Veal (and Friends): The 2001 Big Board
Veal (and Friends): The 2001 Big Board
Veal (and Friends): The 2001 Big Board
Oh, how delectable this draft file is after the decidedly…fragrant meal that was last year’s shit sandwich. Ashes did what he could with the 2000 class, but he went doubly hard on this one to get that taste out of our mouths – what an embarrassment of riches throughout the lotto, the mid-first, and even the 20s! I’ve had this draft on my radar since we got things started back in August, and I’m thrilled that I ended up having a pick this year (for now). So, naturally, I’ll use this Big Board to try to make sure the right guy falls to me. Let’s begin.
1. Pau Gasol PF 7'0'' 250 21 B- C C B B- A
Dame mas GASOLina! Yeah, so the guy that literally makes the players put “likely #1 pick” in big Pau’s draft profile, so I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that he should be the number 1 pick. We have not seen a true two-way big man at the top of the lotto since Duncan in ’98, and Pau looks ready to follow in his footsteps as an immediate impact player as a rookie, completely destroying whatever tanker he goes to’s chances of tanking two years in a row. Be prepared for some Gaudi stat lines for the man from Barcelona! (The puns only get worse from here, deal with it.)
2. Gilbert Arenas PG 6'4'' 191 20 C+ B- C+ C+ C A
At number 2, I’ve got Tampa native and notorious Second Amendment Rights activist Agent Zero. The way I feel about this one is, if it looks like an Iverson, smells like an Iverson, and sounds like an Iverson, it’s probably Allen Iverson. Arenas might not have the defensive prowess to be THE Answer, but his offensive repertoire makes him…I dunno, a Reasonably Good Response? AI never got his TOs under control at PG but is having perhaps his best season as a pro since the switch to SG – worst case scenario Gilbert ends up looking something like that, and best case he has one of those incredible PG TC sequences and learns how to score AND handle the ball at the 1. Make sure to turn off the player entrance metal detectors at your home stadium if you draft him!
3. Tony Parker PG 6'2'' 185 19 B C C+ C D+ A
This stinky Frenchman is a different BRIE’d offensively. PG seems to be a position of relative scarcity, and Parker appears to be the best true PG in the draft – and he’s only 19! He reads as a score-first style of 1 (hopefully low passing) and handles are listed among his strengths, so I’m a big fan of that combination. Quickness is also paramount for PGs, and Le Toni has that in spades. His draft day ratings are nothing special, to be sure, but there’s no way this guy doesn’t have some horsepower under the hood of his Peugeot. Parker and Manu will of course be forever inextricably linked, as Parker perfected the floater and Manu reminds me of the floater I left in my toilet after a weekend in Mexico.
4. Tyson Chandler C 7'0'' 235 19 C C- C- B- B A
The functional half of the Twin Towers experiment in Chicago, Chandler looks to be the owner of a BUTT the size of 1 World Trade Center. Shot blocking, rebounding, taking care of the ball, and NEVER shooting it, even if there’s a FIRE. Unlike some of the other talented defensive bigs in this draft, Chandler’s high quickness should mean that he can thrive in speedy offenses and have no problem logging lots of minutes. An ex-DPOY and multi-time All-Defensive selection, he’s a safe bet to be a stud. My favorite fun fact about this guy – if you’ve ever seen Coach Carter, the big baddie from St. Francis was based on him. The next Lebron James?? I’m the only Ty Crane.
5. Joe Johnson SG 6'7'' 240 20 C+ B- C+ C C A
I don’t know whose dog Joe Johnson kicked to warrant his relegation to the “other guys” page despite being a borderline HOFer (per Basketball Reference metrics), but nonetheless here is where we find him. I always thought of him as Lebron from Wish – a huge, position-less point-forward who was basically unstoppable 1 on 1. And the dumbass Celtics traded him away for peanuts as a rookie. But my emotions aside, he’s without a doubt the highest upside guy without a draft profile – good strength AND quickness is a deadly combination, although his obvious high passing and poor handle give me a little pause. This is a great part of the draft to take a high-variance swing – and I think even the worst case scenario for this guy is a valuable rotation player.
6. Jason Richardson SG 6'6'' 220 21 B C+ C C+ C A
In the words of our wise Hawks GM, this tier of the draft includes a trio of wings: Jeffrey Richardson, John Josephson, and Richard Jasonson. This is…uh…the former? Not the middle one at least. Like Johnson, strength + quickness raises the floor for Richardson, and a good scoring pedigree and high steals give me confidence that he will be an above-average starter even if his defensive rating never gets that high. He gets the nod at #6 due to his awesome stip: +5 potential for every dunk contest win. We’ve definitely seen transcendent real-life dunkers exhibit perennial dominance in the dunk contest (Kemp has won the last 3 in a row in our other league, Ricky Davis has already won twice in SLN during his rookie contract), so the chance of Richardson getting +10 or even +15 Potential in his first handful of seasons is very tasty.
7. Richard Jefferson SF 6'7'' 233 21 B- B- C C+ C A
The third “son” starter Pokemon, I should probably have put this guy down at around 10 or 11 but I liked having all three next to eachother for the lulz. So think of him as lower than 7, but I was too lazy to figure out how much lower. With respect to Charlie Villanueva’s alopecia, R-Jeff was the baldest man to ever live, just an absolute cueball of a human being. Crazy he never secured a Gillette sponsorship. A-potential and a super balanced set of ratings across the board (including a very high B- inside) suggest that he should safely secure a starting role after a couple of a camps – not going to blow anyone away unless he gets a couple of really good dice rolls, but should be playable no matter what.
8. Desagana Diop C 7'0'' 300 20 D+ D D+ B+ B B
Based on both of their draft notes, Diop sounds like a souped-up version of Olumide Oyedeji over in Sacramento, with some better positional defense. “Incredibly slow” doesn’t exactly instill confidence, but I can understand it can be tough work lugging that ridiculous RUMP up and down the court for 30 minutes. Diop will be really good, but don’t expect him to log more than like 25 mpg in a Fast or Very Fast offense, so keep that in mind. Additional PSA: Please don’t let the Nuggets somehow get their hands on this guy! They’ve boarded every draft and pillaged all of the Butts in sight, and as much as it’s a fitting nickname, I don’t particularly like the leverage Kipke has over the league as Chief Butt Pirate.
9. Eddie Griffin PF 6'10'' 220 19 C+ C C+ B- C+ A
An extremely intriguing player that I wouldn’t been surprised to see ROCKET up draft boards after the lotto happens. Hell, the facts that he played for Houston and exhibited monstrous potential before his untimely and tragic death is enough to make an argument that this guy should go in the top 6. On top of that, we’ve got this mysterious hidden stip; given his personal struggles, my inkling is that this may be a negative one, but who knows! Upside galore! I really like that he’ll have high blocks and low turnovers, so no matter what he’ll have some value, even if he doesn’t end up a fantastic positional defender.
10. Samuel Dalembert C 6'11'' 255 20 C C- D B+ C+ B
The Haitian Sensation sports the highest defensive rating of any big in the draft, ahead of Diop, Haywood, Gasol and Chandler. “Average rebounder” in his notes suggests to me that he’ll end up around a B uncamped, but could likely get up a bit higher with some RC dedicated to his boards. If he can get to a B+ or even an A-, he could definitely be on track for BUTT stardom. I love that his FT shooting is solid, as his true shooting won’t hurt your team quite as much as most bumbling bigs.
11. Gerald Wallace SF 6'7'' 215 19 B- C D+ B+ C+ A
Might be putting my foot in my mouth here, but I think there’s a good chance that Wallace ends up looking a lot like a Chinese knockoff of AK47. He had at least one season in the NBA when he led the league in steals, and he even had a season where he averaged more than 2 blocks at game at the 3! His notes certainly point to a lack of polish on the offensive end, but being 19 with A potential definitely means he’s got some runway to improve (as Kirilenko has!). I’m not as worried about his status as a tweener, he should be fine at the 3 – my inclination is that with some strength camps, he’ll be an efficient enough offensively to generate some points at that position, and his stocks will make up for his other deficiencies. Maybe don’t make him an option, though!
12. Shane Battier SF 6'8'' 220 23 C B C B+ C A
A second Rocket finds himself at the back end of the lotto, ready to EXPLODE with Houston-oriented potential. All-around great guy and the owner of one of the wrinkliest heads of all time, Shane Battier is the definition of raisin paste – he was probably the only non-walk-on at Duke that actually raised the team’s average GPA. The SLN version has the highest defensive rating of any player in the draft, and the 3rd highest Outside among wings – he’ll get you 3s, and he’ll get you D, probably won’t turn it over, and he’ll be really nice to everyone on both teams the whole time. I’d guess that his volume is going to be lacking based on his low-C Inside, so he’ll take some serious camping to become more than a reliable role player.
13. Zach Randolph C 6'9'' 250 20 B C D+ C B+ A
Z-Bo was another one of my all-time favorite players to watch, the beating heart of the extremely scary (and randomly violent) Jail Blazers. When he wasn’t spending time smoking weed or shooting his gun outside of strip clubs, he could always be found punching people in the face really early in on-court brawls. He was basically always the first guy to clock somebody before the refs could even blow the whistle. As an SLN talent, Z-Bo seems like a perfect compliment to a team with big butts to spare who needs some efficient scoring. We have yet to see a true 22 and 12 guy who doesn’t play D, so I’m very curious to see how he ends up being used. Based on his notes and ratings, I’d wager that he has high jumpshot and low 3PT, so he’ll be able to draw a ton of fouls and hit his free throws, fouling out opposing bigs in the process.
14. Korleone Young PF 6'7'' 240 21 B C+ D+ B B B
With all of the mystery and speculation around this guy, I had a really hard time leaving him off this list. The reality is, he appears to have sucked ass in real life, so there ain’t much pedigree to go on. And as much as Tyler hopes he’s the second coming of Jesus Christ, I think it’s more likely that he’s the second coming of Shawn Kemp, with his many shots on likely less than ideal percentages and high TOs. That said, I love a big with good quickness and stocks, even if his handles aren’t what they need to be. And, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking there’s no way Ashes would create this kind of hype around a player if he wasn’t interesting in one way or another.
15. Brendan Haywood C 7'0'' 268 22 C+ D+ D B C+ B
The Butts in this draft just do not stop coming! It’s an all-you-can-ASS buffet out here, and ultimately when all of these guys not named Chandler go will probably depend on team need. I was deciding between Haywood and Jason Collins here, but gave the nod to Haywood based on his consistent defensive output in real life and the lack of mention of blocks in Collins’ notes. He’s a slightly better defender and a slightly worse rebounder ratings-wise, and I expect that Haywoods worse inside will lead to fewer shots taken and more shots funneled to high efficiency wings. Should be able to bump his rebounding up through a couple of camps a la Dalembert, but he’s going to be pretty much exactly what you expect.
16. Brian Scalabrine PF 6'9'' 241 23 C B C- C+ C+ B
There is zero chance I was making a 2001 Big Board and not paying my respects to one of the greatest Celtics to even don the green, the White Mamba. This 6’9” inbounder out of USC brought the crowd to their feet in a way I have never seen – the Garden would absolutely erupt as he came onto the court in garbage time to go 2/4 with a layup and a 3. Veal is going to have a place in this league, just you watch. Are his ratings spectacular? No. But he’s going to rain threes and never turn it over, he’ll get rebounds and be playable on defense. He’s going to hype the crowd up and put butts in seats. He absolutely REEKS of a guy with 99 potential that Ashes hid under a B rating.
This board was challenging - I left off a couple of guys with A potential, and some role players with excellent NBA careers under their belt, and I may end up completely embarrassed with this list. Could also make some update in the days leading up to the draft, but I figure we get the conversation started. Let's hear what people think!
Oh, how delectable this draft file is after the decidedly…fragrant meal that was last year’s shit sandwich. Ashes did what he could with the 2000 class, but he went doubly hard on this one to get that taste out of our mouths – what an embarrassment of riches throughout the lotto, the mid-first, and even the 20s! I’ve had this draft on my radar since we got things started back in August, and I’m thrilled that I ended up having a pick this year (for now). So, naturally, I’ll use this Big Board to try to make sure the right guy falls to me. Let’s begin.
1. Pau Gasol PF 7'0'' 250 21 B- C C B B- A
Dame mas GASOLina! Yeah, so the guy that literally makes the players put “likely #1 pick” in big Pau’s draft profile, so I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that he should be the number 1 pick. We have not seen a true two-way big man at the top of the lotto since Duncan in ’98, and Pau looks ready to follow in his footsteps as an immediate impact player as a rookie, completely destroying whatever tanker he goes to’s chances of tanking two years in a row. Be prepared for some Gaudi stat lines for the man from Barcelona! (The puns only get worse from here, deal with it.)
2. Gilbert Arenas PG 6'4'' 191 20 C+ B- C+ C+ C A
At number 2, I’ve got Tampa native and notorious Second Amendment Rights activist Agent Zero. The way I feel about this one is, if it looks like an Iverson, smells like an Iverson, and sounds like an Iverson, it’s probably Allen Iverson. Arenas might not have the defensive prowess to be THE Answer, but his offensive repertoire makes him…I dunno, a Reasonably Good Response? AI never got his TOs under control at PG but is having perhaps his best season as a pro since the switch to SG – worst case scenario Gilbert ends up looking something like that, and best case he has one of those incredible PG TC sequences and learns how to score AND handle the ball at the 1. Make sure to turn off the player entrance metal detectors at your home stadium if you draft him!
3. Tony Parker PG 6'2'' 185 19 B C C+ C D+ A
This stinky Frenchman is a different BRIE’d offensively. PG seems to be a position of relative scarcity, and Parker appears to be the best true PG in the draft – and he’s only 19! He reads as a score-first style of 1 (hopefully low passing) and handles are listed among his strengths, so I’m a big fan of that combination. Quickness is also paramount for PGs, and Le Toni has that in spades. His draft day ratings are nothing special, to be sure, but there’s no way this guy doesn’t have some horsepower under the hood of his Peugeot. Parker and Manu will of course be forever inextricably linked, as Parker perfected the floater and Manu reminds me of the floater I left in my toilet after a weekend in Mexico.
4. Tyson Chandler C 7'0'' 235 19 C C- C- B- B A
The functional half of the Twin Towers experiment in Chicago, Chandler looks to be the owner of a BUTT the size of 1 World Trade Center. Shot blocking, rebounding, taking care of the ball, and NEVER shooting it, even if there’s a FIRE. Unlike some of the other talented defensive bigs in this draft, Chandler’s high quickness should mean that he can thrive in speedy offenses and have no problem logging lots of minutes. An ex-DPOY and multi-time All-Defensive selection, he’s a safe bet to be a stud. My favorite fun fact about this guy – if you’ve ever seen Coach Carter, the big baddie from St. Francis was based on him. The next Lebron James?? I’m the only Ty Crane.
5. Joe Johnson SG 6'7'' 240 20 C+ B- C+ C C A
I don’t know whose dog Joe Johnson kicked to warrant his relegation to the “other guys” page despite being a borderline HOFer (per Basketball Reference metrics), but nonetheless here is where we find him. I always thought of him as Lebron from Wish – a huge, position-less point-forward who was basically unstoppable 1 on 1. And the dumbass Celtics traded him away for peanuts as a rookie. But my emotions aside, he’s without a doubt the highest upside guy without a draft profile – good strength AND quickness is a deadly combination, although his obvious high passing and poor handle give me a little pause. This is a great part of the draft to take a high-variance swing – and I think even the worst case scenario for this guy is a valuable rotation player.
6. Jason Richardson SG 6'6'' 220 21 B C+ C C+ C A
In the words of our wise Hawks GM, this tier of the draft includes a trio of wings: Jeffrey Richardson, John Josephson, and Richard Jasonson. This is…uh…the former? Not the middle one at least. Like Johnson, strength + quickness raises the floor for Richardson, and a good scoring pedigree and high steals give me confidence that he will be an above-average starter even if his defensive rating never gets that high. He gets the nod at #6 due to his awesome stip: +5 potential for every dunk contest win. We’ve definitely seen transcendent real-life dunkers exhibit perennial dominance in the dunk contest (Kemp has won the last 3 in a row in our other league, Ricky Davis has already won twice in SLN during his rookie contract), so the chance of Richardson getting +10 or even +15 Potential in his first handful of seasons is very tasty.
7. Richard Jefferson SF 6'7'' 233 21 B- B- C C+ C A
The third “son” starter Pokemon, I should probably have put this guy down at around 10 or 11 but I liked having all three next to eachother for the lulz. So think of him as lower than 7, but I was too lazy to figure out how much lower. With respect to Charlie Villanueva’s alopecia, R-Jeff was the baldest man to ever live, just an absolute cueball of a human being. Crazy he never secured a Gillette sponsorship. A-potential and a super balanced set of ratings across the board (including a very high B- inside) suggest that he should safely secure a starting role after a couple of a camps – not going to blow anyone away unless he gets a couple of really good dice rolls, but should be playable no matter what.
8. Desagana Diop C 7'0'' 300 20 D+ D D+ B+ B B
Based on both of their draft notes, Diop sounds like a souped-up version of Olumide Oyedeji over in Sacramento, with some better positional defense. “Incredibly slow” doesn’t exactly instill confidence, but I can understand it can be tough work lugging that ridiculous RUMP up and down the court for 30 minutes. Diop will be really good, but don’t expect him to log more than like 25 mpg in a Fast or Very Fast offense, so keep that in mind. Additional PSA: Please don’t let the Nuggets somehow get their hands on this guy! They’ve boarded every draft and pillaged all of the Butts in sight, and as much as it’s a fitting nickname, I don’t particularly like the leverage Kipke has over the league as Chief Butt Pirate.
9. Eddie Griffin PF 6'10'' 220 19 C+ C C+ B- C+ A
An extremely intriguing player that I wouldn’t been surprised to see ROCKET up draft boards after the lotto happens. Hell, the facts that he played for Houston and exhibited monstrous potential before his untimely and tragic death is enough to make an argument that this guy should go in the top 6. On top of that, we’ve got this mysterious hidden stip; given his personal struggles, my inkling is that this may be a negative one, but who knows! Upside galore! I really like that he’ll have high blocks and low turnovers, so no matter what he’ll have some value, even if he doesn’t end up a fantastic positional defender.
10. Samuel Dalembert C 6'11'' 255 20 C C- D B+ C+ B
The Haitian Sensation sports the highest defensive rating of any big in the draft, ahead of Diop, Haywood, Gasol and Chandler. “Average rebounder” in his notes suggests to me that he’ll end up around a B uncamped, but could likely get up a bit higher with some RC dedicated to his boards. If he can get to a B+ or even an A-, he could definitely be on track for BUTT stardom. I love that his FT shooting is solid, as his true shooting won’t hurt your team quite as much as most bumbling bigs.
11. Gerald Wallace SF 6'7'' 215 19 B- C D+ B+ C+ A
Might be putting my foot in my mouth here, but I think there’s a good chance that Wallace ends up looking a lot like a Chinese knockoff of AK47. He had at least one season in the NBA when he led the league in steals, and he even had a season where he averaged more than 2 blocks at game at the 3! His notes certainly point to a lack of polish on the offensive end, but being 19 with A potential definitely means he’s got some runway to improve (as Kirilenko has!). I’m not as worried about his status as a tweener, he should be fine at the 3 – my inclination is that with some strength camps, he’ll be an efficient enough offensively to generate some points at that position, and his stocks will make up for his other deficiencies. Maybe don’t make him an option, though!
12. Shane Battier SF 6'8'' 220 23 C B C B+ C A
A second Rocket finds himself at the back end of the lotto, ready to EXPLODE with Houston-oriented potential. All-around great guy and the owner of one of the wrinkliest heads of all time, Shane Battier is the definition of raisin paste – he was probably the only non-walk-on at Duke that actually raised the team’s average GPA. The SLN version has the highest defensive rating of any player in the draft, and the 3rd highest Outside among wings – he’ll get you 3s, and he’ll get you D, probably won’t turn it over, and he’ll be really nice to everyone on both teams the whole time. I’d guess that his volume is going to be lacking based on his low-C Inside, so he’ll take some serious camping to become more than a reliable role player.
13. Zach Randolph C 6'9'' 250 20 B C D+ C B+ A
Z-Bo was another one of my all-time favorite players to watch, the beating heart of the extremely scary (and randomly violent) Jail Blazers. When he wasn’t spending time smoking weed or shooting his gun outside of strip clubs, he could always be found punching people in the face really early in on-court brawls. He was basically always the first guy to clock somebody before the refs could even blow the whistle. As an SLN talent, Z-Bo seems like a perfect compliment to a team with big butts to spare who needs some efficient scoring. We have yet to see a true 22 and 12 guy who doesn’t play D, so I’m very curious to see how he ends up being used. Based on his notes and ratings, I’d wager that he has high jumpshot and low 3PT, so he’ll be able to draw a ton of fouls and hit his free throws, fouling out opposing bigs in the process.
14. Korleone Young PF 6'7'' 240 21 B C+ D+ B B B
With all of the mystery and speculation around this guy, I had a really hard time leaving him off this list. The reality is, he appears to have sucked ass in real life, so there ain’t much pedigree to go on. And as much as Tyler hopes he’s the second coming of Jesus Christ, I think it’s more likely that he’s the second coming of Shawn Kemp, with his many shots on likely less than ideal percentages and high TOs. That said, I love a big with good quickness and stocks, even if his handles aren’t what they need to be. And, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking there’s no way Ashes would create this kind of hype around a player if he wasn’t interesting in one way or another.
15. Brendan Haywood C 7'0'' 268 22 C+ D+ D B C+ B
The Butts in this draft just do not stop coming! It’s an all-you-can-ASS buffet out here, and ultimately when all of these guys not named Chandler go will probably depend on team need. I was deciding between Haywood and Jason Collins here, but gave the nod to Haywood based on his consistent defensive output in real life and the lack of mention of blocks in Collins’ notes. He’s a slightly better defender and a slightly worse rebounder ratings-wise, and I expect that Haywoods worse inside will lead to fewer shots taken and more shots funneled to high efficiency wings. Should be able to bump his rebounding up through a couple of camps a la Dalembert, but he’s going to be pretty much exactly what you expect.
16. Brian Scalabrine PF 6'9'' 241 23 C B C- C+ C+ B
There is zero chance I was making a 2001 Big Board and not paying my respects to one of the greatest Celtics to even don the green, the White Mamba. This 6’9” inbounder out of USC brought the crowd to their feet in a way I have never seen – the Garden would absolutely erupt as he came onto the court in garbage time to go 2/4 with a layup and a 3. Veal is going to have a place in this league, just you watch. Are his ratings spectacular? No. But he’s going to rain threes and never turn it over, he’ll get rebounds and be playable on defense. He’s going to hype the crowd up and put butts in seats. He absolutely REEKS of a guy with 99 potential that Ashes hid under a B rating.
This board was challenging - I left off a couple of guys with A potential, and some role players with excellent NBA careers under their belt, and I may end up completely embarrassed with this list. Could also make some update in the days leading up to the draft, but I figure we get the conversation started. Let's hear what people think!
Celtics ah the balls
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