Greg Oden’s Raven: The 2007 Big Board
Greg Oden’s Raven: The 2007 Big Board
Greg Oden’s Raven: The 2007 Big Board
Sorry boys, got super busy and dropped the ball a little bit on the Big Board this year…kinda like how Greg Oden’s balls dropped onto the front page of Deadspin 2010, but that’s neither here nor there. This will be a bit of a quicker Big Board with the draft approaching imminently (read: I didn't edit it and probably just completely missed some guys). Fortunately for you, time’s a-wasting, so I’ll spare you (some of) the stupid jokes. Let’s get started.
1. Kevin Durant SF 6'10'' 220 19 B B C B- C+ A
People are ready to see Dirk 2.0 (me personally, I could live without two of those guys being in the league, smh), but I have an inkling the Durantula is going to be shaped just a bit differently. I think part of what made guys like Dirk and Mash so incredible was really high strength relative to position, whereas Durant’s stick-figure skillset with some TOs will look a little more like TMac with A+ outside. Call him The Real Slim McGrady. Bonus is the team that drafts him gets a free unlimited RP machine in the form of “press releases from KD’s burner twitter.”
2. Greg Oden C 7'0'' 250 20 B- D+ D- B B A
Scouts not being the most accurate be damned, Greg with the Third Leg should be as dominant as they come. Think Eddy Curry with better positional defense…and Eddy Curry is just Shaq with worse positional defense...so I guess Greg Oden is Shaq? I quit math after freshman year of college but that seems like the transitive property of something. Will you need to run Inside with Curry?? Will his peak last? Will he need to duct tape that thing to his leg to keep it from falling out of his shorts?? These are the questions we need to ask.
3. Mike Conley PG 6'1'' 175 20 C B- B B- C- A
Seems like a PG with the third highest scouted potential (for what that’s worth) has to slot in right after the two generational talents. Conley’s already got four of the PG Infinity Stones with great handling, quickness, jumpshot and steals, but that low C Inside means he may be locked in to third banana type role. Still, we are very much in a point guard shortage as the old guys are quickly retiring and the new crop of CP3/Nelson/Williams/Harris are still slowcookin’ in the crockpot.
4. Al Horford C 6'9'' 240 21 B- C- C B- C+ A
The 3 pointer stip makes what would otherwise be a relatively safe but mundane draft profile a highly enticing one, and I couldn't be happier about it. If he keeps eating his mofongo, he’s basically going to evolve from Brad Miller into Mehmet Okur (with better rebounding??) over the course of the next decade. I do wonder if his athleticism still be good enough 9 seasons down the road to take advantage of his shooting ability.
5. Wilson Chandler SF 6'8'' 235 20 B- C C B- C+ A
Don’t let his country-club-sounding name fool ya, this guy will be a DAWG. For me, the comp that comes to mind is Ruben Patterson with scoring. Think of him as the Sandwich, but with a moist-maker (Tiny Gallon ). He’ll likely need a juice to his handles at some point, but the high upside could move Chandler up draft boards in a HURRY. I don’t hate reaching for him!
6. Jeff Green SF 6'8'' 235 21 B- B- C- B C B
Just a regular old plumbus small forward. Built in a mold everyone is familiar with and that can be slotted effectively into basically any DC but probably can never be a top option. Given his athletic tools and starting with flat C rebounding, I tend to like him a bit better as a strong 3 rather than a weak 4, but I am a little concerned about the amount of jumping in that B- Inside.
7. Joakim Noah C 6'11'' 230 22 C C- C B+ B- A
All of the “bigs with high positional defense” masturbators (looks across the border at Toronto) have their next pin-up girl. At the end of the day, Noah will be a solid starter who somebody overpays because he has flat A defense. “A WAYY uglier Lorenzen Wright” doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of opponents, but hey, one man’s trash is another man’s max contract target, Jwoo. There are very few big butts in this draft, so you gotta take what Butt you can get.
8. Spencer Hawes C 7'1'' 245 19 C B C+ B- B- B
He might not be the next Mehmet Okur-type big man, because he’ll be Mehmet Okur with blocks. I just want to see him play the 3 at some point. LET. HIM. COOK.
9. Yi Jianlian PF 7'0'' 240 20 B- C+ C C+ C+ B
Pretty beautiful notes for a guy that cracked double digit PPG exactly once in his 5 years in the NBA. Good notes against a pretty shitty career and an unknown stip referencing a Blink-182 song have me intrigued. What if his real age is revealed on draft day and Yi realizes that nobody likes you when you’re 23 and he immediately gets Severe Depression? That’s probably what Mark Hoppus was talking about.
10. Rodney Stuckey SG 6'5'' 210 21 C+ B- C+ B C- B
Pretty much all of the ratings porn you could ask for in a guy that doesn’t have a draft profile. C+/B- scoring, Flat B defense and high B scouted potential. Only concern is his high passing, so maybe that ability to play the 1 is a red herring, but he should flourish at the 2.
11. Brandan Wright PF 6'10'' 210 20 C+ C- D+ B- C+ B
As I mentioned, this draft has conspicuously less ass than Taylor Swift, but the closest thing to a Big Butt in the draft is Brandan Wright. I love his good handles and stock potential, and above average rebounding for a PF is a nice bonus. Low strength and positional defense make me think he might end up fouling a lot, but his big-buttedness should more than make up for it.
12. Arron Afflalo SG 6'5'' 210 22 C+ B- C C+ C- B
He was the one to follow. He was the only leader foreseeing brighter tomorrows. He would live in the gym, we was living in sorrow. He might need to get back in the gym and work on that low C+ defense, but otherwise he should have all the tools you could want.
13. Ramon Sessions PG 6'3'' 190 21 C+ B- B- C C- B
The best pure PG option among the “other guys,” you take him and just hope that he has the Troy Hudson gene. Not being able to go to the NDL bodes quite well, as does his relatively high B- Outside. If he gets some positive bounces in camps, Everybody will Love Ramon.
14. Rudy Fernandez SG 6'6'' 185 23 C+ B C C C- B
If we assume we can apply Belinelli’s notes here, Fernandez could be the steal of the mid-first. “Very good handles” is not a phrase that’s tossed around lightly, definitely not for backcourt players, and NEVER for guys with greasy fingers from eating patatas bravas every day. Some solid Outside and Strength to go with it, on top of high C+ inside and you’ve got yourself a multi-position offensive spark plug off the bench or a suitable starter at the 2.
15. Nick Young SG 6'7'' 210 22 B- B D+ C D+ B
The third most talented basketball player of all time after Jamal Crawford and Monta Ellis. B Potential is just a ruse. You guys are dumb and probably will wait until the mid-first to pick him. There is no shot he cannot hit, there is nobody in the world that can guard him one-on-one. Pass on him at your own risk, but be prepared for when he walks into your building later that season and gives your Tony-Allen/Battier-type guy 55 on the day of his daughter's wedding.
Sorry boys, got super busy and dropped the ball a little bit on the Big Board this year…kinda like how Greg Oden’s balls dropped onto the front page of Deadspin 2010, but that’s neither here nor there. This will be a bit of a quicker Big Board with the draft approaching imminently (read: I didn't edit it and probably just completely missed some guys). Fortunately for you, time’s a-wasting, so I’ll spare you (some of) the stupid jokes. Let’s get started.
1. Kevin Durant SF 6'10'' 220 19 B B C B- C+ A
People are ready to see Dirk 2.0 (me personally, I could live without two of those guys being in the league, smh), but I have an inkling the Durantula is going to be shaped just a bit differently. I think part of what made guys like Dirk and Mash so incredible was really high strength relative to position, whereas Durant’s stick-figure skillset with some TOs will look a little more like TMac with A+ outside. Call him The Real Slim McGrady. Bonus is the team that drafts him gets a free unlimited RP machine in the form of “press releases from KD’s burner twitter.”
2. Greg Oden C 7'0'' 250 20 B- D+ D- B B A
Scouts not being the most accurate be damned, Greg with the Third Leg should be as dominant as they come. Think Eddy Curry with better positional defense…and Eddy Curry is just Shaq with worse positional defense...so I guess Greg Oden is Shaq? I quit math after freshman year of college but that seems like the transitive property of something. Will you need to run Inside with Curry?? Will his peak last? Will he need to duct tape that thing to his leg to keep it from falling out of his shorts?? These are the questions we need to ask.
3. Mike Conley PG 6'1'' 175 20 C B- B B- C- A
Seems like a PG with the third highest scouted potential (for what that’s worth) has to slot in right after the two generational talents. Conley’s already got four of the PG Infinity Stones with great handling, quickness, jumpshot and steals, but that low C Inside means he may be locked in to third banana type role. Still, we are very much in a point guard shortage as the old guys are quickly retiring and the new crop of CP3/Nelson/Williams/Harris are still slowcookin’ in the crockpot.
4. Al Horford C 6'9'' 240 21 B- C- C B- C+ A
The 3 pointer stip makes what would otherwise be a relatively safe but mundane draft profile a highly enticing one, and I couldn't be happier about it. If he keeps eating his mofongo, he’s basically going to evolve from Brad Miller into Mehmet Okur (with better rebounding??) over the course of the next decade. I do wonder if his athleticism still be good enough 9 seasons down the road to take advantage of his shooting ability.
5. Wilson Chandler SF 6'8'' 235 20 B- C C B- C+ A
Don’t let his country-club-sounding name fool ya, this guy will be a DAWG. For me, the comp that comes to mind is Ruben Patterson with scoring. Think of him as the Sandwich, but with a moist-maker (Tiny Gallon ). He’ll likely need a juice to his handles at some point, but the high upside could move Chandler up draft boards in a HURRY. I don’t hate reaching for him!
6. Jeff Green SF 6'8'' 235 21 B- B- C- B C B
Just a regular old plumbus small forward. Built in a mold everyone is familiar with and that can be slotted effectively into basically any DC but probably can never be a top option. Given his athletic tools and starting with flat C rebounding, I tend to like him a bit better as a strong 3 rather than a weak 4, but I am a little concerned about the amount of jumping in that B- Inside.
7. Joakim Noah C 6'11'' 230 22 C C- C B+ B- A
All of the “bigs with high positional defense” masturbators (looks across the border at Toronto) have their next pin-up girl. At the end of the day, Noah will be a solid starter who somebody overpays because he has flat A defense. “A WAYY uglier Lorenzen Wright” doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of opponents, but hey, one man’s trash is another man’s max contract target, Jwoo. There are very few big butts in this draft, so you gotta take what Butt you can get.
8. Spencer Hawes C 7'1'' 245 19 C B C+ B- B- B
He might not be the next Mehmet Okur-type big man, because he’ll be Mehmet Okur with blocks. I just want to see him play the 3 at some point. LET. HIM. COOK.
9. Yi Jianlian PF 7'0'' 240 20 B- C+ C C+ C+ B
Pretty beautiful notes for a guy that cracked double digit PPG exactly once in his 5 years in the NBA. Good notes against a pretty shitty career and an unknown stip referencing a Blink-182 song have me intrigued. What if his real age is revealed on draft day and Yi realizes that nobody likes you when you’re 23 and he immediately gets Severe Depression? That’s probably what Mark Hoppus was talking about.
10. Rodney Stuckey SG 6'5'' 210 21 C+ B- C+ B C- B
Pretty much all of the ratings porn you could ask for in a guy that doesn’t have a draft profile. C+/B- scoring, Flat B defense and high B scouted potential. Only concern is his high passing, so maybe that ability to play the 1 is a red herring, but he should flourish at the 2.
11. Brandan Wright PF 6'10'' 210 20 C+ C- D+ B- C+ B
As I mentioned, this draft has conspicuously less ass than Taylor Swift, but the closest thing to a Big Butt in the draft is Brandan Wright. I love his good handles and stock potential, and above average rebounding for a PF is a nice bonus. Low strength and positional defense make me think he might end up fouling a lot, but his big-buttedness should more than make up for it.
12. Arron Afflalo SG 6'5'' 210 22 C+ B- C C+ C- B
He was the one to follow. He was the only leader foreseeing brighter tomorrows. He would live in the gym, we was living in sorrow. He might need to get back in the gym and work on that low C+ defense, but otherwise he should have all the tools you could want.
13. Ramon Sessions PG 6'3'' 190 21 C+ B- B- C C- B
The best pure PG option among the “other guys,” you take him and just hope that he has the Troy Hudson gene. Not being able to go to the NDL bodes quite well, as does his relatively high B- Outside. If he gets some positive bounces in camps, Everybody will Love Ramon.
14. Rudy Fernandez SG 6'6'' 185 23 C+ B C C C- B
If we assume we can apply Belinelli’s notes here, Fernandez could be the steal of the mid-first. “Very good handles” is not a phrase that’s tossed around lightly, definitely not for backcourt players, and NEVER for guys with greasy fingers from eating patatas bravas every day. Some solid Outside and Strength to go with it, on top of high C+ inside and you’ve got yourself a multi-position offensive spark plug off the bench or a suitable starter at the 2.
15. Nick Young SG 6'7'' 210 22 B- B D+ C D+ B
The third most talented basketball player of all time after Jamal Crawford and Monta Ellis. B Potential is just a ruse. You guys are dumb and probably will wait until the mid-first to pick him. There is no shot he cannot hit, there is nobody in the world that can guard him one-on-one. Pass on him at your own risk, but be prepared for when he walks into your building later that season and gives your Tony-Allen/Battier-type guy 55 on the day of his daughter's wedding.
Celtics ah the balls
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