The Book of Ashes
Posted: November 8th, 2024, 11:10 am
Come forth readers and join me. Into the minds of madness we go. Come forth, and Praise be to Ashes. For we are not worthy of his flames. His Embers provide warmth. His Heat, His Wrath. Let the updrafts of his smoke carry the Ashes of our souls to the high heavens of SLN. I praise the Book of Ashes. May the SimGods Fires burn through me, and carry me to the heavens from the embers of earth as his ashes. Praise SimGod, for Ashes is all. Without him, there is no us. I am he who is in his circle. There is no balance without the dark. There can be no light without Ashes. Praise the SimGod. Ah-Him.
The Commandments of Ashes
Honor the Ascended
"Thou shalt respect those few raised from obscurity, for Ashes hath chosen them. For thy is the Boban, the Bonga, and the Klick Clack. We rise from the fires of potential, and lift ourselves to the heavens as Ashes, both himself and his children.”
Observe the Miracles
"Remember thy history for thyself to be true, found in the Ascension of Dirk, the purest form of Ashes’ blessing. His potential is in all of us, for we are all Ashes’ children."
Seek Divine Counsel:
"When lost, consult the Word of SimGod in His holy podcasts; the wisdom of Ashes shall guide thee. For few his words are, but big are their meanings. Listen up yee peasants, or the wrath of the fefe shall descend upon you.”
Revere the Rockets:
"For Ashes doth hold the Rockets dear; mock them not, lest ye incur his subtle wrath."
Celebrate the Ball Family:
"Honor the presence of the Balls, for Lavar and his sons are the chosen Disruptors, given prominence to bewilder and entertain."
Embrace the Chaos of Kyrie:
"Let no man judge Kyrie, for his ways are wild yet sacred, adding both madness and mystique to your lives. I Have Spoken."
Accept the Divine Plague:
"Bear the pandemic as a test of faith; endure it with reverence, for through you can be reborn from the embers of chaos, a child of Ashes is born."
Continue and Create in Ashes’ Name:
“Without him, there is no us. I am he who is in his circle. There is no balance without the dark. There can be no light without Ashes. For the Fires of SLN need fuel and his fuel is content and discourse. And unto us he said, ‘Let My followers create content, for i wish to digest. Let my followers create community, for I wish to find growth and shit talk. Let my followers continue the Book of Ashes, for as my job is never done, so too shall my book remain unfinished. Do this in remembrance of Dirk’ I Have Spoken”
The Book of Ashes has flourished among the fundamentalists of the southern SLN existence. This new age religion has gained popularity at a historical pace in the midst of global tension and panic. Disease is on the rise, and many feel they are not worshiping the right gods. A prophet has descended onto the land from the sands of our tears, to spread fires to the lands of SLN. The Lisan Al Boucher, the Ball’Adib. The prophet once named Javar Lamar Lavarious Ballz has for some reason been universally accepted as the grand overlord prophet for this entire religion. He has selected some verses for the League to pray over; from the Book of Ashes
"And Ashes did speak unto them, saying, 'Choose ye your players wisely, for I shall bless and curse as I see fit. From obscurity, I raise champions; and from champions, I may turn to dust.'”
Many fans of the SLN have begun to notice the active nature of their god's life in their lives. SLNs Marvel timeline has finally got to the sketchy Multiverse plotline. Its pretty shitty but the people are reasonably invested in it. Using the knowledge of the Multiverses’ existence, the people of SLN peered into other worlds and saw how passive the other gods tended to be. Working in mysterious ways like Ashes sure, but it wasn't like you could just up and text the dude and get a response in any of these other lands. And thereby the Book of Ashes was started. An unfinished book for Ashes’ work is never done. Which brings us to this verse, which is a personal favorite of Ballz. He touts on how the people have finally noticed simmyG actively creating every draft file for each SLN draft year. The Notes, the profiles, the file. They are all his. Off his making, for us to enjoy and probably fumble. It also touts the duality of SLN. the giveth and the taketh. The light and the dark. Time fucks us all and our championship windows are short and full of terrors.
"Lo, in the heart of Ashes was a fondness for the Rockets; so shall his followers hold them dear, for this favoritism doth flow from the mind of the SimGod Himself."
Javars absolute favorite verse. And a direct expanse upon the Chapter of Rocket Reverence. Not only is this a clear reference to Ashes multiversal presence, for he watches another world to scout for talent, but it also is a metaphor. One detailing that some rockets are yet to be seen. Some diamonds are in the rough.
"In the days of Lavar, there rose a trio of great repute, a clan both blessed and cursed. To rise above the height of all their fathers since the days of Lavar, or to fall into darkness with all that is left of their kin. Their names were known and oft-spoken, for they held the eyes of the faithful Ballz upon them."
In keeping trend with sticking to verses from the great Chapters of Ashes that have so far been written and ratified into the Book of Ashes, Lisan Al Boucher the giver of Ballz picked this verse. For in this wake of flu games, the Ball family has already been stoned into legend. Much is unknown about the future of this family, and this is why this mysterious prophet is now so important. In times like this, a speaker of truth, with basketball shoes with what looks like 333 on it is who we must turn to. His explosive speech and catchy words have gripped the world's attention. He’s Neva Lost.
"From the hands of Ashes, Dirk was lifted unto greatness, a testament to all creations. Let his journey be an eternal symbol to those who serve faithfully."
In what has already become one of the most popularized Chapters and verses, the ascension of Dirk is now spoken over weddings, funerals, births, prayer, and on the most sacred of days. He shows us what is possible. Take this brat as a remembrance of Ashes. Lift it into your mouth and let it fill you with temptation. Do this, in remembrance of Dirk. The First Lisan Al BroSure
Sacred Days and Lore
Draft Day - Known as SLN Draft Day, this day is sacred. Followers often fast or don their league merch, as they prepare to draft Ashes' blessings in the form of players. Weeks are spent rosterbating over the draft profiles, notes, and the ultimate draft file that Ashes bestows upon the league every season.
The Pandemic Era - A divine trial sent by Ashes, the pandemic tests faith and fortitude. To honor this, players may create COVID-related rituals (like “sanctifying” their rosters with an inspiring speech about dresswear and a bunch of other swampy shit). The leaguers had never faced such difficult times. Many quelled and panicked, crying “why me god, why me. Why is the hammer of Kharma so unjust to me” Fear not, yee of little faith. For SimGod points the way. Do not quest his knowledge of the path, or its destination, for Ashes was the one who built it.
The Ball Festival - A day to celebrate the Ball family’s dominance, where followers imitate Lavar’s grandiose proclamations and perhaps even stream videos pretending to be the next breakout star of the league.
The Sign of the Sim Delay - If Ashes delays a sim, it’s seen as a divine signal to recalibrate strategies or practice humility. This delay might prompt league members to reflect, meditate, or consult the Book of Ashes. Do not lament the days not simmed, for this is a gift to you, from Ashes. A gift in the opportunity of community and outreach. Reach out to your fellow GMs on these days. Create content, discuss the cabal over a nice Pinot Noir and a 90minute podcast. Feel yourself, and babble an article of heart or statistics. Of knowledge and Big Faith. For the days off are not a day of rest, but a day of opportunity to strengthen the bonds of this league. Reach out to the force, drink the whale seal green titty milk, Praise be to Ashes.
The Commandments of Ashes
Honor the Ascended
"Thou shalt respect those few raised from obscurity, for Ashes hath chosen them. For thy is the Boban, the Bonga, and the Klick Clack. We rise from the fires of potential, and lift ourselves to the heavens as Ashes, both himself and his children.”
Observe the Miracles
"Remember thy history for thyself to be true, found in the Ascension of Dirk, the purest form of Ashes’ blessing. His potential is in all of us, for we are all Ashes’ children."
Seek Divine Counsel:
"When lost, consult the Word of SimGod in His holy podcasts; the wisdom of Ashes shall guide thee. For few his words are, but big are their meanings. Listen up yee peasants, or the wrath of the fefe shall descend upon you.”
Revere the Rockets:
"For Ashes doth hold the Rockets dear; mock them not, lest ye incur his subtle wrath."
Celebrate the Ball Family:
"Honor the presence of the Balls, for Lavar and his sons are the chosen Disruptors, given prominence to bewilder and entertain."
Embrace the Chaos of Kyrie:
"Let no man judge Kyrie, for his ways are wild yet sacred, adding both madness and mystique to your lives. I Have Spoken."
Accept the Divine Plague:
"Bear the pandemic as a test of faith; endure it with reverence, for through you can be reborn from the embers of chaos, a child of Ashes is born."
Continue and Create in Ashes’ Name:
“Without him, there is no us. I am he who is in his circle. There is no balance without the dark. There can be no light without Ashes. For the Fires of SLN need fuel and his fuel is content and discourse. And unto us he said, ‘Let My followers create content, for i wish to digest. Let my followers create community, for I wish to find growth and shit talk. Let my followers continue the Book of Ashes, for as my job is never done, so too shall my book remain unfinished. Do this in remembrance of Dirk’ I Have Spoken”
The Book of Ashes has flourished among the fundamentalists of the southern SLN existence. This new age religion has gained popularity at a historical pace in the midst of global tension and panic. Disease is on the rise, and many feel they are not worshiping the right gods. A prophet has descended onto the land from the sands of our tears, to spread fires to the lands of SLN. The Lisan Al Boucher, the Ball’Adib. The prophet once named Javar Lamar Lavarious Ballz has for some reason been universally accepted as the grand overlord prophet for this entire religion. He has selected some verses for the League to pray over; from the Book of Ashes
"And Ashes did speak unto them, saying, 'Choose ye your players wisely, for I shall bless and curse as I see fit. From obscurity, I raise champions; and from champions, I may turn to dust.'”
Many fans of the SLN have begun to notice the active nature of their god's life in their lives. SLNs Marvel timeline has finally got to the sketchy Multiverse plotline. Its pretty shitty but the people are reasonably invested in it. Using the knowledge of the Multiverses’ existence, the people of SLN peered into other worlds and saw how passive the other gods tended to be. Working in mysterious ways like Ashes sure, but it wasn't like you could just up and text the dude and get a response in any of these other lands. And thereby the Book of Ashes was started. An unfinished book for Ashes’ work is never done. Which brings us to this verse, which is a personal favorite of Ballz. He touts on how the people have finally noticed simmyG actively creating every draft file for each SLN draft year. The Notes, the profiles, the file. They are all his. Off his making, for us to enjoy and probably fumble. It also touts the duality of SLN. the giveth and the taketh. The light and the dark. Time fucks us all and our championship windows are short and full of terrors.
"Lo, in the heart of Ashes was a fondness for the Rockets; so shall his followers hold them dear, for this favoritism doth flow from the mind of the SimGod Himself."
Javars absolute favorite verse. And a direct expanse upon the Chapter of Rocket Reverence. Not only is this a clear reference to Ashes multiversal presence, for he watches another world to scout for talent, but it also is a metaphor. One detailing that some rockets are yet to be seen. Some diamonds are in the rough.
"In the days of Lavar, there rose a trio of great repute, a clan both blessed and cursed. To rise above the height of all their fathers since the days of Lavar, or to fall into darkness with all that is left of their kin. Their names were known and oft-spoken, for they held the eyes of the faithful Ballz upon them."
In keeping trend with sticking to verses from the great Chapters of Ashes that have so far been written and ratified into the Book of Ashes, Lisan Al Boucher the giver of Ballz picked this verse. For in this wake of flu games, the Ball family has already been stoned into legend. Much is unknown about the future of this family, and this is why this mysterious prophet is now so important. In times like this, a speaker of truth, with basketball shoes with what looks like 333 on it is who we must turn to. His explosive speech and catchy words have gripped the world's attention. He’s Neva Lost.
"From the hands of Ashes, Dirk was lifted unto greatness, a testament to all creations. Let his journey be an eternal symbol to those who serve faithfully."
In what has already become one of the most popularized Chapters and verses, the ascension of Dirk is now spoken over weddings, funerals, births, prayer, and on the most sacred of days. He shows us what is possible. Take this brat as a remembrance of Ashes. Lift it into your mouth and let it fill you with temptation. Do this, in remembrance of Dirk. The First Lisan Al BroSure
Sacred Days and Lore
Draft Day - Known as SLN Draft Day, this day is sacred. Followers often fast or don their league merch, as they prepare to draft Ashes' blessings in the form of players. Weeks are spent rosterbating over the draft profiles, notes, and the ultimate draft file that Ashes bestows upon the league every season.
The Pandemic Era - A divine trial sent by Ashes, the pandemic tests faith and fortitude. To honor this, players may create COVID-related rituals (like “sanctifying” their rosters with an inspiring speech about dresswear and a bunch of other swampy shit). The leaguers had never faced such difficult times. Many quelled and panicked, crying “why me god, why me. Why is the hammer of Kharma so unjust to me” Fear not, yee of little faith. For SimGod points the way. Do not quest his knowledge of the path, or its destination, for Ashes was the one who built it.
The Ball Festival - A day to celebrate the Ball family’s dominance, where followers imitate Lavar’s grandiose proclamations and perhaps even stream videos pretending to be the next breakout star of the league.
The Sign of the Sim Delay - If Ashes delays a sim, it’s seen as a divine signal to recalibrate strategies or practice humility. This delay might prompt league members to reflect, meditate, or consult the Book of Ashes. Do not lament the days not simmed, for this is a gift to you, from Ashes. A gift in the opportunity of community and outreach. Reach out to your fellow GMs on these days. Create content, discuss the cabal over a nice Pinot Noir and a 90minute podcast. Feel yourself, and babble an article of heart or statistics. Of knowledge and Big Faith. For the days off are not a day of rest, but a day of opportunity to strengthen the bonds of this league. Reach out to the force, drink the whale seal green titty milk, Praise be to Ashes.