Season 3 Preview (Author - Heimer)
Season 3 Preview (Author - Heimer)
Season 3 is upon us. Timeflies… RPs too! I’m going to be so poor after this camp - a measly 300RP left. Good thing about being poor is that’ll motivate ya! I ripped through this and assume there will be major typos so apologies in advance if it reads like it was written by a year 1 foreign exchange student. Let’s get to it.
Outside of Toy Story 3, most third installments of movie franchises lack the substance that makes a movie great – like quality storylines, character development, moments that cause doubt, and some quality humor. Luckily for us, the third chapter of Sim League Nivana is full of the previous.
Jmf’nWoo and the Raptors got off to a fiery start last season but stumbled late and finished the regular season 47-35 – good for the 5th seed in the East. They boasted a solid core of Marcus Camby, Michael Finley, Tommy Googs and Anthony Parker. This team is not only good but young and had GMs around the league on watch. I can’t speak for the rest of the league – but jwoo magic has me farting uncontrollably. First, he swung a deal for Terrell Brandon – trading two shitty picks and a back-alley blow job for the young star. Then the Raptors moved Camby, Googs and their ’03, ’04 picks for Hakeem Olajuwon and maximum boners, the league was put on notice. A starting lineup including – Hakeem, Brandon, Finley, and Parker. Sheesh, I am scared jwoo.
Sacramento is on the other side of the Hakeem trade. After winning it all, Ewing packed his bags and left the Kings scrambling to go film some movie about jamming basketballs in space. Without a bunch of future picks, there is a ton of pressure to be good. They received two good players from the Raptors and drafted another. Personally, I thought Rafer Alston was a great pick – a player I was eyeing myself. Alston had one of the best real-life careers from players taken outside the lottery. All eyes are on the new-look Kings.
Phoenix barely lost to Sacramento in the playoffs last season. The Suns were down 0-3 early. With an Injury to Dikembe in game 4 Phoenix was reeling. As only a Tyler managed team would – the Suns miraculously came back from down 3 they tied it up going into the last game of the series. Dikembe needed 1 more day to rest from his severe migraines he got by motorboating his 500-pound white woman. In game 7 the Dikembe-less Suns were outgunned by Ewing – the lord and savior himself dropped 44 points with 15 boards, 3 blocks, and 2 steals. What a walk-off W from Ewing to beat his former team. SLN storylines truly are the best. The future in Phoenix looks strong but, like Sacramento, they lack future picks, and the heat is on.
Speaking of the Heat, are they good or is the Atlantic just incredible? Both can be true. After trading their 2003 pick for the whitest of whites, Toni Kukoc – their team looked primed to make a run. Unfortunately, the Heat struggled to hit their stride last season. One might say it’s a failed experiment, however, Id argue this Kukoc trade will hit like a 40-year-old Quaalude – late and great. A nice FRP in Bonzi Wells certainly improves the team. I can't believe Bonzi slid to 19. The Heat also have a wholly mammoth in the frontcourt in Shaq but in the last game of the season he went from best young center in the league to doing his best impression of Frankenstein. Some are questioning if Shaq is smoking that ga-ga-gunk before his games. I, on the other hand, am not questioning it because I rolled it fat!
Fat. Fat Joe. Fat Joe Haber. Fat Joe and the Celtics are building a farm of incredible young talent – but his lack of effort to win has me wondering – is he doing the prudent thing by slowly building a stout lineup or is he eating his players? Answer is the latter and I know it. On a serious not, my hometown team looks like an absolute offensive powerhouse. I see a 150-point game in their future as Kobe and T-Mac team up with the NDL MVP McInnis and the Romanian you’ll ever see in Muresan. Will this Celtics farm compete with the ageing Knicks for the Atlantic title? Or will Joe eat all his players?
The Knicks – man what a team. They have won the most games through two seasons, made the finals in both seasons, and won a title. The problem is Steve Kerr ages like white people. At a ripe age of 32 he’s already dealing with chronic ankle pain and gout. Despite destroying the Hawks in the playoffs last year – Riceman and MJ can’t win a title alone. Sadly, Ervin’s Johnson just isn’t big enough. Can Nav and the Knicks revive a dying team?
The Hawks. Another team that doesn’t have their own picks for 4 years. Does anyone in this league know what they’re doing? Atlanta is built to steal and so are the Hawks. Constructed with defense in mind, they will give you problems. But shoot an average percentage as a team and were forced to rely heavily on high-volume. Good thing they can drain 3’s. With their lord and savior Maurice Taylor rising from the NDL like a phoenix from the ashes, will he be the missing piece of the puzzle? Some doubt if the NDL powerhouse, who won the first NDL scoring title, will be any good playing against the big-league-boys.
Division by Division thoughts…
The Atlantic division has been owned by the Knicks in past season and I don’t expect much to change this season. My only concern is the upcoming TC. This team is old. I think they squeeze by here with a not-so-bad TC but will need to make a move to stay relevant in the coming years. The Knicks are nervously watching the Celtics hoping they aren’t as good as they will be. The Magic are a prime candidate to “blow it up” – as their best players are 32, 33, and 36 respectively. Washington is sneaky good. A team to watch in coming seasons. As I said earlier – I expect the Knicks win the division again, but I have a feeling the Celtics sneaky NDL moves could pay off huge and be a force in the Atlantic sooner than anticipated.
The Central division race between the Raptors and Hawks will be primetime television. Who will win? Probably the Raptors. On paper they look to be incredible, but they still haven’t played a game together. The Hawks, on the other hand, have a cohesive group of players. Outside of these two teams I don’t see a team ready to compete. The Hornets are doomed going into this TC. Stockton? More like Stockdown. Reggie is still Reggie, but I say the prudent move is to trade him for major assets and start a rebuild as soon as possible. The Cavaliers are the team that raise an eyebrow. A great foundation of very young players – if they make a push for a PG, I think they start winning a lot of games. Penny doesn’t really fit the timeline this team is on, but how about Lindsey Hunter?
The state of the Midwest division is like every Midwest state – wide open. The Mavericks have a nice young core, but it looks like they reached on Mike James. Starting him at PG could be a defensive catastrophe and be a main reason this team loses games. The Wolves are selling the house for a much smaller house. The Rockets have suggested they will make like a 1990s NASA mission and blow tf up. So, its really a race between the Spurs, Jazz, and Grizz. I couldn’t tell you who will win – it’s a complete toss-up. All three have a solid young group and are all trending upwards.
The Pacific division, on the other hand, is far clearer. The Kings won the whole shebang and traded their best player to extend their window. This team could legitimately win the division. Very impressive trade and like I said earlier – Alston is no slouch. The Warriors have an impressive young core of potential future all-stars but even with a good TC I think they are a season or two away. The Clippers aren’t good enough and will be trading Penny Hardaway to the highest bidder. I assume the Clips will get solid action on Penny – as I think he elevates a good team to great. Let’s be great fellas! Speaking of great – the Suns. They are great, though a bad TC could be devastating. I’m not saying I’m rooting for that, but I do own their ’99 pick. I just think the Trail Blazers are too strong. I expect their entire team to get better and KG to take that leap to the next level and make a run for MVP. But im most interested in how bad the Sonics can be with a young Dirk aka Hansel. I love this league. Note to grader: I’m poor and will pray for your good health in exchange for a generous number of RPs.
Outside of Toy Story 3, most third installments of movie franchises lack the substance that makes a movie great – like quality storylines, character development, moments that cause doubt, and some quality humor. Luckily for us, the third chapter of Sim League Nivana is full of the previous.
Jmf’nWoo and the Raptors got off to a fiery start last season but stumbled late and finished the regular season 47-35 – good for the 5th seed in the East. They boasted a solid core of Marcus Camby, Michael Finley, Tommy Googs and Anthony Parker. This team is not only good but young and had GMs around the league on watch. I can’t speak for the rest of the league – but jwoo magic has me farting uncontrollably. First, he swung a deal for Terrell Brandon – trading two shitty picks and a back-alley blow job for the young star. Then the Raptors moved Camby, Googs and their ’03, ’04 picks for Hakeem Olajuwon and maximum boners, the league was put on notice. A starting lineup including – Hakeem, Brandon, Finley, and Parker. Sheesh, I am scared jwoo.
Sacramento is on the other side of the Hakeem trade. After winning it all, Ewing packed his bags and left the Kings scrambling to go film some movie about jamming basketballs in space. Without a bunch of future picks, there is a ton of pressure to be good. They received two good players from the Raptors and drafted another. Personally, I thought Rafer Alston was a great pick – a player I was eyeing myself. Alston had one of the best real-life careers from players taken outside the lottery. All eyes are on the new-look Kings.
Phoenix barely lost to Sacramento in the playoffs last season. The Suns were down 0-3 early. With an Injury to Dikembe in game 4 Phoenix was reeling. As only a Tyler managed team would – the Suns miraculously came back from down 3 they tied it up going into the last game of the series. Dikembe needed 1 more day to rest from his severe migraines he got by motorboating his 500-pound white woman. In game 7 the Dikembe-less Suns were outgunned by Ewing – the lord and savior himself dropped 44 points with 15 boards, 3 blocks, and 2 steals. What a walk-off W from Ewing to beat his former team. SLN storylines truly are the best. The future in Phoenix looks strong but, like Sacramento, they lack future picks, and the heat is on.
Speaking of the Heat, are they good or is the Atlantic just incredible? Both can be true. After trading their 2003 pick for the whitest of whites, Toni Kukoc – their team looked primed to make a run. Unfortunately, the Heat struggled to hit their stride last season. One might say it’s a failed experiment, however, Id argue this Kukoc trade will hit like a 40-year-old Quaalude – late and great. A nice FRP in Bonzi Wells certainly improves the team. I can't believe Bonzi slid to 19. The Heat also have a wholly mammoth in the frontcourt in Shaq but in the last game of the season he went from best young center in the league to doing his best impression of Frankenstein. Some are questioning if Shaq is smoking that ga-ga-gunk before his games. I, on the other hand, am not questioning it because I rolled it fat!
Fat. Fat Joe. Fat Joe Haber. Fat Joe and the Celtics are building a farm of incredible young talent – but his lack of effort to win has me wondering – is he doing the prudent thing by slowly building a stout lineup or is he eating his players? Answer is the latter and I know it. On a serious not, my hometown team looks like an absolute offensive powerhouse. I see a 150-point game in their future as Kobe and T-Mac team up with the NDL MVP McInnis and the Romanian you’ll ever see in Muresan. Will this Celtics farm compete with the ageing Knicks for the Atlantic title? Or will Joe eat all his players?
The Knicks – man what a team. They have won the most games through two seasons, made the finals in both seasons, and won a title. The problem is Steve Kerr ages like white people. At a ripe age of 32 he’s already dealing with chronic ankle pain and gout. Despite destroying the Hawks in the playoffs last year – Riceman and MJ can’t win a title alone. Sadly, Ervin’s Johnson just isn’t big enough. Can Nav and the Knicks revive a dying team?
The Hawks. Another team that doesn’t have their own picks for 4 years. Does anyone in this league know what they’re doing? Atlanta is built to steal and so are the Hawks. Constructed with defense in mind, they will give you problems. But shoot an average percentage as a team and were forced to rely heavily on high-volume. Good thing they can drain 3’s. With their lord and savior Maurice Taylor rising from the NDL like a phoenix from the ashes, will he be the missing piece of the puzzle? Some doubt if the NDL powerhouse, who won the first NDL scoring title, will be any good playing against the big-league-boys.
Division by Division thoughts…
The Atlantic division has been owned by the Knicks in past season and I don’t expect much to change this season. My only concern is the upcoming TC. This team is old. I think they squeeze by here with a not-so-bad TC but will need to make a move to stay relevant in the coming years. The Knicks are nervously watching the Celtics hoping they aren’t as good as they will be. The Magic are a prime candidate to “blow it up” – as their best players are 32, 33, and 36 respectively. Washington is sneaky good. A team to watch in coming seasons. As I said earlier – I expect the Knicks win the division again, but I have a feeling the Celtics sneaky NDL moves could pay off huge and be a force in the Atlantic sooner than anticipated.
The Central division race between the Raptors and Hawks will be primetime television. Who will win? Probably the Raptors. On paper they look to be incredible, but they still haven’t played a game together. The Hawks, on the other hand, have a cohesive group of players. Outside of these two teams I don’t see a team ready to compete. The Hornets are doomed going into this TC. Stockton? More like Stockdown. Reggie is still Reggie, but I say the prudent move is to trade him for major assets and start a rebuild as soon as possible. The Cavaliers are the team that raise an eyebrow. A great foundation of very young players – if they make a push for a PG, I think they start winning a lot of games. Penny doesn’t really fit the timeline this team is on, but how about Lindsey Hunter?
The state of the Midwest division is like every Midwest state – wide open. The Mavericks have a nice young core, but it looks like they reached on Mike James. Starting him at PG could be a defensive catastrophe and be a main reason this team loses games. The Wolves are selling the house for a much smaller house. The Rockets have suggested they will make like a 1990s NASA mission and blow tf up. So, its really a race between the Spurs, Jazz, and Grizz. I couldn’t tell you who will win – it’s a complete toss-up. All three have a solid young group and are all trending upwards.
The Pacific division, on the other hand, is far clearer. The Kings won the whole shebang and traded their best player to extend their window. This team could legitimately win the division. Very impressive trade and like I said earlier – Alston is no slouch. The Warriors have an impressive young core of potential future all-stars but even with a good TC I think they are a season or two away. The Clippers aren’t good enough and will be trading Penny Hardaway to the highest bidder. I assume the Clips will get solid action on Penny – as I think he elevates a good team to great. Let’s be great fellas! Speaking of great – the Suns. They are great, though a bad TC could be devastating. I’m not saying I’m rooting for that, but I do own their ’99 pick. I just think the Trail Blazers are too strong. I expect their entire team to get better and KG to take that leap to the next level and make a run for MVP. But im most interested in how bad the Sonics can be with a young Dirk aka Hansel. I love this league. Note to grader: I’m poor and will pray for your good health in exchange for a generous number of RPs.
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
COMMENTS ARCHIVE:
bobby
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:10pm heimer likes thisQuotelikePost OptionsPost by bobby on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:10pm
great read. I'd also like to raise that prisoner of azkaban (3rd one) was the best of the harry potters.
Also, I didn't realize I was trading penny. but that could be a good idea. consider him officially on the block.
Joe
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm heimer likes thisQuotelikePost OptionsPost by Joe on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm
I enjoyed this a lot. I lolled pretty hard at “farting uncontrollably”
Last Edit: Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm by Joe
heimer
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:26pm via mobile QuoteEditlikePost OptionsPost by heimer on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:26pm
great call on prisoners of azkaban
heimer
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:27pm QuoteEditlikePost OptionsPost by heimer on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:27pm
Joe Avatar
Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm Joe said:
I enjoyed this a lot. I lolled pretty hard at “farting uncontrollably”
it’s a real serious problem not to be made light of
jwoo
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:33pm QuotelikePost OptionsPost by jwoo on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:33pm
I have that effect on people sometimes
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEEEEEEEEEE
Joe
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:42pm QuotelikePost OptionsPost by Joe on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:42pm
Grade: 375 x 1.5 = 575RP
bobby
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:10pm heimer likes thisQuotelikePost OptionsPost by bobby on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:10pm
great read. I'd also like to raise that prisoner of azkaban (3rd one) was the best of the harry potters.
Also, I didn't realize I was trading penny. but that could be a good idea. consider him officially on the block.
Joe
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm heimer likes thisQuotelikePost OptionsPost by Joe on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm
I enjoyed this a lot. I lolled pretty hard at “farting uncontrollably”
Last Edit: Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm by Joe
heimer
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:26pm via mobile QuoteEditlikePost OptionsPost by heimer on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:26pm
great call on prisoners of azkaban
heimer
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:27pm QuoteEditlikePost OptionsPost by heimer on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:27pm
Joe Avatar
Nov 13, 2022 at 10:24pm Joe said:
I enjoyed this a lot. I lolled pretty hard at “farting uncontrollably”
it’s a real serious problem not to be made light of
jwoo
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:33pm QuotelikePost OptionsPost by jwoo on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:33pm
I have that effect on people sometimes
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEEEEEEEEEE
Joe
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Posts: 3,557
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Nov 13, 2022 at 10:42pm QuotelikePost OptionsPost by Joe on Nov 13, 2022 at 10:42pm
Grade: 375 x 1.5 = 575RP
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
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