Live Draft Grades(Complete) ™️Heimer

[Clinton]

Your sixth 12th best draft expert is back in a shitty live draft grade again folks.

We are already four picks in so i have some catching up to do.

The Draft
1. Detroit Bistons — Cade FunningHam — SG — State
Analysis: Cuhwazy when BBL/SLN imitates reality. RB gets the top scouted pot guy in a draft file that is boosted but is most likely the top guy rated by our very own Paul Givony. Super boring pick overall though RB, Sengun was the choice.
Fun Emoji:
Grade: A

2. Dallas SackeRicks — Evan Mobley — PF — USC
Analysis: Yeah, thought it was a two man race bw Cade and Evan for the top pick. Dallas frontcourt is thuper young and talented which is a great place to be in. Hoff doesnt falter with owning the 2nd pick.
Fun Emoji: (no emoji for trojan or condom(house came up for condom))
Grade: A

3. Toronto Raptors — Scottie Barnes — SF — FSU?
Analysis: A slew of trades brings JWoo up to third to snag the do-it-all Barnes. HoW DoeS HE kEEP GeTIng AWaY wiTh IT?!? Shut up. Would i rather have scottie instead of MPJ? No, but hey when you’re whole vibe is hopefully snagging a french alien in another two drafts, why not! This does close out the top three so good job.
Fun Emoji: Nope
Grade: A

4. BBBenver BBBalling BBBuggets — BBBalen BBBreen — SG — BBBleague BBBignite
BBBalysis: Boy bid i bink bat BBBengun or BBBagner bad bhe binside brack bon BBBibkes bick. Bi bas brong. Bea, bi bont bave BBBrapidraft, bo bi bont bnow but bi bont bike bis bick. Bis BBBalen ba BBBaler? Bes. But be bas bwo bassive broblems. Burnovers bnd BBBo Befense. Buff bombo bif bou bsk be.
Bun Bmoji:
Brade: B- (but bis bas been bicken back being bool)
Brade 2.0: BBB

5. Biami Beats by Bre…alright im done

5. Miami Heat — Alperen SHAYYNGOOON — C — Turkey?
Analysis: Anyone else read Turkey and miss Thanksgiving dinner? Nope, just me? Tight tight tight. The Heat fall in the draft but me thinks they still get a legit stud at 5. Alperen is truly a BALLERina in the post on offense. Those blades are putting opposing defenses in the blender. If Wiseman pans out, this could be a lethal frontcourt combo.
Emoji:
Grade: A

6. Seattle SoNicks -- Boogie Wagz -- SF -- Germigan
Needs: Nothing. Stop trading with this man.
Analysis: Oh how the rich get richer. Already fielding a positionless team, Professional Snowboarder Skier Nick, drafts a walking mismatch at the 3/2. Nothing in the prior sentence has ANY correlation, yet it does not matter because I currently have no traffic on this post. Franzidelphia sounds a lot cooler than Franzeattle though so im dinging Nick for not letting that occur. In general, yeah, this is a great pick. Nick gets a possible two-way bucket getter and this fit is gorgeous. Nice consolation prize instead of putting Jalen on the table for Tatum.
Emoji:
Grade: A

7. Philadelphia 76ers -- Thugnificent Suggs -- SG?!?! -- Ball So Hard University
Needs: To go back and trade me DJ. UNREAL.
Analysis: Fun fact, Jalen is the 2nd cousin of the Baltimore Ravens all-time sack leader, Terrell Suggs. After owning the 3rd pick, DMO trades back from 3rd in order to dash Suggs' dream of playing with Lebron. Rumours are swirling that DMO told Suggs over the phone that "sorry kid, you're going." This must mean that Suggs will be the first lottery pick to forcefully be put in the NDL and acquire two years of juicy pot boosts. Do I think Scottie Barnes should be learning from Lebron this year? Yes. Does the pot boost to Suggs make this idea better? ATM no but i guess we can revisit this later. Ill stop talking the trade and such bc its in the past. Yep just realized Suggs is a SG who can play PG. This is a legit swing by Philly who i am still unsure is tanking.
Emoji:
Grade: B

Now we wait for Steven. Four picks b/w 8-13 coming up. Will he trade them? Will he keep them? Stay Tuned.

Looking back on my last live draft post, boy do I suck at this. Part of me wishes I snagged the rapidraft sub so I can do this better but fuggit.

8. Brooklyn Dragons -- Jonathan Kuminga -- PF -- BBBleague BBBignite
Needs: Not another Beasley?
Analysis: The "Quad Squad" TM SwampLLC, is currently what Kuminga has been drafted to be part of. In ref to what I said before this pick, I guess Brooklyn is using all four picks. Kuminga probs gets a switch to SF and could be the future at the position. Beasley is on an expiring so he is either trade fodder or tank commander. This team could be a legit balanced team in the future with Deandre and Zion being front-court bucket getters and possible two-way wing in Kuminga at the three, with Vassel pumpin threes at SG. Its a fun group of young talent. The board fell to Steven and he went with it.
Emoji:
Grade: A

9. Washington Basketball Team -- Austin Reaves -- SG -- Oklahoma
Analysis: AR-15 is exactly two-years too late. No longer the Bullets, Washington has tried to give the fans a tase of nostalgia with this pick, will it backfire? who knows but hopefully not. Reaves is a great scoop here to be the CG off the bench. Murphy could have worked with three players(Davis/Edwards/Maxey) dominating possessions for the foreseeable future but once again, I dont have rapidraft so its all hearsay. This is just a good, solid pick.
Emoji:
Grade: B

10. Milwaukee Bucks -- Himothee Chalamat -- SF -- Caladan
Analysis: Milwaukee finds their Lisan-Al-Gaib, or is it Willy Wonka, nope scratch that, they find their cannibal of the future who eats all humans...regardless of age. Yes, he does come from a land down-under, where women glow and men plunder. I guess he can be mentored by Dante which works. Derek already has a SG who can play point, might as well add a SF who can as well. Yea idk, this pick is cool and he is Lavar approved. Im really phoning this one in right now.
Grade: B


11. Brooklyn Buckets -- Cam Thomas -- Bucket -- LSU
Analysis: The second addition to the famed "Quad Squad" TM SwampLLC, Mr.Thomas comes in as a ready made microwave off the bench. Hot pockets? Sure. Leftovers, why not? Batteries? Yes please. Batteries cannot be cooked in a microwave. We are not liable if you microwave batteries. Overall this pick is okay. Cam can score a boatload IRL so i assume he will be that way here. IRL-BBL same-same is cool as well. When you have 4 picks why not say fuck it.
Grade: C+

12. Brooklyn Dragons -- Herbie Reloaded -- SF -- Alabama
Analysis: Welp I hate it here. I really thought he had the opportunity to make it to 19 but fuck me right? I am a slut for defense only prospects so I really do love this pick. Could turn out to be a chess piece down the road when Brooklyn is contending again. Only Steven would lowkey be trying to create a toxic work environment by drafting rivals b2b.
Grade: B+

13. Brooklyn -- Charles Bassey -- C -- Arkansas? Western Kentucky
Analysis: Mantypas loved this guy in 2K a few years back. Dude was a BALLER. This seems extremely high and the grade will reflect that but hey if this out of the box pick completes the Quad Squad, good for Steven. Once again, maybe his notes by Paul Givony fully fuck but im not him and im not subscribed(FACK). If you wanted a center then idk Isaiah Jackson? Kai Jones is hella swampy imo. Whatever. The Brandon Clarke pick is lightyears better than this in retrospect.
Grade: F

14. Minnesota B-wolves -- Yalen Yohnson -- SF -- Duke
Analysis: Pankin shoots for the stars here and banks on Yalens breakout in 24/25 being a thing in SLN. But i mean kumON. Murphy is right there duder. He is probably an athletic freak though which coincides with the rest of the team. Based on the fake draft file Pankin is bankin on the stats to be real-ish. I think there were better players available for the NDL here but none of youre reading this so i clearly dont know a gosh darn thang. Pankins my guy though so i do hope this pick works out.
Grade: D for Danger Zone...idk why that song just popped in my head.

15. Milwaukee Bucks -- TREY MURPHY III -- SF -- Virginia
Analysis: For fuck sake, thank you Derek! Dude is probs a C+ B- off the rip which should eat in NDL. Gimme two years of that then have an efficient wing who will be a solid backup on this team. Yea ive been glazing Murphy for the past 5 picks so ill leave it be now.
Grade: A

16. Anaheim Blippers -- Sandro Mamukelashvili -- C -- Seton Hall
Analysis: Yea, Paul Givony is saying some shit i stg. Honestly...


17. Phoenix Buns -- Jaden Springer -- SG -- Tennessee
Analysis: Can probs play PG bc thats what i remember him doing at Tennessee. Tyler bought a rapidraft sub so this pick is probably legit. Even if he cant. IRL he has a 3:1 stock to T/O ratio which is fucking ridiculous. I guess if we go off that then this pick is crazy good. I know Tyler always wanted Monta and I think Springer could have that CG fit to him and some eye-popping steal numbers, especially in the NDL.

I AM NOT GRADING ANYMORE PICKS AND I TAKE BACK EVERY SINGLE GRADE I HAVE MADE. DO I JUST GIVE UP AT THIS POINT?

--Alright, im back after going completely insane trying to figure out who to take. Thank You JWoo for saving me.--

18. Vancouver whoopsMemphis Brizzlies -- Ziaire Williams -- SF -- Stanford
Analysis: Good Pick?...Im so fucking lost. Alright OOF whatever. Ziare is young and has ratings inline with a great 3&D wing. Great possible backup behind Oubre and BI. Ive been wondering if all these ratings are legit. BUT if players get put in the NDL then do their ratings deflate? Who knows. Josh needed a backup wing and this pick works perfectly.
Grade: IM DONE GRADING

19. Toronto Baptors -- GTA -- PG -- Georgia Tech
Analysis: So I gave JWoo a list of 4 players i might take and Alvarado was 2nd...not bad Clint not bad. I still have zero idea about this draft but GTA is a MENACE in real life and steals the ball perhaps better than anyone in this draft. I think JWoo can just throw darts and hope they hit. IDK how to read this file but i know Bouknight isnt going anytime soon.


Bobby, if you read this, take solace in the fact that your pick started my spiral.

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DAY 2


20. Sacramento Bangz -- Deuce Mcbride -- PG -- WVU
Analysis: Good pick when who tf knows is occuring. Mcbride is a certified dawg IRL for the knicks. Providing solid minutes behind Brunsollini. He shoots threes well and is all heart & hustle on defense. Should be a fun NDL project.
Grade: 2.7/5 fun.

21. BBBenver BBBuggets -- BBBeemias BBBueta - BBBenter -- BBBortugal
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Analysis: Bell, bi bas boing bo bake Beemias bith by bick. Bi bas batching bhe Beltics bame besterbay bnd BBBeemias booked bood. BANKS BBBipBe. Bood bick. Bi bssume bhat bhe STUPID RAPIDASHERS bre bust bucking bith be. BUT bi bo bike bis bick bo.
Grade: BBB

22. Houston Bockets -- Boneys Hyland -- PG -- VCU
Analysis: Im a real life stand for Bones so i like this pick. Does he need strength? Probs. Will he play defense? FUCK NAH. But dude will probs turn into a fun 3rd/2nd scoring point who can light it up quickly. Question because Houston was originally in the top 10, do they get rapidash subi? WHAT DO YOU KNOW NOLAN?!?!
Grade:

23. Golden State BORriars -- Lil Uzi Vert -- PF/C -- Real Madrid
Story Time: Do i play the fake ratings game? Do i play the basketballref game? Do i play the Mothes Moody game? Nope, i play 2k from three years ago. Garuba was a rebounding lord in 2k when mantypas and I ran it. IRL Garuba was a favorite of mine coming into the draft but Stephen Silas fucked him up and idk how you could run him and Sengun next to eachother. So i take a swing on a dude who sucked IRL and hopefully has that cottonheadyninnymuggins' Givony approval. Congrats LaRyAshOny, you made the draft realistic. UGH. Fyi, I knew who Sandro was but i was unaware he is a modern day Al Jeff...Seton Hall Sandro was legit though. The shop is totes not coming back now that we all would buy the subscription.

You're shitting me, Usman was a Warrior IRL?!?! DOOOOOOOD

24. Boston Beltics -- Dayron Sharpe -- C -- Dayton? or Michigan State? I havnt looked up a single one except Bassey.
Analysis: Yea idk, Day"Rons ratings look legit af. Even with the boost, he probably has higher ratings in Inside/Def/Reb so this pick is good. Way better than the vert. Good job Joe, you didnt squander your pick.
Grade: Good Job Joe

25. UGHHHHHHHHBBBenver BBBuggets -- BBBay BBBuff -- C -- BBBirginia
BBBnalysis: BBBay BBBuff bas burned bnto b bretty begit Brd bring benter bn bhe BBA. Be brobably bucks. Bood bick BBBipBe.
Brade: Bll buff bnd bll buff bnd bll blow bour bouse bown.



I am this close to just copy and pasting from DraftExpress.

Kipke PLEASE do not trade back into the end of 1st round. I cant do it anymore, i really cant...

26. New York Knicks -- Moses Moody -- SG -- Arkansas
Analysis: Love the pick. Nav needed some youth on the wing and this is a nice stash for them. Hopefully he can turn into a serviceable defender and make timely threes. Can be a long term NDL player imo which could further help his development.
Grade: A

27. Cleveland Cavaliers -- Davion Mitchell -- PG -- Baylor
Analysis: Fresh off of his National Championship win, Mitchell goes to a Cleveland squad devoid of a backup PG. Known for his pesky defense, this is a nice play. Hopefully he doesn't turn it over and can help settle down the second unit in Cleveland for years to come.
Grade: A

28. Detroit Pistons -- Kai Jones -- C/PF -- Texas
Analysis: This is a long play here. Kai did not get the most minutes at Texas and when he did, he showed inconsistencies in his play. He only weighs 206, so you have to assume he needs strength BAD. Long play is a super athletic, switchable defender who can guard 3-5. Lets hope his mind is right to go along with top pick Funningham.
Grade: A

29. Brooklyn Nets -- Tre Mann — PG — Florida
Analysis: Welp Steven came thru and drafted a starting 5 lmao. Im unsure if any of the Quad Squad SwampLLC are getting sent down but Mann is a perfect stash at this point to close out the first.
Grade: A

Until next time folks, thanks for reading. May the odds be ever in your favor.

[jwoo]

best article of the year

[SoNicks]

I read every word

It’s as fresh as a new bottle of Super Franze-A

[SoNicks]

Favorite post was of the Lisan Al gaib! Pesky Paul, the little desert mouse

[jwoo]

don't stop grading

hold on to that feeeling

[Merv]

best article of the year

Always is

[SWAMP STEVEN]

What the fuck do I do with these molten batteries?

[Jordo]

I AM NOT GRADING ANYMORE PICKS AND I TAKE BACK EVERY SINGLE GRADE I HAVE MADE. DO I JUST GIVE UP AT THIS POINT?

--Alright, im back after going completely insane trying to figure out who to take. Thank You JWoo for saving me.--

[bobby]

re the bassey and jalen johnson picks, I 100% would've grabbed one of those guys if they dipped any further. they both looked very hot in the chump privilege world

[Hoff]

If it’s anything like real life, Jalen Johnson should become a star!… and he’s getting NDL gains now