Schmagel Steinbagel's 2030-2031 SLN Preview

[Schmagel Steinbagel]

Schmagel’s SLN Season Preview

Competition forces innovation and when you get comfortable – when you stop looking over your shoulder, stop pushing yourself to be better is when someone hungrier comes along and takes what’s yours. I’ve seen it in life, I’ve seen it in business, and I’ve seen it in basketball.

When I was young, early in my high school days, I got a job clerking the counter at my grandfather's deli Steinbagel's. The deli had been coasting for years with little change. The ole “if it isn’t broke, it don’t need fixin” motto was the way back then. We had the same menu, same ingredients, same suppliers and our business was solid. Then the neighborhood started changing. Three new spots opened within a year, they all undercut our prices, and still managed quality bagels. How could we compete?

My grandfather – Moishe – pulled my father aside one day and says, "I wish we could do something with these bagels. Something more. We can't keep selling cream cheese and lox bagels and survive in this economy. Our premier schmear just isn't cutting it anymore. This is serious."

I overheard and said, "Well, what if we put the onion in the bagel, like in the bread, and the lox in the cream cheese and called it the Signature Steinbagel?"

My Zayde nearly had an aneurism. He couldn’t process what I meant. He kept repeating, “The onion IN the bagel? But it goes ON the bagel!”

It’s a good thing for my father. He was immediately sold.

They sold like rugelach at a shiva – gone before you could blink, and everyone asking if there was more in the back. “No Sheila, fresh out.”

Then my father takes it a step further. He says, “We need a slogan, we need folks to feel like they are a part of something when they walk in, because this isn’t just a bagel, it’s a Steinbagel.”

*pulls out a chunk of eyebrow hair*

*goes for the other eyebrow*

“I got it.” One bite and you're a Steinbagel” – that's what we started saying, and so did everyone else – it stuck. A few years later more than half of those new spots were gone. The ones that survived were the ones who understood fundamentals and weren't afraid to innovate when there was friction.

And a similar event is shaking out in the SLN. More good teams than we've seen in years. Real parity amongst the middle, but not everyone can win games - someone's got to lose. Just like those new delis forced us to innovate or die, this league is forcing teams to get creative or drop 7 spots in the draft. You can't just keep serving plain bagels with plain schmear and expect customers to line up. The top teams have gotten comfortable, and they've been coasting on house specials for years, but the times are changing and they're going to feel the pressure now. New blood is coming in hungry, offering fresh combinations. GMs are making bold moves, mixing ingredients that the old guard rarely considered.

Speaking of, at Steinbagel’s we aren’t just a bagel company, we are a deli with the best loaves of bread out there. And it has everything to do with my Zayde. You see, he’s hyperaware of each stage of baking and that is the difference – awareness. He has superior feel for mixing ingredients and knows the exact moment to take the bread out of the oven.

And this year’s SLN teams are at every stage of the bread baking process. SLN GMs need to find the right ingredients and perfect the baking process to bake a championship winning loaf. Some are perfectly toasted – ready to serve and, thus, considered championship-caliber. Some are almost ready, who either just need a few more minutes in the oven or one final ingredient slapped on to create the perfect loaf. Some are rising, building toward something special. And some are burnt to a crisp.

THE PERFECTLY TOASTED

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

The defending champions show little sign of a slowdown and are still the team everyone's hunting. But championship reality could set in hard with less depth than during their title run, tighter cap restrictions will limit flexibility, and the weight of a target that never comes off your back. They beat Vancouver 4-2 in the Final. Championship hangovers can be about complacency, but not this Cavs team and the preseason numbers back it up. They allowed the second-fewest points, served up a +12.3 point differential, led the SLN preseason-1 in steals with 12.1, with a respectable 8.2 blocks, and tied for 3rd best in rebounds with 58.1. Their defense is still elite, their rebounding is in the top crop, and everything seems to be clicking. While GM Mantypas is eager to stay at the summit, the air might be thinner up there than he remembers.

SACRAMENTO KINGS

Jesse doesn't fuck around. Sacramento is a legitimate threat to win it all this year.
The offseason addition of Rui and Cam Boozer – both elite post scorers who get buckets with ease when the halfcourt game becomes paramount – as it tends to in the SLN playoffs.

Sacramento resurrected the Twin Towers the league hasn’t seen since the old school western conference teams built their masterpieces. Remember those good old days? In the first year of the league Tyler Sun sent Patrick Ewing to Sacramento and GM Jesse King proved the Twin Tower team build to be a force when done properly, and he’s at it again. Rui can get you 30 on any given night with his versatility and skill with his back to the basket. Boozer is a walking bucket with good range for a big man so when defenses collapse on one, the other will feast.

This isn't a team hoping to compete. This is a team constructed to win a championship. The KANG way has always been about calculated aggression – seeing their window and jumping through it without hesitation. Don't be surprised when Sacramento's cutting down nets come June.

TORONTO RAPTORS

Jeremy Raptor made a calculated decision this offseason, with Amen Thompson's extension looming, to clean up their cap sheet rather than mortgage future flexibility. They traded Nique Clifford to San Antonio – who was their fifth starter and a good player but ultimately deemed replaceable in their system. Post trade Toronto is still elite. They're still one of the best-constructed rosters in the league and will likely still win 60 games. But will playing the long game cost them future championships? Time will tell.

PHOENIX SUNS

Tyler Sun pulled off what might be the most underrated offseason in the league, quietly reshaping their entire roster like a doctor with surgical precision.

The Suns moved old man expiring Otto Porter Jr. for Mitchell Robinson – adding a legitimate rim protector and rebounder to bolster their frontcourt. As well, Tyler Sun flipped Kristaps Porzingis and a near worthless first round pick for Dom Sabonis and Scottie Pippen Jr. Sabonis gives them elite playmaking from the post, and suddenly this roster fits together like a lox and cream cheese bagel – each piece complementing the next.

With Robinson protecting the rim, DJJ shutting down the perimeter, Sabonis doing the dirty work, and Harper orchestrating the symphony – this looks not only like a championship-caliber defense but team.

VANCOUVER GRIZZLIES

They came within two wins of a championship and spent the entire offseason thinking about why they fell short. Star point guard Dyson Daniels and star shooting guard Kon Knueppel led the team in scoring last year, two players armed with perimeter excellence. Their scoring depth was rare. I mean Josh Grizzly traded Desmond Bane to the Cavs and still made the title series... and just to lose to Desmond Bane and the Cavs. Jabari Parker, who'd be a primary scorer on more than half the teams in this league, operated as their third or fourth offensive option last year.

Anchored by Goga Bitadze and Kel'el Ware, the Grizz frontcourt is formidable and both players truly live up to their nicknames – Goga Gadget and Black Superman. They form one of the few frontcourts that can legitimately match up with Toronto or Sacramento’s superior post-scoring tandem. This year is a new season, and time will tell if it’s the same story. Pre-1 shows cracks in their rebounding performance with the Grizz managing under 50 rebounds per game, but I imagine it’s classic pre-1 baloney and mostly DC related. Schmagel sees another quality season ahead for Vancouver.

THE ALMOST READY

BOSTON CELTICS

GM Joe Celtic has assembled a ghost contender. Basically, a contender that's had bad luck over multiple seasons – seasons filled with incredibly bad dice rolls, worse injury luck. You don't even need to ask Joe Celtic, I mean he will tell you, just go check any sim post and you'll find their lengthy injury report. But I'm Aligned - they've just experienced an unlucky couple seasons of piss-poor variance that's made them look inconsistent when the underlying fundamentals are as solid as my schmear technique. It's left them in a place where most GMs are overlooking this team, but not Schmagel.

While other teams might benefit marginally from the league-wide trend of contenders pulling back, I think the Celtics stand to be the single biggest beneficiary. That’s Steinbagel endorsed. When everyone else is exhausted from fighting, Boston's going to be sitting there healthy, rested, and ready to ball-out. With a clean bill of health and an added pickle on top, Boston will be fighting for a title in no time.

LOS ANGELES LAKERS

GM George Laker has built a western conference beast that will amaze in the stocks to turnovers department. George Laker put his sack on the table in the trade that started it all for me. You see, Heimer was involved in extra-marital affairs with SGA and when team owner Tony Hawk found out he demanded we trade everyone and start over.

Back to the Lakers, SGA(Y) is elite defensively, his 3 to 1 stock to turnover is among the best in the league at his position and he has scoring volume, efficiency, and versatility to go along with it. SGA isn’t all they have either, the supporting cast around SGA can wreak havoc. AG is another possession monster with scoring juice. The Lakers are surely going to force turnovers and create transition opportunities, which is a quality a lot of championship basketball teams possess.

But the reason I’ve left them in The Almost Ready category is because they need one great rebounder and then probably another rebounder. An elite glass-cleaner who can anchor defensive boards and create second-chance opportunities offensively would change the height of their trajectory. Sometimes we must remember, the possession battle can be won in many ways, not just stonks.

Most importantly, they can't afford to wait or develop their prospects. I think it's time to cash in on their chips because the Lakers are ready for a move now. SGA and AG are going to feed families for generations and if George Laker makes the right move, they're legitimate championship threats. Without it, they're very good but likely one piece short.

NEW JERSEY NETS

Former first overall picks Anthony Davis and Cooper Flagg along with former second overall pick Luka Doncic anchors a roster that is ready to win now. The star power is undeniable. The American Flagg is ascending. Doncic is in his prime and still dominant and Old Man Davis is still elite. But the ages of their star players are all over the place so like the Lakers the time is now. Make that final move, add the perfect slice of cheese and always a pickle because the meat is there to make a deep run this season.

SEATTLE SUPERSONICS

****

PHILADELPHIA 76ERS

Dmo made a headline grabbing trade this offseason picking up both Kum Bucket and Usman from the Hawks in a deal that Dmo in order to stay relative in a crowded east. Philly's been close for years. Dmo has a scrappy team that seems to be perpetually on the edge of a breakthrough. Kum Bucket is the type of player who makes everyone around him better without needing plays called for him. He doesn't need the ball to impact winning. He guards the best player and sets the tone defensively. And Usman Garuba is no slouch. He's constantly overlooked but results say he's one of the best per-minute rebounders in the game.

My Zayde used to say "defense is what separates the contenders from the pretenders" and Dmo’s not just hoping to make the playoffs, but to return to the promised land and prove the doubters wrong. The defense is elite, but the offense needs more firepower. Another move or two and they vault from solid middle tier team that's fighting for the playoffs to a threat.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS

They landed on the other end of that Raptors deal, acquiring Nique Clifford for Toumani Camara and a future first round pick. Clifford's an good scorer, above-average rebounder for his position, and stockier than most guards. He is exactly the type of player San Antonio needed. But will it be enough to overcome their struggles from last season as this team was one of the worst defensive units in the league according to opponent field goal percentage. Spurs D was a legitimate D-saster.

And while Clifford helps in every department, I'm not yet convinced they've addressed the structural issue. However, maybe they can outscore their problems. Jamal Murray does everything the right way and the kind of player that coaches and front offices dream about. He’s the glue guy who makes winning plays and scores a ton. He’s been the best per-turnover scorer not named Semi for the last decade.

Then there’s former MVP LaMelo Ball. This guy is a stud, but I worry these two don’t fit together without a dominant defense and quality rebounding small forward and frontcourt. But Heimer said the same thing with Anthony Black, Josh Okogie, and the Cavs. Boy was he wrong. Two years later those guys won a championship.

The Spurs have enough raw talent there’s a chance that I’m completely overlooking these guys as raw talent can overcome fit but most of the time it doesn't. However, If they can rejig their tandem and balance out the roster, I believe suddenly we’ll see another gunslinger out west. It's not far off. Can these Spurs be quick enough on the draw?


THE RISING IN THE OVEN

THE UNLEAVENED BREAD AKA THE MATZAH

THE BURNT TO A CRISP

[SoNicks]

Burnt to a crisp: Drake Nah
Up in Smoke: Drake Yah

[Schmagel Steinbagel]

more coming. accidentally posted early

[mantypas/CavsCzar]

mmmhhmmm now I'm hungry

[Merv]

Who the fook is Memphis

[jwoo]

more!

[Schmagel Steinbagel]

Who the fook is Memphis

mr baked. good catch

[Jordo]

If I aint the matzah im quitting the league