No Mas Cap-o-ransky: JWoo's 2012 mock draft
Posted: February 29th, 2024, 12:51 pm
Sup guys, I finally have a little time to produce some content and I need to make some RP to camp all these jamokes so I'm back with the official 2012 mock draft. You may notice that I currently own three of the top 14 selections, you may infer that some of this will be complete bullshit, but who's to say. It's an interesting draft and pretty hard to evaluate these guys after the top five, so I'm super curious to see how it goes. I know Clint just did a mock but I purposely didn't read it to avoid duplicating it, so apologies if that happens.
1. Nets: Anthony Davis
Steven told me he's going to get a unibrow tattooed onto his face if he wins the lottery. We gotta let him win.
2. Pacers: Damian Lillard
The heir to Troy Hudson? IRL Dame just talked about how lonely he is living in Milwaukee. Get ready to do absolutely nothing in Indianapolis, Fake Damian.
3. Spurs: Andre Drummond
Jordo needs a franchise big and I think Drummond is probably the safest of the next three consensus top five guys. I think Draymond would be fun here too, but Drummond could be the best rebounder in the league and feels super bankable and easy to develop.
4. Heat: Draymond Green
Klay and DayDay reunite in Miami. Can't figure out what Draymond is gonna look like, tweener bigs are weird, but feels like he'll be pretty fun and I am curious personally how he'll develop. If my pick jumps I will draft him.
5. Heat (via Timberwolves): Bradley Beal (TRADE W SPURS)
TRADE! If this actually happens I would guess Scoops trades back for value rather than duplicate Beal and Klay, but I guess Klay could play some SF. Let's say it's with Jordo to send Beal to the Spurs to form a young big three in exchange for some future first or something.
6. Celtics: Kent Bazemore
If there's one thing we know about Joe, he's gonna draft anyone ashes says might be good on a podcast. Not sure if Bazemore will get overdrafted or underdrafted but stocky wings are at least fun.
7. Spurs (from Clippers) (TRADE W HEAT): Harrison Barnes
Scoops trades back to 7 and gets a guy who seems to have nice upside in Hairy Barnes, reuniting 3/5ths of the Warriors' 2015 title team starting five. Curious if he can play any PF like he does IRL, maybe not considering his current rebounding ratings, but that could be a fun weird positional experiment.
8 Raptors: Khris Middleton
I don't really need a wing, I have a lot of them, but this would probably be the right pick here, and I would be fine with it.
9. Heat (from Lakers): Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
Scoops could also look to trade this pick but I'm too lazy to think of a deal for him. MKG seems like he has a chance to be Travis Outlaw, for better or worse, and this is a pick with seemingly decent upside on a team that can give him time.
10. Kings: John Henson
Henson is boring but he's one of the few bigs who would seem to come in the very bankable shot-blocking mold, and that feels like a safe option in this part of the draft. He can't go to the NDL so he is probably loaded with blocks.
11. Hawks: Dion Waiters
How many scoring guards can Weilheimer draft? Well, I really just want some Dion Waiters first-person high on the plane fanfic from Atlanta, so he can have one more of them. Waiters seems to have good upside.
12. Celtics (from Warriors): Festus Ezeli
A Festus for the rest of us; there weren't really any good point guards for me to give the Celtics so I gave them probably the highest-floor guy outside the top 10 with Ezeli, who has tasty B/B ratings.
13. Raptors (from Pistons): Royce White
Not sure what to make of Royce's stip. If he gets depression like Rasheed Wallace, will he just retire? I have no idea where he should be drafted, and we can't road trip anywhere from Toronto, so you better suck it up big fella.
14. Raptors (from Rockets): Meyers Leonard
I apologize to anyone I might offend with this pick, I need a big and I don't want to tell anyone who I'm actually taking.
15. Heat (from Cavs): Evan Fournier
How do the Heat have so many picks again!?! Nic Batum was a bust but that doesn't mean Mr. Don't Google can't succeed in Sioux Falls.
16. Pacers (from Bullets): Perry Jones
Jerry Pones looks like a decent NDL flier actually. He sucked IRL but maybe he can be fun with some good rolls. Hope someone stashes him and sees.
17. Pistons (from Magic): Jae Crowder
Not the most exciting guy ever but seems like a pretty high-floor prospect, and he can go to the NDL. Seems like good value in this range.
18. Kings (from Hornets): Kyle O'Quinn
I've never been more certain of anything than I am that Jesse is going to draft Kyle O'Quinn despite his C potential. He'll probably take him at 10, who are we kidding?
19. Hawks (from Mavericks): Tomas Satoransky
This is totally the guy who's getting overdrafted this year. No other PGs and he is weird and cool. No idea if he will be good though.
20. Mavs (from Jazz): Terrence Ross
Good scoring ratings. They are calling him the black Kuzminskas around these parts.
21. Nets (from Sonics): Tony Wroten
IT WAS WROTEN. I just think Steven will take this guy.
22. Nets (from Nuggets): Jeremy Lamb
More defense than Ross, maybe a higher floor but worse volume. Lot of decent wings like this lying around, one of the strengths of the class.
23. Wolves (from Knicks): Thomas Robinson
Pankin continues to collect weird tweener forwards from Kansas.
24. Mavs (from Suns): Terrence Jones
Who wants a pizza??? Terrence does.
25. Nets (from Sixers): Miles Plumlee
Steven loves Miles Plumlee, sorry Steven, I am giving away your secrets.
26. Clippers (from Bulls): Austin Rivers
Idk, just felt like Rivers should be a Clipper, didn't think too hard about it.
27. Nets (from Blazers): Mike Scott
28. Bucks: Quincy Acy
Quincy Acy absolutely fucked up the Northwestern Wildcats this season at Baylor, and that is enough for me to put him in the first round over very similar player JaMychal Green.
29. Pacers (from Grizzlies): Moe Harkless
HOW COULD YOU BE MO HARKLESS?
1. Nets: Anthony Davis
Steven told me he's going to get a unibrow tattooed onto his face if he wins the lottery. We gotta let him win.
2. Pacers: Damian Lillard
The heir to Troy Hudson? IRL Dame just talked about how lonely he is living in Milwaukee. Get ready to do absolutely nothing in Indianapolis, Fake Damian.
3. Spurs: Andre Drummond
Jordo needs a franchise big and I think Drummond is probably the safest of the next three consensus top five guys. I think Draymond would be fun here too, but Drummond could be the best rebounder in the league and feels super bankable and easy to develop.
4. Heat: Draymond Green
Klay and DayDay reunite in Miami. Can't figure out what Draymond is gonna look like, tweener bigs are weird, but feels like he'll be pretty fun and I am curious personally how he'll develop. If my pick jumps I will draft him.
5. Heat (via Timberwolves): Bradley Beal (TRADE W SPURS)
TRADE! If this actually happens I would guess Scoops trades back for value rather than duplicate Beal and Klay, but I guess Klay could play some SF. Let's say it's with Jordo to send Beal to the Spurs to form a young big three in exchange for some future first or something.
6. Celtics: Kent Bazemore
If there's one thing we know about Joe, he's gonna draft anyone ashes says might be good on a podcast. Not sure if Bazemore will get overdrafted or underdrafted but stocky wings are at least fun.
7. Spurs (from Clippers) (TRADE W HEAT): Harrison Barnes
Scoops trades back to 7 and gets a guy who seems to have nice upside in Hairy Barnes, reuniting 3/5ths of the Warriors' 2015 title team starting five. Curious if he can play any PF like he does IRL, maybe not considering his current rebounding ratings, but that could be a fun weird positional experiment.
8 Raptors: Khris Middleton
I don't really need a wing, I have a lot of them, but this would probably be the right pick here, and I would be fine with it.
9. Heat (from Lakers): Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
Scoops could also look to trade this pick but I'm too lazy to think of a deal for him. MKG seems like he has a chance to be Travis Outlaw, for better or worse, and this is a pick with seemingly decent upside on a team that can give him time.
10. Kings: John Henson
Henson is boring but he's one of the few bigs who would seem to come in the very bankable shot-blocking mold, and that feels like a safe option in this part of the draft. He can't go to the NDL so he is probably loaded with blocks.
11. Hawks: Dion Waiters
How many scoring guards can Weilheimer draft? Well, I really just want some Dion Waiters first-person high on the plane fanfic from Atlanta, so he can have one more of them. Waiters seems to have good upside.
12. Celtics (from Warriors): Festus Ezeli
A Festus for the rest of us; there weren't really any good point guards for me to give the Celtics so I gave them probably the highest-floor guy outside the top 10 with Ezeli, who has tasty B/B ratings.
13. Raptors (from Pistons): Royce White
Not sure what to make of Royce's stip. If he gets depression like Rasheed Wallace, will he just retire? I have no idea where he should be drafted, and we can't road trip anywhere from Toronto, so you better suck it up big fella.
14. Raptors (from Rockets): Meyers Leonard
I apologize to anyone I might offend with this pick, I need a big and I don't want to tell anyone who I'm actually taking.
15. Heat (from Cavs): Evan Fournier
How do the Heat have so many picks again!?! Nic Batum was a bust but that doesn't mean Mr. Don't Google can't succeed in Sioux Falls.
16. Pacers (from Bullets): Perry Jones
Jerry Pones looks like a decent NDL flier actually. He sucked IRL but maybe he can be fun with some good rolls. Hope someone stashes him and sees.
17. Pistons (from Magic): Jae Crowder
Not the most exciting guy ever but seems like a pretty high-floor prospect, and he can go to the NDL. Seems like good value in this range.
18. Kings (from Hornets): Kyle O'Quinn
I've never been more certain of anything than I am that Jesse is going to draft Kyle O'Quinn despite his C potential. He'll probably take him at 10, who are we kidding?
19. Hawks (from Mavericks): Tomas Satoransky
This is totally the guy who's getting overdrafted this year. No other PGs and he is weird and cool. No idea if he will be good though.
20. Mavs (from Jazz): Terrence Ross
Good scoring ratings. They are calling him the black Kuzminskas around these parts.
21. Nets (from Sonics): Tony Wroten
IT WAS WROTEN. I just think Steven will take this guy.
22. Nets (from Nuggets): Jeremy Lamb
More defense than Ross, maybe a higher floor but worse volume. Lot of decent wings like this lying around, one of the strengths of the class.
23. Wolves (from Knicks): Thomas Robinson
Pankin continues to collect weird tweener forwards from Kansas.
24. Mavs (from Suns): Terrence Jones
Who wants a pizza??? Terrence does.
25. Nets (from Sixers): Miles Plumlee
Steven loves Miles Plumlee, sorry Steven, I am giving away your secrets.
26. Clippers (from Bulls): Austin Rivers
Idk, just felt like Rivers should be a Clipper, didn't think too hard about it.
27. Nets (from Blazers): Mike Scott
28. Bucks: Quincy Acy
Quincy Acy absolutely fucked up the Northwestern Wildcats this season at Baylor, and that is enough for me to put him in the first round over very similar player JaMychal Green.
29. Pacers (from Grizzlies): Moe Harkless
HOW COULD YOU BE MO HARKLESS?