Sim League Nirvana

The Order of the Phoenix




Strengths: Gifted defender, excellent athleticism, some would argue he's a massive jock. Good steals, will block a shot.

Weaknesses: Saviors complex, volume is not there yet. Handles need work.

Scout’s Take: Dubbed "The Chosen One," aka the Wizarding World's Mamba Mentality equivalent. Potter is a gifted defender with a developing yet predictable offensive game.

Ratings: PG: C- C B A C A

Stipulation: None




Strengths: Unrivaled basketball IQ, excellent all-around game. Good defender, will get a block and a steal.

Weaknesses: Guys named Potter

Scout’s Take: Snape is the kind of player who thrives on meticulous planning and execution. His ability to read the game and manipulate opponents makes him an invaluable floor general, but his lack of athleticism and tendency to isolate can slow down faster-paced offenses. While his leadership style can be seen as cold and detached, his teammates respect his commitment to precision and discipline.

Ratings: SG: B+ A- B- A- C B

Stipulation: Always




Strengths: Some would say the undisputed greatest player of all time and the only player ‘he who must not be named’ ever feared. Basketball IQ is off the charts, sees plays develop before they happen, crafty finisher at the rim and excellent outside game.

Weaknesses: Struggles at time with sharing game plans with his teammates.

Scout’s Take: Albus Dumbledore is the ultimate floor general—a wise, strategic player who always makes the right decision when it matters most. His court vision, leadership, and ability to inspire his teammates set him apart from the average guard. While his age might be a factor in fast-paced systems, his basketball IQ compensates, allowing him to control the game’s tempo effectively.

Ratings: SF: A- A A- A- C D

Stipulation: Unavailable for Game (book) 7s




Strengths: Half-Giant with a massive butt. Solid rebounder

Weaknesses: Keeping a secret. Mythical creatures. Extremely slow, struggles to block shots.

Scout’s Take: Hagrid is a colossal presence on the court, providing unmatched size and strength in the paint. He’s an old-school big man who thrives on physicality and rebounding, but his limited mobility and shooting touch can make him a liability in fast and very fast offenses.
Ratings: C: B D+ F+ C+ A C

Stipulation: None




Strengths: Good athlete with solid quickness, light on his padfoot. Decent all around offensive game when he gets minutes.

Weaknesses: Handles and decision making needs work but not unsalvageable.

Scout’s Take: Black’s done his waiting, 12 years of it to be precise and now he’s ready for a bigger role for team Order.

Ratings: SG: B B+ C+ B+ C+ C

Stipulation: None

Rest of the Roster:
Kingsley Shacklebolt: PF - B+ B- C A B- C
Alastor Moody: PF - B- B C A A- C
Hermione Granger: PG – B- A- A- B- D
Remus Lupin: PF – C+B-B- A C+ D
Ron Weasley: SG - B- B- C C C B
***Ooops I forgot McGonagall


Death Eaters




Strengths: Has gone further than anybody on the path that leads to immortality. Lethal offensive game with big stock potential. Merciful lord.

Weaknesses: Tunnel vision, handles need a bit of work. Doesn’t understand wand lore. Hubris.

Scout’s Take: While his immense talent is undeniable, coaches must be prepared to manage his ego and find ways to keep teammates engaged. Voldemort thrives on being the focal point and might struggle when asked to share the spotlight. Despite his faults, his clutch gene and relentless mentality make him an asset to any team looking for a ruthless competitor.

Ratings: SF: A A B+ A B+ C

Stipulation: Must retire after 7th broken skull injury





Strengths: Relentless motor. Will get shots in volume. Good perimeter defense. Husband is a cuck (not cannon?).

Weaknesses: Ginger MILFs.

Scout’s Take: Bella is a volatile but electric guard who can swing momentum with her fearless attitude and high-octane playstyle. While her defense and aggressive scoring can ignite her team, her lack of discipline often leads to costly mistakes and foul trouble.

Ratings: PG: B- A- B A C

Stipulation: None




Strengths: Smooth and skillful offensive game.

Weaknesses: Lacks strength and physicality.

Scout’s Take: Lucius Malfoy is a refined, skilled wing player whose game exudes confidence and class. He is best utilized as a secondary scorer or spot-up shooter rather than a primary option, as his lack of grit and toughness can be a liability against physical teams

Ratings: SG: B- A- C C+ C

Stipulation: None




Strengths: Big fundamental, almost textbook.

Weaknesses: Team chemistry questions.

Scout’s Take: While not a true Death Eater, Umbridge is a fundamentally sound but uninspiring player whose rigid, rule-focused approach limits her versatility on the court. While her disciplined style can fit well in structured systems, her inability to adapt and lack of physical talent make her a liability in fast-paced, dynamic environments.

Ratings: SG: B- B- C C+ C

Stipulation: Can play PG

Rest of the Roster:
Fenrir Greyback: C - B+ C- D- B+ A- C
Antonin Dolohov: PF - B- B C A A- C
Draco Malfoy: PG – B- B+ B- C- C B
Barty Crouch Junior: SG – C+B-B- C C+ B
Walden McNair: C - B- B- C A- B+ C
Corban Yaxley: PF - B- B+ C A A- C
Peter Pettigrew: SG - C- B+ C- C- C F


The Games






Final Stats

For the 2030 draft classes, Ashes could populate the top-5 of each class with Jordo's LOTR and HP players. Wouldn't that be sick!? READY MADE

Snape is overrated. Take off the rose colored glasses boredo

Snape is goat, knew merv had bad taste

Bellatrix gives me all offense and nothing else kinda vibes

So much Ben Wallace in Hagrid

Dumbledore will play til he's 115

Harry Potter, the boy who couldnt score

remember that one scene where Harry asked Cho Chang to go ball with him?

I know that I'm not the only one that read the "junior" after barty crouch that way