Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
Hello friends! It has been a rough 18 hours for me. After visiting a friend on Portland, Maine for Labor Day Weekend, I trained back to Boston to play poker for a night before catching a 5:15 AM flight to NYC and then Ubering directly to Bethpage to try to walk onto the Black course. At least that was the plan.
Instead i dumped off a ludicrously capacious bag to the table in Boston, inexplicably misread my flight departure time and showed up to the gate 5 minutes late to check my golf clubs, scoffed at a $90 Lyft and thought for sure a cab would be cheaper (it ended up being twice as expensive) and the earliest tee time available for a single was 3:00 PM. And because I don’t have the self respect to just call it a day and find something else to do with my time, I am sitting here in the clubhouse (which is decidedly not a nice place to spend 6 hours) waiting it out. Oh - also I bet on LSU.
But the good news - I have 6 hours to do nothing! May as well churn out some content.
As Bulls fans anxiously await a lottery that has the potential to turn their franchise around provide false hope, 16 other fan bases have their eyes on the ultimate prize. I went through every playoff matchup and made some predictions bulletin board material. Enjoy!
#1 Jazz vs. #8 Clippers
For the second straight season, the Jazz win the West and finish with the best record in the league - and for the second straight season, the Jazz GM has taken a victory lap on the boards before the first playoff sim. It actually makes sense when you think about how dominant the early Jazz teams were in the playoffs - but those of us who have learned to fear the many-faced god of FBB aren’t usually so brash. Regardless, this should be a relatively quick series - though the Clippers are a fun 8 seed for sure on the heels of Derrick Rose’s best campaign (props to Bobby for moving him to SG). The Jazz, however, match up well with Luol Deng’s A defense against DRose and too much firepower to overwhelm the Clippers. I think Bobby’s best shot would be to run DRose at PG, run Eddie Griffin as an option, and bank on 80th or 90th percentile shooting nights from the two of them.
Prediction: Jazz in 5
#2 Suns vs. #7 Spurs
The Spurs snuck into the 7 seed with a +2.1 differential, but this team is better than the numbers might suggest with the midseason acquisition of Michael “The Bees Knees” Beasley. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is a good matchup for them, as the Suns have a ton of firepower inside, and I think Kevin Love is misfit in this series - he may struggle with foul trouble as he gets matched up with Dwight or Boban. It doesn’t help that the Spurs will be without Jaylen Brown for the first 2 games of the series. And even though Tyus Jones is an awesome story and has the makings of a excellent game manager-type PG in his third season, I think it’s a little early to expect him to hold his own against Shaun Livingston. I expect the Suns to dominate the glass and get the Spurs in foul trouble early and often, and I think the Suns will make quick work of the Spurs in this one.
Prediction: Suns in 5
#3 Mavericks vs. #6 Kings
Yet another matchup of Luke vs. Anakin (I don’t really know Star Wars - @kipke does that reference work here?) This is the third straight season that the Mavs and Kings have faced off in the first round, but the first time that the series will open in Dallas (though that hasn’t been a problem, as Dallas has been able to upset the Kings in each of the last two postseasons). But this season, I don’t think an upset is in store. The Fighting Kyries led the West for most of the season on the backs of a +11 point differential and one of the best statistical seasons of all time from Mr. Irving (the most important stat being 82 games played). The Mavs are built for the playoffs with elite backcourt scoring, solid defense throughout, and the ability to win inside or out. The Kings are pretty patchwork, and while Chris Paul is probably the best non-LeBron matchup you can hope for against Kyrie, I don’t think he’ll be enough to keep him in check and to keep this series within reach.
Prediction: Mavs in 4
#4 Grizzlies vs. #5 Timberwolves
The Zinger has arrived post-supercamp, but he still leaves a little something to be desired from an efficiency / defensive standpoint - or maybe I just have higher expectations because of those ludicrous preseason sims. Either way, this Grizzlies team is built for now and for the future with Brandon Ingram awaiting a supercamp this offseason after redshirting his first two seasons in Vancouver. The Timberwolves, on the other hand, aren’t waiting for anything. They lose the tiebreaker to the Grizzlies and have a worse point differential (7.5 vs. 5.5), but there is some serious star power in Minnesota. The Timberwolves led the league this year in FG%, and I think have just enough firepower to edge out the Grizz. Any of Harden, Hardaway, and Giannis are liable to go off for 40+ in any given game, and I think Giannis’ strength is likely a perfect antidote to the Zinger and could get him in foul trouble early. This one could easily go 7, but I think the Wolves steal one of the first two games in Vancouver and then get it done in the Twin Cities.
Prediction: Timbywolves in 6
#1 Knicks vs. #8 76ers
After several moves this season, DMo has found a lineup worthy of a playoff spot. After the LeBron at PF experiment, hopefully DMo has settled on playing him at PG, where he actually has a huge mismatch against the Knicks. Bayless does have A- Defense, so it’s certainly not a walk in the park, but if you’re gonna poke a hole in this Knicks team, it’s probably their backcourt. If LeBron can dominate Bayless, the 76ers may actually have an extremely outside chance in this series - but the Knicks are so dominant inside with Myles Turner and Embiid (plus I haven’t even mentioned Carmelo yet) that I don’t think we’ll see an upset here. I do think the 76ers will take a couple games off of the Knicks though. Also it’s pretty cheap that Myles Turner is just prime Sheed.
Prediction: Knicks in 6
#2 Raptors vs. #7 Nets
Another tree battle! This one pits Steven against Jwoo and one thing’s for sure - there are going to be some changes to the Swamp Block Party after the Nets fell in Game 7 to these same Raptors last postseason. This year’s Nets team has seen a slight decline after Anthony Davis decided to forget how to shoot a simulated basketball - but there’s still enough starpower to cause some consternation in Toronto. The Raptors shook things up midseason with a trade for Paul George to bolster their wing depth. However, much like the real NBA, I’m not sure how much Paul George helps your chances of winning playoff games. With Boogie scoring in bunches down low, George’s defense and rebounding should help offset Cousin’s TOs and lack of stocks. Last year’s series went to 7, but I don’t think the Raptors have much trouble with the Nets this time around - not until AD has a chance to fix his jumper in the offseason.
Prediction: Raptors in 5
#3 Magic vs. #6 Celtics
FBB is juuuuust cruel enough to give a team that tried to tank enough good bounces to knock out a title contender, but I just don’t think the Celtics have the horses anymore to go toe-to-toe with the Magic. Kawhi finally looks like a stud post-shooting camp and Eddy Curry is aging like fine wine, while the Splash Mountain Bros (you’re welcome Merv) Steph and DBook have led this team to league leading 3PM and 3P% to go along with the best FG% in the East and the second most PPG. The Celtics don’t even have Linsanity to fall back on in this series as Joe decided the Bulls were a good franchise to emulate with a hasty panic button press early on in the season. At least Joe has his picks though…sigh.
Prediction: Magic in 4
#4 Hawks vs. #5 Pacers
I feel like I’ve gone almost all chalk so I probably should pick an upset just to pick one here. Let’s see if I can talk myself into it! The Pacers do have the best player in the series in Jrue Holiday…*checks KD’s stats just to be sure* *gasps at KD’s line* ok nevermind, the Hawks definitely have the best player in the series. KD quietly put together one of the best wing seasons I’ve seen in FBB, with 2:1 stock to TO to go along with 33.5 points at 49%. Nutty. I do think that Russ continues to be a weak spot for this Hawks team though, and I think that Jrue is set up to take advantage of that matchup. The Pacers also have a big advantage inside, with Chris Bosh and Andre Drummond both bringing much more to the table than any of the Hawks bigs, and with more depth too between Jamal Sampson and Emeka Okafor. We’ve seen Deron WIlliams go off in the playoffs before, too, and this team is probably under-represented by the numbers given their trade deadline acquisition of Rudy Fernandez…Fuck it, gimme the Pacers!
Prediction: Pacers in 7
Plz someone interact with this article so I have something do to, I still have 4 more hours fml
Instead i dumped off a ludicrously capacious bag to the table in Boston, inexplicably misread my flight departure time and showed up to the gate 5 minutes late to check my golf clubs, scoffed at a $90 Lyft and thought for sure a cab would be cheaper (it ended up being twice as expensive) and the earliest tee time available for a single was 3:00 PM. And because I don’t have the self respect to just call it a day and find something else to do with my time, I am sitting here in the clubhouse (which is decidedly not a nice place to spend 6 hours) waiting it out. Oh - also I bet on LSU.
But the good news - I have 6 hours to do nothing! May as well churn out some content.
As Bulls fans anxiously await a lottery that has the potential to turn their franchise around provide false hope, 16 other fan bases have their eyes on the ultimate prize. I went through every playoff matchup and made some predictions bulletin board material. Enjoy!
Western Conference
#1 Jazz vs. #8 Clippers
For the second straight season, the Jazz win the West and finish with the best record in the league - and for the second straight season, the Jazz GM has taken a victory lap on the boards before the first playoff sim. It actually makes sense when you think about how dominant the early Jazz teams were in the playoffs - but those of us who have learned to fear the many-faced god of FBB aren’t usually so brash. Regardless, this should be a relatively quick series - though the Clippers are a fun 8 seed for sure on the heels of Derrick Rose’s best campaign (props to Bobby for moving him to SG). The Jazz, however, match up well with Luol Deng’s A defense against DRose and too much firepower to overwhelm the Clippers. I think Bobby’s best shot would be to run DRose at PG, run Eddie Griffin as an option, and bank on 80th or 90th percentile shooting nights from the two of them.
Prediction: Jazz in 5
#2 Suns vs. #7 Spurs
The Spurs snuck into the 7 seed with a +2.1 differential, but this team is better than the numbers might suggest with the midseason acquisition of Michael “The Bees Knees” Beasley. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is a good matchup for them, as the Suns have a ton of firepower inside, and I think Kevin Love is misfit in this series - he may struggle with foul trouble as he gets matched up with Dwight or Boban. It doesn’t help that the Spurs will be without Jaylen Brown for the first 2 games of the series. And even though Tyus Jones is an awesome story and has the makings of a excellent game manager-type PG in his third season, I think it’s a little early to expect him to hold his own against Shaun Livingston. I expect the Suns to dominate the glass and get the Spurs in foul trouble early and often, and I think the Suns will make quick work of the Spurs in this one.
Prediction: Suns in 5
#3 Mavericks vs. #6 Kings
Yet another matchup of Luke vs. Anakin (I don’t really know Star Wars - @kipke does that reference work here?) This is the third straight season that the Mavs and Kings have faced off in the first round, but the first time that the series will open in Dallas (though that hasn’t been a problem, as Dallas has been able to upset the Kings in each of the last two postseasons). But this season, I don’t think an upset is in store. The Fighting Kyries led the West for most of the season on the backs of a +11 point differential and one of the best statistical seasons of all time from Mr. Irving (the most important stat being 82 games played). The Mavs are built for the playoffs with elite backcourt scoring, solid defense throughout, and the ability to win inside or out. The Kings are pretty patchwork, and while Chris Paul is probably the best non-LeBron matchup you can hope for against Kyrie, I don’t think he’ll be enough to keep him in check and to keep this series within reach.
Prediction: Mavs in 4
#4 Grizzlies vs. #5 Timberwolves
The Zinger has arrived post-supercamp, but he still leaves a little something to be desired from an efficiency / defensive standpoint - or maybe I just have higher expectations because of those ludicrous preseason sims. Either way, this Grizzlies team is built for now and for the future with Brandon Ingram awaiting a supercamp this offseason after redshirting his first two seasons in Vancouver. The Timberwolves, on the other hand, aren’t waiting for anything. They lose the tiebreaker to the Grizzlies and have a worse point differential (7.5 vs. 5.5), but there is some serious star power in Minnesota. The Timberwolves led the league this year in FG%, and I think have just enough firepower to edge out the Grizz. Any of Harden, Hardaway, and Giannis are liable to go off for 40+ in any given game, and I think Giannis’ strength is likely a perfect antidote to the Zinger and could get him in foul trouble early. This one could easily go 7, but I think the Wolves steal one of the first two games in Vancouver and then get it done in the Twin Cities.
Prediction: Timbywolves in 6
Eastern Conference:
#1 Knicks vs. #8 76ers
After several moves this season, DMo has found a lineup worthy of a playoff spot. After the LeBron at PF experiment, hopefully DMo has settled on playing him at PG, where he actually has a huge mismatch against the Knicks. Bayless does have A- Defense, so it’s certainly not a walk in the park, but if you’re gonna poke a hole in this Knicks team, it’s probably their backcourt. If LeBron can dominate Bayless, the 76ers may actually have an extremely outside chance in this series - but the Knicks are so dominant inside with Myles Turner and Embiid (plus I haven’t even mentioned Carmelo yet) that I don’t think we’ll see an upset here. I do think the 76ers will take a couple games off of the Knicks though. Also it’s pretty cheap that Myles Turner is just prime Sheed.
Prediction: Knicks in 6
#2 Raptors vs. #7 Nets
Another tree battle! This one pits Steven against Jwoo and one thing’s for sure - there are going to be some changes to the Swamp Block Party after the Nets fell in Game 7 to these same Raptors last postseason. This year’s Nets team has seen a slight decline after Anthony Davis decided to forget how to shoot a simulated basketball - but there’s still enough starpower to cause some consternation in Toronto. The Raptors shook things up midseason with a trade for Paul George to bolster their wing depth. However, much like the real NBA, I’m not sure how much Paul George helps your chances of winning playoff games. With Boogie scoring in bunches down low, George’s defense and rebounding should help offset Cousin’s TOs and lack of stocks. Last year’s series went to 7, but I don’t think the Raptors have much trouble with the Nets this time around - not until AD has a chance to fix his jumper in the offseason.
Prediction: Raptors in 5
#3 Magic vs. #6 Celtics
FBB is juuuuust cruel enough to give a team that tried to tank enough good bounces to knock out a title contender, but I just don’t think the Celtics have the horses anymore to go toe-to-toe with the Magic. Kawhi finally looks like a stud post-shooting camp and Eddy Curry is aging like fine wine, while the Splash Mountain Bros (you’re welcome Merv) Steph and DBook have led this team to league leading 3PM and 3P% to go along with the best FG% in the East and the second most PPG. The Celtics don’t even have Linsanity to fall back on in this series as Joe decided the Bulls were a good franchise to emulate with a hasty panic button press early on in the season. At least Joe has his picks though…sigh.
Prediction: Magic in 4
#4 Hawks vs. #5 Pacers
I feel like I’ve gone almost all chalk so I probably should pick an upset just to pick one here. Let’s see if I can talk myself into it! The Pacers do have the best player in the series in Jrue Holiday…*checks KD’s stats just to be sure* *gasps at KD’s line* ok nevermind, the Hawks definitely have the best player in the series. KD quietly put together one of the best wing seasons I’ve seen in FBB, with 2:1 stock to TO to go along with 33.5 points at 49%. Nutty. I do think that Russ continues to be a weak spot for this Hawks team though, and I think that Jrue is set up to take advantage of that matchup. The Pacers also have a big advantage inside, with Chris Bosh and Andre Drummond both bringing much more to the table than any of the Hawks bigs, and with more depth too between Jamal Sampson and Emeka Okafor. We’ve seen Deron WIlliams go off in the playoffs before, too, and this team is probably under-represented by the numbers given their trade deadline acquisition of Rudy Fernandez…Fuck it, gimme the Pacers!
Prediction: Pacers in 7
Plz someone interact with this article so I have something do to, I still have 4 more hours fml
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
Luke vs. Obi-Wan! But I am definitely not Luke material. If anything it’s any of the other Jesse tree GMs… who have all already won chips!
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SWAMP STEVEN
- General Manager
- Posts: 1254
- Joined: January 5th, 2024, 2:11 pm
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
AD is so bad 
*DJ DRAMA VOICE* OH YOU HEARD THE RUMORS [GANGSTA GRIZZILLZ] IT’S A MOTHERFUCKIN SWAMPSTORY!
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
I really saw this article right after Matt posted it and entirely glazed over “Plz someone interact with this article so I have something do to, I still have 4 more hours fml” hahahha
Hope he is having a good time now
Hope he is having a good time now
Santa Cruz Warriors NDL Champs: 2008, 2012, 2014
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
I think Knicks Sixers is a super interesting matchup, especially for a 1-8. We are about to find out how good Jerryd Bayless is at his job, assuming DMo runs Bron at point.
Poopy reward for winning 59 games and snagging the 1 seed
Poopy reward for winning 59 games and snagging the 1 seed
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
Spurs Suns is just going to be a contest of which interior C defender the offense runs through gets in foul trouble first. Think Beas helps their rebounding more than the full season picture shows.
I hate playing the most handsome GM IRL round 1
I hate playing the most handsome GM IRL round 1
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GrundleSauce
- General Manager
- Posts: 740
- Joined: December 20th, 2023, 12:13 pm
- Status: BUMPIN. BOUNCE. BOUNCE.
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
Hey, I’m only brash because a certain group of guys constantly shits on my guys! Great article!
Pokemon Master Rahsaan Roland Kirk. Yes.
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
You right I'll take him off your hands to lead my tank
Celtics ah the balls
Article: 2017 Playoff Preview - The View from the Bottom
Beas didn't offer to re-sign so I think he's going to be playing for that big FA offer. Spurs will be feisty
Celtics ah the balls
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