Magic Announce New Corporate Sponsor
Magic Announce New Corporate Sponsor
ORLANDO, FL - We are pleased to announce the official Depth Chart Assistance Program of the Orlando Magic, DC Jesus. After a season filled with peaks and valleys, Magic ownership and DC Jesus thought up a unique, first of its kind partnership in an effort to help Coach Steve Kerr pick the most optimal lineups every game. Now, a word from our sponsors:
*Plays Video*
Have you ever watched your team play and thought to yourself, this dude is a BUM! Why is he on the court? Do you think your coach is underwhelming and hurting your team's chances at success? Sometimes you just look at a lineup and can't help but think to yourself...
Well, then we're the product for you!
Here at DC Jesus, we use a proprietary algorithm to analyze and optimize your organization's depth charts, lineups, and substitution patterns. For example, as part of this partnership, we have been able to identify a series of quick fixes for Coach Kerr that would enable him to win more games. Gone are the days of starting Al Jefferson at center and Yi Jianlian at PF hoping for the best. With DC Jesus, we can tell you that you're a terrible coach and help you win more games! Anytime you spot a DC that needs Jesus or can't think of a lineup, call us at 1-800-DC-JESUS. That's 1-800-DC-JESUS. Or politely use our hashtags, #YOUNEEDJESUS and #DCJESUS, on yours or a friend's DC so we can help them optimize their lineups!
*Plays Video*
Have you ever watched your team play and thought to yourself, this dude is a BUM! Why is he on the court? Do you think your coach is underwhelming and hurting your team's chances at success? Sometimes you just look at a lineup and can't help but think to yourself...
Well, then we're the product for you!
Here at DC Jesus, we use a proprietary algorithm to analyze and optimize your organization's depth charts, lineups, and substitution patterns. For example, as part of this partnership, we have been able to identify a series of quick fixes for Coach Kerr that would enable him to win more games. Gone are the days of starting Al Jefferson at center and Yi Jianlian at PF hoping for the best. With DC Jesus, we can tell you that you're a terrible coach and help you win more games! Anytime you spot a DC that needs Jesus or can't think of a lineup, call us at 1-800-DC-JESUS. That's 1-800-DC-JESUS. Or politely use our hashtags, #YOUNEEDJESUS and #DCJESUS, on yours or a friend's DC so we can help them optimize their lineups!
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SWAMP STEVEN
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Magic Announce New Corporate Sponsor
#INEEDJESUS
*DJ DRAMA VOICE* OH YOU HEARD THE RUMORS [GANGSTA GRIZZILLZ] IT’S A MOTHERFUCKIN SWAMPSTORY!
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
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