Monty Williams dies of heat stroke, Suns replace coach with Italian Stallion
Posted: September 18th, 2024, 2:23 pm
***BREAKING NEWS****
Phoenix Suns Head Coach and former Player/Coach, Monty Williams, has died of a heat stroke while tripping ayahuasca in the parking lot of a local Phoenix strip mall right in between a Perkins and Wild Birds Unlimited. The Suns famously traded 750 RPs and 2 firsts for the 90's equivalent of Wesley Johnson. Owner, Tyler, was quoted at the time saying "Monty's presence in the locker room as the league's first player coach can't be measured in picks or RPs. I'd do the trade 100 times over."
When asked about Williams' death at the press conference this afternoon immediately following Sim 2, Tyler had this to say:
"Monty played with heart and he coached with grace. Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell. Such a long time to be gone and such a short time to be there. May the four winds blow you safely home."
When the reporter pressed Tyler if those were just Grateful Dead lyrics, he simply responded "A box of rain will ease the pain and love will see you through," as he stepped back and signaled for a tall white man wearing a lucha libre mask with the Italian flag painted on to take center stage.
The tall masked man grabbed the mic with two hands, stared down every individual in the press conference room for at least three seconds before saying, "Monty Williams... dead at the age of who the fuck cares!!"
A female reporter yells out from the crowd "Oh Heavens I know that voice! That is Tom Gugliotta!! He impregnated me in 1996 and I'm a virgin, I swear!"
The masked man rips the mask off, pulls a large Italian Sub from Jersey Mike from his trousers, bites into the footlong and mid chew declares into the mic, "that's right, bitches. There is a new head ball coach in town. We are turning back the clock two decades."
Phoenix Suns Head Coach and former Player/Coach, Monty Williams, has died of a heat stroke while tripping ayahuasca in the parking lot of a local Phoenix strip mall right in between a Perkins and Wild Birds Unlimited. The Suns famously traded 750 RPs and 2 firsts for the 90's equivalent of Wesley Johnson. Owner, Tyler, was quoted at the time saying "Monty's presence in the locker room as the league's first player coach can't be measured in picks or RPs. I'd do the trade 100 times over."
When asked about Williams' death at the press conference this afternoon immediately following Sim 2, Tyler had this to say:
"Monty played with heart and he coached with grace. Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell. Such a long time to be gone and such a short time to be there. May the four winds blow you safely home."
When the reporter pressed Tyler if those were just Grateful Dead lyrics, he simply responded "A box of rain will ease the pain and love will see you through," as he stepped back and signaled for a tall white man wearing a lucha libre mask with the Italian flag painted on to take center stage.
The tall masked man grabbed the mic with two hands, stared down every individual in the press conference room for at least three seconds before saying, "Monty Williams... dead at the age of who the fuck cares!!"
A female reporter yells out from the crowd "Oh Heavens I know that voice! That is Tom Gugliotta!! He impregnated me in 1996 and I'm a virgin, I swear!"
The masked man rips the mask off, pulls a large Italian Sub from Jersey Mike from his trousers, bites into the footlong and mid chew declares into the mic, "that's right, bitches. There is a new head ball coach in town. We are turning back the clock two decades."