SLN GM POLL SWAMP BALLOT II - RESULTS
Posted: July 10th, 2024, 6:47 pm
For a second offseason, back by popular demand. Oh no, why would you set me up like that!
KEMBA YOU MISS HIM DON'T YOU
AD, WISH YOU COULD HIT HIM DON'T YOU
YOU SHOULD CALL ME DRAGON
I UNDERSTAND, I'M BACK BY SWAMPULAR DEMAND
THAT LOU WILL FLY
OUTSIDE OF SWAMPEYE'S EATING CHICKEN AND FRIES
YEAH COME HOLLA AT YA DRAGON
I UNDERSTAND, I'M BACK BY SWAMPULAR DEMAND
Which GM would make it furthest in a social competition show - Real World, Survivor, The Traitors, etc.? EAST
Who didn’t come here to make friends? Who is licking the torch completely dry? Tribunal went with NAV here, in a very close field.
2. Joe
3. TIE between Tonger, Heimer and DMorrel
Others receiving votes: Scoops, Swamp, Weston
Which GM would make it furthest in a social competition show? WEST
This is the true story…of two strangers…picked to sim together, and have their lives taped…Ralph and Tyler tied for the dub! I’m imagining these two as an elite duo competing on The Amazing Race, carrying suitcases full of pudding and intermittently hollering Offset adlibs (more on that in a moment, it’s 2016).
2. TIE between Nick and Jordo
Others receiving votes: GX, Kipke
Do you smell that? Nooooo! MATT FARTED ON THE WHOLE EAST.
2. TIE between Joe and Woo
Others receiving votes: Merv, Weston, DMorrel, Swamp
Do you smell that NEW but equally odious smell? Sure seems like Ralph and Clint split a Blooming Funyun at Poppa Nü Guinea’s Pantry of Pain.
2. TIE between Kipke, Pankin and Jordo
Others receiving votes: Nolan, Nick, Jesse, Tyler
Which GMs are giving you that summer crush vibe? That's that sim espresso, EAST
Tonger, 8 votes
Swamp, 7 votes
Heimer, 6 votes
TIE between Joe, RB and Woo, 4 votes
TIE between Mantypas, Merv, Nav and Matt, 3 votes
Everyone got at least one vote, cue the will.I.am rap about the CIA and KKK! PEOPLE SIMMING PEOPLE CRYING
Which GMs are giving you that summer crush vibe? Sometimes ya gotta pop out and show Ashes, WEST
Jordo, 7 votes
GX, 5 votes
TIE between Hoff, Clint, Tyler, Nick and Ralph, 4 votes
TIE between Sam, Pankin and Josh, 3 votes
Everyone here got MULTIPLE votes except for one person. I know who I’m sending this custom-stitched “MR. FUGLY” apron to
Which GM briefly delayed our game because they simmed back to Woodstock and got lost? EAST
Hahahaha Heimer by a landslide, dude is STILL talking about Sirhan Sirhan harshing the mellow. SCRONY JOPLIN OVER HERE AYE YO
2. JBurns
3. Swamp
Which GMs briefly delayed our game because they simmed back to Woodstock and got lost? WEST
Hahahahahahahahahaha Clint won by an even larger margin than Heimer did. Heard he put RP in his headband so that it soaks into his skin while he sims
2. TIE between GX and Nick
3. TIE between Bobby and Pankin
Who showed up on Ben Simmons' arm at the simulated draft night in Brooklyn? My favorite responses are as follows:
Kendall Jenner (does not exist in this realm, absolutely not after she did that ad for Diet Bigotry, which is not even a refreshing lemon-lime alternative to Sprite or the other leading brands)
Tim Quarterman (spacetime is so fragile, guys)
Ken Bone (got a legitimate LOL from me)
Royce White (perhaps the only baddie who cannot get flewed out, medically speaking)
Tinashe (HOW FUGGIN DARE YOU)
Lindsay Lohan (unironically good casting for a Disney Channel original movie called, like, LAST THANKSGIVING or SENIOR SKIP YEAR or BEACH TO REMEMBER)
Hawk Tua Girl (stunning amount of organic chemistry here, wow)
Which two GMs are spiritual twins?
Get this – Ralph wants to wear a monocle, as a goof, but if you’re gonna actually buy eyewear you may as well get the quality stuff. So he goes to the mall – not the mall he was to meet Yung Joc at a decade prior, but a mall nonetheless, one with a pretzel store and a perfume buffet and a map of all the bathrooms. He’s browsing around, negotiating with food court staff for extra samples of orange chicken or at least purple chicken, when BAM IT’S HIS LONG LOST TWIN, MATT.
SIMSTER SIMSTER
This was the winner by far, other noms:
DMo and Clint
DMo and Nick
Nick and Woo
Woo and Jesse (2)
Woo and Merv (3)
Pankin and JBurns
Scoops and Bobby
Tyler and Jesse
Summer of 2016 was so awesome, kinda crystallized as the last unequivocally good time in my mind. So, a few questions on the re-sim of 2016...first, what happened to Harambe in this timeline? My favorites:
Like four of you said he became the President of the United States. Fellas??? Really?!?!? That gorilla does not look a day over 30. That Laroche Pussay cream does wonders
“Adopted by Kyrie Irving as a housepet” – another unironically fantastic set up for a shitty Disney Channel original. Kyrie is probably played by Corbin Bleu. Harambe is probably played by Kyrie Irving
“Got way too deep in the trap / SoundCloud rap game. Prime Lil Uzi, Rae Sremmurd, Future, Young Thug. Tried to push Future’s summer 16 piece, Project ET, too hard upon his peers.Iinsistent that ‘Party Pack’ was a generational hit. He took ‘Too Much Sauce’ a bit too seriously and got lost in it. His AUX rights at the Cincinnati Zoo were revoked and he got banished to play Pokémon Go in the Central African Republic” - PANDA PANDA PANDA PANDA GRRRRRRRRAHHHHHHHHHH I GOT BROADS IN THE ‘NNATI
“Harambe learned to play Pokemon Go and was too busy trying to catch another Geodude to tend to the child falling into his habitat” - MACHAMP HAD FOUR ARMS, SO SICK
“Got a supercamp, averaged 3 stocks per 36” - Harambe is a lower-ceiling Anthony Davis, I guess
“Saved the kid, didn’t die. Had a tv interview in sign language. On the SLN dollar bill” - THE ONLY SIGN LANGUAGE I SPEAK IS GORILLA DOLLAR SIGN, SIR
“Harambe picked up the child and calmly walked him over to the cage exit. He politely handed the boy to the zookeeper and was promptly given a key to the city of Cincinnati. He would go on to be voted mayor, then Governor of Ohio, only to challenge Trump and Biden for president in 2024 and win” – UHHH, SPOILER ALERT. Didn’t know Hillbilly Elegy was so, uh, bad, yeah that’s the word, bad!
Prince and Bowie obviously stay with us, and have Michael Redd/Steve Francis late-career sims. But which celebrity do we tragically lose in this version of 2016? My favorites:
“Tom Cruise. One stunt too many” - he actually had an insanely normal sim in this universe. Episcopalean, and also did like four Vanilla Sky sequels with different flavors of ice cream
“JFK
“ – guys, the spacetime, please be mindful. It’s like I have to remind you guys of the rules every time I host a party – HEY, CLINT AND RALPH ARE TRYING TO COME BACK INSIDE, GET THOSE STINKERS OUT OF HERE!
The Chainsmokers – smoking kills, unless you wear sunglasses and look totally ace taking a lil puff, awwww yeah
“Prince” - I will find whoever anonymously submitted this, and I will Starfish and Coffee your goddamn soul. The fuckin’ ignorace, my my
Michael Rappaport - one of Phoebe’s boyfriends really shot a bird, and it somehow wasn’t the boyfriend played by Tom Selleck? Any Given Sunday, I guess, which starred Lisa Kudrow in the Al Pacino role in a 2015 simulated remake for female audiences. Rotten Tomatoes score: 59
Shaq
Joe Biden
Donald Trump
Will Smith
Justin Bieber
Zach Braff (?????????)
Kanye West
Kim Kardashian
“Would’ve preferred to be smoking that Queen Elizabeth pack in my stoner prime so let’s go with lil shawty”
LAST AND VERY MUCH LEAST, A DEAD TIE FOR RAINDROP DROPTOP
Bad (8 votes)
Boujee (8 votes)
COOKIN TC IN A CROCK POT!
KEMBA YOU MISS HIM DON'T YOU
AD, WISH YOU COULD HIT HIM DON'T YOU
YOU SHOULD CALL ME DRAGON
I UNDERSTAND, I'M BACK BY SWAMPULAR DEMAND
THAT LOU WILL FLY
OUTSIDE OF SWAMPEYE'S EATING CHICKEN AND FRIES
YEAH COME HOLLA AT YA DRAGON
I UNDERSTAND, I'M BACK BY SWAMPULAR DEMAND
Which GM would make it furthest in a social competition show - Real World, Survivor, The Traitors, etc.? EAST
Who didn’t come here to make friends? Who is licking the torch completely dry? Tribunal went with NAV here, in a very close field.
2. Joe
3. TIE between Tonger, Heimer and DMorrel
Others receiving votes: Scoops, Swamp, Weston
Which GM would make it furthest in a social competition show? WEST
This is the true story…of two strangers…picked to sim together, and have their lives taped…Ralph and Tyler tied for the dub! I’m imagining these two as an elite duo competing on The Amazing Race, carrying suitcases full of pudding and intermittently hollering Offset adlibs (more on that in a moment, it’s 2016).
2. TIE between Nick and Jordo
Others receiving votes: GX, Kipke
Do you smell that? Nooooo! MATT FARTED ON THE WHOLE EAST.
2. TIE between Joe and Woo
Others receiving votes: Merv, Weston, DMorrel, Swamp
Do you smell that NEW but equally odious smell? Sure seems like Ralph and Clint split a Blooming Funyun at Poppa Nü Guinea’s Pantry of Pain.
2. TIE between Kipke, Pankin and Jordo
Others receiving votes: Nolan, Nick, Jesse, Tyler
Which GMs are giving you that summer crush vibe? That's that sim espresso, EAST
Tonger, 8 votes
Swamp, 7 votes
Heimer, 6 votes
TIE between Joe, RB and Woo, 4 votes
TIE between Mantypas, Merv, Nav and Matt, 3 votes
Everyone got at least one vote, cue the will.I.am rap about the CIA and KKK! PEOPLE SIMMING PEOPLE CRYING
Which GMs are giving you that summer crush vibe? Sometimes ya gotta pop out and show Ashes, WEST
Jordo, 7 votes
GX, 5 votes
TIE between Hoff, Clint, Tyler, Nick and Ralph, 4 votes
TIE between Sam, Pankin and Josh, 3 votes
Everyone here got MULTIPLE votes except for one person. I know who I’m sending this custom-stitched “MR. FUGLY” apron to
Which GM briefly delayed our game because they simmed back to Woodstock and got lost? EAST
Hahahaha Heimer by a landslide, dude is STILL talking about Sirhan Sirhan harshing the mellow. SCRONY JOPLIN OVER HERE AYE YO
2. JBurns
3. Swamp
Which GMs briefly delayed our game because they simmed back to Woodstock and got lost? WEST
Hahahahahahahahahaha Clint won by an even larger margin than Heimer did. Heard he put RP in his headband so that it soaks into his skin while he sims
2. TIE between GX and Nick
3. TIE between Bobby and Pankin
Who showed up on Ben Simmons' arm at the simulated draft night in Brooklyn? My favorite responses are as follows:
Kendall Jenner (does not exist in this realm, absolutely not after she did that ad for Diet Bigotry, which is not even a refreshing lemon-lime alternative to Sprite or the other leading brands)
Tim Quarterman (spacetime is so fragile, guys)
Ken Bone (got a legitimate LOL from me)
Royce White (perhaps the only baddie who cannot get flewed out, medically speaking)
Tinashe (HOW FUGGIN DARE YOU)
Lindsay Lohan (unironically good casting for a Disney Channel original movie called, like, LAST THANKSGIVING or SENIOR SKIP YEAR or BEACH TO REMEMBER)
Hawk Tua Girl (stunning amount of organic chemistry here, wow)
Which two GMs are spiritual twins?
Get this – Ralph wants to wear a monocle, as a goof, but if you’re gonna actually buy eyewear you may as well get the quality stuff. So he goes to the mall – not the mall he was to meet Yung Joc at a decade prior, but a mall nonetheless, one with a pretzel store and a perfume buffet and a map of all the bathrooms. He’s browsing around, negotiating with food court staff for extra samples of orange chicken or at least purple chicken, when BAM IT’S HIS LONG LOST TWIN, MATT.
SIMSTER SIMSTER
This was the winner by far, other noms:
DMo and Clint
DMo and Nick
Nick and Woo
Woo and Jesse (2)
Woo and Merv (3)
Pankin and JBurns
Scoops and Bobby
Tyler and Jesse
Summer of 2016 was so awesome, kinda crystallized as the last unequivocally good time in my mind. So, a few questions on the re-sim of 2016...first, what happened to Harambe in this timeline? My favorites:
Like four of you said he became the President of the United States. Fellas??? Really?!?!? That gorilla does not look a day over 30. That Laroche Pussay cream does wonders
“Adopted by Kyrie Irving as a housepet” – another unironically fantastic set up for a shitty Disney Channel original. Kyrie is probably played by Corbin Bleu. Harambe is probably played by Kyrie Irving
“Got way too deep in the trap / SoundCloud rap game. Prime Lil Uzi, Rae Sremmurd, Future, Young Thug. Tried to push Future’s summer 16 piece, Project ET, too hard upon his peers.Iinsistent that ‘Party Pack’ was a generational hit. He took ‘Too Much Sauce’ a bit too seriously and got lost in it. His AUX rights at the Cincinnati Zoo were revoked and he got banished to play Pokémon Go in the Central African Republic” - PANDA PANDA PANDA PANDA GRRRRRRRRAHHHHHHHHHH I GOT BROADS IN THE ‘NNATI
“Harambe learned to play Pokemon Go and was too busy trying to catch another Geodude to tend to the child falling into his habitat” - MACHAMP HAD FOUR ARMS, SO SICK
“Got a supercamp, averaged 3 stocks per 36” - Harambe is a lower-ceiling Anthony Davis, I guess
“Saved the kid, didn’t die. Had a tv interview in sign language. On the SLN dollar bill” - THE ONLY SIGN LANGUAGE I SPEAK IS GORILLA DOLLAR SIGN, SIR
“Harambe picked up the child and calmly walked him over to the cage exit. He politely handed the boy to the zookeeper and was promptly given a key to the city of Cincinnati. He would go on to be voted mayor, then Governor of Ohio, only to challenge Trump and Biden for president in 2024 and win” – UHHH, SPOILER ALERT. Didn’t know Hillbilly Elegy was so, uh, bad, yeah that’s the word, bad!
Prince and Bowie obviously stay with us, and have Michael Redd/Steve Francis late-career sims. But which celebrity do we tragically lose in this version of 2016? My favorites:
“Tom Cruise. One stunt too many” - he actually had an insanely normal sim in this universe. Episcopalean, and also did like four Vanilla Sky sequels with different flavors of ice cream
“JFK
“ – guys, the spacetime, please be mindful. It’s like I have to remind you guys of the rules every time I host a party – HEY, CLINT AND RALPH ARE TRYING TO COME BACK INSIDE, GET THOSE STINKERS OUT OF HERE!The Chainsmokers – smoking kills, unless you wear sunglasses and look totally ace taking a lil puff, awwww yeah
“Prince” - I will find whoever anonymously submitted this, and I will Starfish and Coffee your goddamn soul. The fuckin’ ignorace, my my
Michael Rappaport - one of Phoebe’s boyfriends really shot a bird, and it somehow wasn’t the boyfriend played by Tom Selleck? Any Given Sunday, I guess, which starred Lisa Kudrow in the Al Pacino role in a 2015 simulated remake for female audiences. Rotten Tomatoes score: 59
Shaq
Joe Biden
Donald Trump
Will Smith
Justin Bieber
Zach Braff (?????????)
Kanye West
Kim Kardashian
“Would’ve preferred to be smoking that Queen Elizabeth pack in my stoner prime so let’s go with lil shawty”
LAST AND VERY MUCH LEAST, A DEAD TIE FOR RAINDROP DROPTOP
Bad (8 votes)
Boujee (8 votes)
COOKIN TC IN A CROCK POT!
