Sim League Nirvana

Here we are, post frenzy in the great crusade for RP to make my hopefully #1 picks great! Today’s entry, league pass rankings. There are a few completely arbitrary and unclear criteria to figure out this order. So here we go.
#29. LA Lakers
Boy did this roster get bad. Impressive tanking trades from GX. Anthony Morrow looks like he could be okay and probably deserves more PT. 23.4 points per 36 and shooting .468/.448/.912, he’s an interesting bench piece for a contender. CJ McCollum looks like he needs TC Jesus, will be interested to see how that develops. Everything else is a complete tire fire in the Crypt.

#28. Nav York Knicks
While they do play at MSG, there’s basically nothing redeeming about this roster in any capacity. Victor Oladipo is a fun prospect but he’s still not very good at this stage. Nikola Pekovic would check the box as a fun league pass player but he’s really just not very good. Bad team, don’t watch.

#27. Golden State Warriors
You’d think Jeremy Lin would get you higher, but he’s still not starting at PG! The rest of this roster is pretty meh. Brook Lopez at 2.7 blocks per game is fun but is making too much to get traded. Tobias looks fun. Adam Morrison is calling the tank police because he needs minutes. Larry Sanders sadly doesn’t look great.

#26. Phoenix peterSUNS
Amare is a natural born tanker. Averaging 15.5 turnovers per game the Suns are pretty bad. The only thing keeping the Suns this high is Ray Allen. The guy is hunting the all-time scoring record! Dedmon looks insanely efficient for a rookie and might be the steal of the draft if he continues to develop.

#25. Orlando Magic
Somehow we just won 3 straight?! Magic have made a ton of trades and tried a few DCs. Damion James has been a lot of fun and would be a great league pass guy. He shoots basically no 3’s and just bully balls other SFs. Cory Joseph has rounded into being a pretty nice PG for a 2nd round pick. Terrence Ross is doing his best sim league Human Torch. We have the most decent young players playing of the tankers so we’re probably not the worst to watch.

#24. Cleveland Cavaliers
Jae Crowder is a 1 man league pass army. It would be so much fun to watch stocky Jae Crowder just cook SLN. TRob is quietly averaging a double double. Rondo tunred this squad into a better team once the Tank Police got involved. Nerlens runs and blocks everything at the rim. Think the Cavs would be a fun hang. #23. Minnesota Timberwolves
James Harden continually passes the ball to the other team and Bambi-like Giannis is far from his final form. Everything else here is pretty rough. Rip Hamilton is slowly dying and putting up adequate numbers. Harden/Giannis is more fun to watch than any of the true tankers.

#22. Vancouver Grizzlies
Just a -1.7 differential led by POTM Ray Felton. S/O to Big Ray Ray. He needed to be free from Ralph’s horrendous coaching to finally blossom. Steve Francis is absolute bucket at the two. Favors is stocky as hell. Tyson Chandler is an eraser at the rim. No wonder they can’t lose right. Sounds fun to watch though.

#21. Seattle SuperSonicks
This is honestly a really boring team to watch. Oden misses 6/10 shots and just gets put backs. Moon Man is a wrecking ball defensively. Conley is a bland PG in terms of play style. The rest of the team isn’t very interesting and John Wall doesn’t play.

#20. San Antonio DeAndre Jordos
Kind of interesting players but the Spurs are a boring watch. I bet Jordo Popovich runs a generic style for Kawhi to get buckets. Kyle Lowry has been a revelation for the Spurs after the Demolition Man didn’t really pan out. Kevin Love and DeAndre make a decent front court with MKG as a big butt. Khris Middleton super camp will be key.

#19. LA Clippers
DRose has been underwhelming but Boogie looks fun as hell. I’m sure Boogie leads breaks as Kobe and DRose fill the wings. Gortat is key for the Clippers defensively. A balanced team probably isn’t overly fun and DeRozan has underwhelmed. Hopefuly Vuc starts to blossom.

#18. Houston Rockets
An inside focused team probably isn’t too fun to turn on the TV. Nothing but playing really slow and going to the free throw line. Lots of post entries for Eddy and mid post entries for Blake and TMac. If you like scoring, don’t turn on the Rockets.

#17. Charlotte Hornets
Yao post ups. Nothing but Yao. Rudy Gay with elbow catches and face-up attacks. That’s all you’re seeing in Charlotte. The Queen City has a lot of ISO scoring, but 7’5 Yao is probably a joy to behold.

#16. Toronto Raptors
The Raptors are the ultimate league pass bad team. They play fast as shit, and Rubio steals the ball from everyone. They’re shooting 46.6% as a team, and Gordon Hayward has erupted as a legit backcourt scorer as he’s shooting 51.1% from the field. Pierce is having a tremendous statistical season. The Raptors can probably out shoot anyone on a given night but can’t find consistency.

#15. New Jersey Swamp Dragons
I cannot understand why they suck. But damn, I bet it’s glorious to watch. Kemba looks like peak Hornets Kemba. JJ Redick is a bucket. Danny Granger is a locker room cancer that is undermining the whole thing. Anthony Davis is starting to figure it out. Royce White is screaming on planes and team owner Steven writes the best swamp stories. 240 points are scored per game at the Izod Center

#14. Washington Bullets
Manu is aging gracefully. He’s capable of going for 50 on any night. JRich has added another elite scorer. Chris Paul is more famous than elite but it all makes up for a nice time on league pass. Shame ZBo and Gerald got hurt because it’ll probably sink the Bullets season.

#13. Philadelphia 76ers
LeBron James

#12. Indiana Pacers
Pretty high level offensive team led by the former best big man in SLN, Chris Bosh. Deron Williams, Jimmy Butler, and Brandon Roy make for an amazing 3-headed monster on the wings. Drummond is a fun big and shows a lot of promise. Old-head Jason Hart is steady as ever. Just a fun team all around.

#11. Boston Celtics
Getting to the point now where it’s getting hard to differentiate. Michael Beasley is completely dominating and Paul George is solid. Devin Harris is basically having his best season yet. The bigs and bench are boring so that knocks them down the list.

#10. Chicago Bulls
Losing Tony Parker will knock you down a few pegs. Rashad McCants and OJ Mayo are absolute buckets. Brandon Jennings finally has a chance to lead a good team. Eddie Griffin is a walking double double and elite defender. He’s probably worth the price of admission alone.

#9. Miami Heat
These guys would be so much fun. Klay erupting on a nightly basis. Kevin Garnett and Tim Duncan spending their twilight years in South Florida. Andrew Bogut is dropping dimes and erasing shots at a high rate. Dame Lillard doesn’t miss much. Sign me up for Heat games.

#8. Atlanta Hawks
We haven’t seen full Hawks yet but I’m so ready. Dirk, Jamal, and Russ. That’s all I need. Hawks every night on TV. Joakim Noah is probably starting fights and Tyreke gets buckets when the big 3 aren’t on.

#7. Dallas Mavericks
Rudy Fernandez and Jrue Holiday just going bananas in the backcourt. These guys are insane scorers. Jrue having this level of scoring efficiency with just 1.8 turnovers as the #1 option. He feels like SGA in SLN. AK47 and Ryan Anderson are basically polar opposites and make for a set of fun wings.

#6. Utah Jazz
Al Hefty has taken the throne of best big in SLN. He’s been an off and on option this year and has responded with 24.9 PPG, 13.0 RPG, 3.4 BPG on 50.1% FG% and 85.6% FT%. What a 27 games for Al!!! Marvin Williams and Dahntay Jones are tremendous scorers on the wing, and Jay Williams brought the winning experience Utah needed to take a step forward.

#5. Milwaukee Bucks
Kevin Durant going nuclear on a nightly basis. I’d love to see this KD in person. LaMarcus Aldridge isn’t quite at the highs of where he used to be. Ersan is shooting the ever living piss out of the ball. Agent Zero has had a year reminiscent of his Hornets days.

#4. Denver Nuggets
A backcourt of Melo, Monta, and Steph Curry is must see TV. It hasn’t gone as well as Kipke hoped but it’s definitely fun as hell to witness.

#3. Detroit Pistons
Kyrie Irving and Lou Williams. That’s it.

#2. Portland Trail Blazers
Insane firepower in Portland. They’re all over the glass with Yi at SF averaging 9.8 RPG and Powe getting 13.3 R/36. Jameer is having a down season now that there’s more people to pass to but his efficiency is still great. Ben Gordon and CJ Miles are great SGs. Dwight is everything but a good scorer. I love this Blazers team.

#1. Sacramento Kangz
Boban, DWade, and Tony Parker. Boban has been great coming out the NDL. Tony Parker and DWade are having who can score the most battles in the backcourt. I think they’re still figuring out who the Alpha is late in games since they’ve lost so many by one possession.

john wall doesnt play because i dont negotiate with terrorists who get More TOs that FGM

76ers underrated

LeBron would be/is must watch tv

congrats merv, Lin is now starting PG.

We aren't even nationally televised that often. Effin SLN league office all about the revenue

this was a fun read thx merv man

Need to self advocate here. If we’re talking real life, d rose, Kobe, boogie and demar gotta be higher on this list

bobby wrote: April 30th, 2024, 6:08 pm Need to self advocate here. If we’re talking real life, d rose, Kobe, boogie and demar gotta be higher on this list

In real life, they would be

350 RP