Ranking Kyries Stips Thus Far

[GX.]

**ya im fancy i use thus**

After kyrie has tossed my world into the abyss i wanted to go through all his stips and rank how devastating/funny they were so here it is:


1. Kyrie Irving has decided to take up piano playing at an advanced age. He has requested some time off before the playoffs to work on his new passion.

This one is legendary. It’s not even surprising, Kyrie decides mid-playoff push that basketball isn’t enough, and now he’s trying to become a concert pianist. The guy probably thinks his team doesn’t deserve his best effort unless he can hit a perfect C-sharp first.

2. Sources close to the team have confirmed Kyrie Irving has promised Andrew Wiggins a bigger role in the offense. Does he have the authority to make those calls? Sources can't confirm that.

Kyrie, in full player-coach mode, decides to gas Wiggins up like he’s Michael Jordan. He has no authority to make these decisions, but somehow that didn’t stop him from convincing Wiggins to jack up contested 18-footers like his life depended on it. This gave Wiggins a short stint as the 2nd options before we shipped his bum ass off. Se ya later nerd!!!

3. It has come to the Board's attention that Kyrie Irving has refused the vaccine. We have no choice but to suspend him for the season, effective immediately. We reserve the right to review this decision should there be a change in Mr. Irving's situation. Thank you for your understanding. \

This one is still very fresh and painful so it had to be put up high. Kyrie pulls some galaxy-brain reasoning and decides he’s above basic league rules (should have seen that one coming), torpedoing my entire season. The fallout was chaos—teammates furious, fans rioting, Ralph and Bobby going at it, me sitting in a corner crying.

4. Kyrie Irving has decided to take some time off for personal reasons. \

This might be the most Kyrie thing ever. No elaborate statement, no context, just "personal reasons" and a complete disappearance. Classic move to leave everyone guessing—probably meditating on a mountain somewhere while the team fights for their playoff lives.

5. Reports out of the Mavericks locker room point to Kyrie Irving being "absolutely feral" about winning a title this season and telling the coaches and executives, 'This better be it.'

Looked for a Swamp Story diving into the feral antics of kyrie but came up with nothing, more to come out of the lake (swamp story 2.0?, jk i know i cant compete but we’re gonna have a little fun) in the coming days.

6. Kyrie Irving is extremely unhappy with the front office for not claiming JR Smith off waivers.

Kyrie losing his mind over JR Smith is pure comedy. He clearly has no idea how waivers work, but that didn’t stop him from yelling at management like they forgot to order fries with his meal. You can’t tell me he didn’t have a PowerPoint ready about why JR was the missing piece.

7. Kyrie hasn't been seen since the playoffs.

There’s something so perfectly Kyrie about this one. No explanation, no press release, just a complete ghosting. He probably thought vanishing was the best way to leave everyone wondering about his next move, like some NBA Batman.

8. Rookie Kyrie Irving is unhappy coming off the bench.

Kyrie started stirring the pot before he even warmed up to the league. The man barely had a few games under his belt before deciding he deserved starter minutes and making it everyone’s problem. You could almost hear Lou Williams rolling his eyes in every postgame interview.

9. Kyrie Irving traded to Dallas but misses his physical because 'he had things to do.'

This one is insane. Kyrie gets traded in a blockbuster move, but instead of reporting to his new team, he just… doesn’t. No big deal, he just had "things to do." What those things were, nobody knows, and honestly, it’s better that way.

10. After a rough start to the season, Kyrie Irving delivers an impassioned speech that seems to have rallied the team.

Leave it to Kyrie to turn a bad start into some kind of theatrical moment. You know that speech was full of metaphors, existential questions, and probably a few awkward silences. Whatever he said worked, but you can bet half the team left that locker room confused as hell.

[Merv]

GX giving Steven a run for his money

[bobby]

I look forward to the release of the kyrie stipulation master document once he’s retired

[Jesse]

good content!

[mantypas/CavsCzar]

, me sitting in a corner crying.

My average day in SLN thinking about my team lol, great article, forgot about a lot of these

[LaVar]

+.5

[Joe]

Grade: 575 RP (first article, original)