The Kyrie Irving Sweepstakes – A review
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mantypas/CavsCzar
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The Kyrie Irving Sweepstakes – A review
Hi All – in one of the most fascinating FA classes the SLN has seen, the current MVP in Kyrie Irving said fuck that RFA and made himself a FA too. I wanted to write a fun article on which teams are in the running, and what they can offer Kyrie from a basketball standpoint and from a life standpoint. We know Kyrie is a weird guy, and he would like weird things. Also, if you were in RBs shoes, would you just say the hell with Kyrie’s feelings and RFA him anyway, even if it would’ve made him like sit for a full year or request a bad trade? I probably would have but who knows what that lunatic would’ve done. Anyway, here are the teams that can and probably will offer the full rookie max
Detroit Pistons – the incumbent
Basketball reason – Kyrie took a similar team to the finals. He has some young improving guys like Draymond and Bazemore, and has solid bigs in Hump and Hibbert. RB could grab an MLE wing defender and an LLE third big and just let Kyrie eat with complimentary players and make the playoffs and potentially finals again.
Life Reason – Loyalty matter Kyrie! RB did Kyrie’s bidding and got him guys he likes. JR Smith came to Detroit solely to help Kyrie feel good about himself. They are gonna try to resign his mentor in Kobe too. RB did everything for this guy, and Kyrie might do him so freaking dirty. Detroit may not be the most glamorous place to life, but when the owner will give you everything, maybe he can make Detroit into whatever wacky wonderland Kyrie wants to live in.
New York Knicks – imagine Kyrie with a healthy Embiid
Basketball reason – If Kyrie can stay patient for Embiid to get better, a long term team of Kyrie and Embiid both in their primes should scare just about everyone. Additionally, the Knicks have some assets from tanking and could get more with sign and trade. Heck, Kyrie can sit out a year, help get another top pick, then go gangbusters with Embiid and whatever top pick they land with some big FA pick ups too. Nav has a ton of cap space, and can do a lot
Life Reason – the guy always loved the big lights. He went to Duke for the big lights, he left Cleveland IRL for the big lights. He loves fashion, NYC has fashion. He likes nightlife, NYC has that. Him and Embiid could play FIFA during the day and get fucked up and pick up women at night like a real team.
Cleveland Cavs – my personal wet dream
Basketball reason – This is a young team that fits Kyrie’s timeline and could be ready to compete with that one star PG that has alluded them since prime Baron Davis (once called a Tier 1 player for those haters out there). Imagine a lineup of Kyrie, Zach Lavine, Harrison Barnes, Jae Crowder, and Nerlens Noel, with young guys like Ryno Anderson, Jared Sullinger, and my boy Sato coming off the bench. Join the young and hungry Kyrie. Would be a play for the future and the present
Life Reason – Cleveland Rocks bro! Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a Lake, passionate sports fans. In an alternate life, Cleveland was your first home, and they loved you for it. You helped bring them a championship as the second banana. Now come do it all over again as the first banana.
LA Lakers – Move over Ricky, let Kyrie cook!
Basketball Reason – Elite PGs play in LA. That’s right, Steve Francis lead the way, Terrell Brandon made a stop, Ricky Rubio is currently there, but Kyrie could be the next MVP PG on the Lakeshow. Would be a very fun core with Kyrie, Ricky, CJ McCollum, Air Wiggins, and newcomer Bobby Portis. Sure, probably wouldn’t be a playoff team in the first year, but would be fun.
Life Reason – See NYC, but west coast. All the flash of NYC with like nice weather, a beach, Hollywood, etc. Go produce your Uncle Drew commercials without an annoying flight. Heck, make it a movie no one will watch. The world is your oyster Kyrie.
Vancouver Grizzlies – A ton of young talent, is Kyrie the fit?
Basketball reason – Vancouver has literally everything but a PG. They have 5 centers, two PFs, two SFs, and 2 SGs (though Terry can play PG). Insert Kyrie with this crew of all early 20s guys, and Josh may have himself another Dynasty, rather than a Wade Dynasty, an Irving Dynasty.
Life Reason – I literally know nothing about Vancouver other than that it is in Canada and there’s skiing close by. Maybe Kyrie loves the snow, maybe he loves maple syrup. Maybe he is an avid snowboarder. All I know is him and Kelly Oubre are going to get all the bitches up in Canada.
Orlando Magic – Young and Hungry
Basketball Reason – A team to grow with. This team is very young, growing stars are 21 years old. You can be their mentor and help them grow. In a couple years, a core of Kyrie, Booker, Smart, and Randle would be very scary to go up against. Like the Knicks and Lakers, patience is needed, but woah could be dangerous for the Atlantic Division
Life Reasons – I heard this dude loves Disney World and Universal Studios. A certified coaster freak. And I think there a strip clubs in Orlando too.
Seattle Supersonics – John Wall X Kyrie Irving?
Basketball Reason – Be the next great Sonics PG. Jamal Crawford, Carlos Arroyo, and now Kyrie Irving? John Wall may not work in Seattle, but putting his defensive frame next to Kyrie’s explosive offense could be an issue. Add Jahlil Okafor, supercamped Anthony Bennett, and Nikola Mirotic, and this team could be a bit spicy.
Life Reasons – Can you imagine all of the conspiracy theory talks with your newly married GM Sonick?!?! I can only imagine how well those two would get along.
Golden State Warriors – A brighter future
Basketball Reason – See Orlando and New York. Patience would be required, but a team with a young Larry Nance Jr (who used to run with Kyrie in Cleveland IRL), Tobias on a sweet contract, and a super high flying and intriguing prospect in Jabari Parker. Plus the Santa Cruz Warriors are about to come to town and make this team not suck as much. Mike Muscala for pop out 3s, Delladova to be extremely annoying. May be turning the corner sooner than some people anticipate.
Life Reason – Kyrie is kind of a hipster and same with the whole San Francisco area. Plus, like Kyrie, Clinton is also a big flat earther. These dudes would get along.
Washington Bullets - Yes I forgot about you oh well
Basketball Reason - A team up of CP3 and Kyrie would be so freaking cool. Replacing Manu with Kyrie instantly gets this team back to the playoffs, and a couple smart resignings, and some trades could get this team over the top. If Kyrie wants to win right away, this is probably his best chance to do so.
Life Reason - Kyrie is a political guy, an activist, human rights guy. Why not play it up in the city where all of the political power is. He can go full BLM, kneel during the national anthem, go on MSNBC to spew some nonsense. Honestly, I forgot about this fit, but it might actually be the best one in both a life and basketball reason. Kyrie, dont read this.
Well that’s a wrap. Good luck to all during FA, and good luck to everyone on the Kyrie Irving sweepstakes.
Detroit Pistons – the incumbent
Basketball reason – Kyrie took a similar team to the finals. He has some young improving guys like Draymond and Bazemore, and has solid bigs in Hump and Hibbert. RB could grab an MLE wing defender and an LLE third big and just let Kyrie eat with complimentary players and make the playoffs and potentially finals again.
Life Reason – Loyalty matter Kyrie! RB did Kyrie’s bidding and got him guys he likes. JR Smith came to Detroit solely to help Kyrie feel good about himself. They are gonna try to resign his mentor in Kobe too. RB did everything for this guy, and Kyrie might do him so freaking dirty. Detroit may not be the most glamorous place to life, but when the owner will give you everything, maybe he can make Detroit into whatever wacky wonderland Kyrie wants to live in.
New York Knicks – imagine Kyrie with a healthy Embiid
Basketball reason – If Kyrie can stay patient for Embiid to get better, a long term team of Kyrie and Embiid both in their primes should scare just about everyone. Additionally, the Knicks have some assets from tanking and could get more with sign and trade. Heck, Kyrie can sit out a year, help get another top pick, then go gangbusters with Embiid and whatever top pick they land with some big FA pick ups too. Nav has a ton of cap space, and can do a lot
Life Reason – the guy always loved the big lights. He went to Duke for the big lights, he left Cleveland IRL for the big lights. He loves fashion, NYC has fashion. He likes nightlife, NYC has that. Him and Embiid could play FIFA during the day and get fucked up and pick up women at night like a real team.
Cleveland Cavs – my personal wet dream
Basketball reason – This is a young team that fits Kyrie’s timeline and could be ready to compete with that one star PG that has alluded them since prime Baron Davis (once called a Tier 1 player for those haters out there). Imagine a lineup of Kyrie, Zach Lavine, Harrison Barnes, Jae Crowder, and Nerlens Noel, with young guys like Ryno Anderson, Jared Sullinger, and my boy Sato coming off the bench. Join the young and hungry Kyrie. Would be a play for the future and the present
Life Reason – Cleveland Rocks bro! Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a Lake, passionate sports fans. In an alternate life, Cleveland was your first home, and they loved you for it. You helped bring them a championship as the second banana. Now come do it all over again as the first banana.
LA Lakers – Move over Ricky, let Kyrie cook!
Basketball Reason – Elite PGs play in LA. That’s right, Steve Francis lead the way, Terrell Brandon made a stop, Ricky Rubio is currently there, but Kyrie could be the next MVP PG on the Lakeshow. Would be a very fun core with Kyrie, Ricky, CJ McCollum, Air Wiggins, and newcomer Bobby Portis. Sure, probably wouldn’t be a playoff team in the first year, but would be fun.
Life Reason – See NYC, but west coast. All the flash of NYC with like nice weather, a beach, Hollywood, etc. Go produce your Uncle Drew commercials without an annoying flight. Heck, make it a movie no one will watch. The world is your oyster Kyrie.
Vancouver Grizzlies – A ton of young talent, is Kyrie the fit?
Basketball reason – Vancouver has literally everything but a PG. They have 5 centers, two PFs, two SFs, and 2 SGs (though Terry can play PG). Insert Kyrie with this crew of all early 20s guys, and Josh may have himself another Dynasty, rather than a Wade Dynasty, an Irving Dynasty.
Life Reason – I literally know nothing about Vancouver other than that it is in Canada and there’s skiing close by. Maybe Kyrie loves the snow, maybe he loves maple syrup. Maybe he is an avid snowboarder. All I know is him and Kelly Oubre are going to get all the bitches up in Canada.
Orlando Magic – Young and Hungry
Basketball Reason – A team to grow with. This team is very young, growing stars are 21 years old. You can be their mentor and help them grow. In a couple years, a core of Kyrie, Booker, Smart, and Randle would be very scary to go up against. Like the Knicks and Lakers, patience is needed, but woah could be dangerous for the Atlantic Division
Life Reasons – I heard this dude loves Disney World and Universal Studios. A certified coaster freak. And I think there a strip clubs in Orlando too.
Seattle Supersonics – John Wall X Kyrie Irving?
Basketball Reason – Be the next great Sonics PG. Jamal Crawford, Carlos Arroyo, and now Kyrie Irving? John Wall may not work in Seattle, but putting his defensive frame next to Kyrie’s explosive offense could be an issue. Add Jahlil Okafor, supercamped Anthony Bennett, and Nikola Mirotic, and this team could be a bit spicy.
Life Reasons – Can you imagine all of the conspiracy theory talks with your newly married GM Sonick?!?! I can only imagine how well those two would get along.
Golden State Warriors – A brighter future
Basketball Reason – See Orlando and New York. Patience would be required, but a team with a young Larry Nance Jr (who used to run with Kyrie in Cleveland IRL), Tobias on a sweet contract, and a super high flying and intriguing prospect in Jabari Parker. Plus the Santa Cruz Warriors are about to come to town and make this team not suck as much. Mike Muscala for pop out 3s, Delladova to be extremely annoying. May be turning the corner sooner than some people anticipate.
Life Reason – Kyrie is kind of a hipster and same with the whole San Francisco area. Plus, like Kyrie, Clinton is also a big flat earther. These dudes would get along.
Washington Bullets - Yes I forgot about you oh well
Basketball Reason - A team up of CP3 and Kyrie would be so freaking cool. Replacing Manu with Kyrie instantly gets this team back to the playoffs, and a couple smart resignings, and some trades could get this team over the top. If Kyrie wants to win right away, this is probably his best chance to do so.
Life Reason - Kyrie is a political guy, an activist, human rights guy. Why not play it up in the city where all of the political power is. He can go full BLM, kneel during the national anthem, go on MSNBC to spew some nonsense. Honestly, I forgot about this fit, but it might actually be the best one in both a life and basketball reason. Kyrie, dont read this.
Well that’s a wrap. Good luck to all during FA, and good luck to everyone on the Kyrie Irving sweepstakes.
Last edited by mantypas/CavsCzar on June 10th, 2024, 3:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I love the content of these articles and I also love that mantypas is allergic to text formatting
"It's great to see the Celtics doing well again, 'cause that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and get spit at, get things thrown at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."
Well Manty clearly didn’t see our Kyrie pitch deck because the lack of comments on 0 state income tax is glaring
Separately, Vancouver is an awesome place. You should check it out
Separately, Vancouver is an awesome place. You should check it out
Bullets have a max slot too no? What if Kyrie wants to be a lobbyist in his spare time
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mantypas/CavsCzar
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No lie, was using Merv’s article and totally missed the bullets due tot the Manu surprise retirement. Will add a segment on them later
Rumor has it the Knicks prepared a Sopranos themed pitch for Kyrie
Yee-to-the-Haw
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rbrown5192
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Undoubtedly I should have RFA’d him and dealt him after the fact…
But fuck it - I’m rolling the dice and letting this man decide his future (and the future of the Pistons franchise)!
But fuck it - I’m rolling the dice and letting this man decide his future (and the future of the Pistons franchise)!
This feels very much like Lebron's decision to the Heat. The build up is real.
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mantypas/CavsCzar
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- Posts: 725
- Joined: December 20th, 2023, 12:06 pm
Truly a tough choice cuz he could've done literally anything crazy whether its sit a year, sit multiple years, demand a trade that screws you to eternity. My odds are he stays with the Pistons out of the loyalty sake, but he's a wildcard, just like Charlie Kellyrbrown5192 wrote: ↑June 10th, 2024, 3:06 pm Undoubtedly I should have RFA’d him and dealt him after the fact…
But fuck it - I’m rolling the dice and letting this man decide his future (and the future of the Pistons franchise)!
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