It's 2011, let's go to the movies and watch some SEQUELS
It's 2011, let's go to the movies and watch some SEQUELS
In 2024 movie sequels may not be as dominant as they once were, but in 2011 they absolutely owned the box office. I chose a character from the top 5 grossing movies worldwide in 2011 and created an SLN draft profile for them.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
$1.3bn Worldwide Box Office
Voldemort
Age/Height/Weight/Position: ~55? / No idea, anywhere between 5'8" and 6'2" and 120 and 200 pounds / PG
Inside: D+. Couldn't kill a baby in his bedroom. Guy is weak as hell indoors
Outside: B. Good jump shot, but excellent range from deep. In outdoor environments this guy reigns it in and likes to let it rip
Handles: C-. Below average vision, always felt like he had elevated sense of smell but he couldn't see that well. Never passes. Doesn't fumble his wand much, may not turn the ball over often.
Defense: C+. May get a steal or two with expelliarmus. Definitely an offense first kind of guy
Rebounding: C-. Weak for his position.
Potential: A
Scouting report: Scouts have been hearing about this guy for a while but are just starting to see his footage. Sky high potential but doesn't look useful right away.
Stipulation: Has to play off the bench for his first 5 seasons, then must start. In each season's playoffs, last season's champion will become his enemy, and against that team Voldemort's quickness and strength will get +20. Broken nose will be a season ending injury.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
$1.1bn Worldwide Box Office
Optimus Prime (Truck Form)
Age/Height/Weight/Position: Millions of years old / 20' / 10 tons / PF
Inside: A-. Guy will get in your face. Can do it all in the paint. Very strong.
Outside: Has never had a need to develop range. Don't expect him to shoot 3s. Abysmal from FT line.
Handles: B-. Can pass but doesn't need to. Can be very delicate to distressed young ladies
Defense: B+ Excellent positional defense. Unknown stock potential. Fights in the paint kinda go on and on and on, not that fun to watch
Rebounding: B. Very strong, great especially on defensive end
Potential: A
Scouting report: Lots of star potential as a two way big. League not sure he has the killer instinct, not sure he can carry the show on his own.
Stipulation: Can change form to be a plane and become unstoppable in the dunk contest
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
$1.0bn Worldwide Box Office
Note I have never seen this movie
Jack Sparrow
Age/Height/Weight/Position: 38 / 5'10" / 150 lbs / PG
Inside: B. Crafty scorer. Slippery. Very good ability to finish around the rim. Not very fast or strong for a PG.
Outside: B. Excellent mid-range game. Needs to develop from deep.
Handles: D. Double vision. Self-focused, doesn't like to pass.
Defense: C-. Does not view basketball as a team sport. No positional defense. May get a steal of two a game, setting up a strong transition game
Rebounding: D+. See above.
Potential: B
Scouting Report: Scouts unsure about his commitment to the sport. Rumors of alcoholism but appears to be functional.
Stipulation: Interest in rum makes playing back to back days very difficult.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
$710mm Worldwide Box Office
Note I have never seen a Twilight movie
Kristen Stewart's character (Bella?)
Age/Height/Weight/Position: 16 / 5'4" / 110 lbs / SF
Inside: F
Outside: F
Handles: F
Defense: F
Rebounding: F
Potential: D
Scouting Report: Scouts unsure why she's entering the draft. Not sure if she's played team sports before
Stipulation: 10% chance each season she turns into a vampire, which increases quickness and strength to 90 and potential to A
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
$700mm Worldwide Box Office
Benji (played by Simon Pegg)
Age/Height/Weight/Position: 40 / 5'10" / 165 lbs / SG
Inside: C+. Undersized. Will get his shots blocked around the rim. Currently uncomfortable with contact but there's potential there
Outside: B-. Able to create space, very good from super deep.
Handles: B+. Excellent vision. Eyes on the back of his head.
Defense: B. Hustler. May not be strong enough to guard inside oriented SGs, but expect steals and strong positional defense.
Rebounding: C. Good rebounding skills, but again, may not be strong enough
Potential: A
Scouting Report: Great team player. Has shown flashes of potential in limited exposure to field work.
Stipulation: If drafted by a winning team (in prior season), adds 10 potential to starting PG in upcoming season
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
$1.3bn Worldwide Box Office
Voldemort
Age/Height/Weight/Position: ~55? / No idea, anywhere between 5'8" and 6'2" and 120 and 200 pounds / PG
Inside: D+. Couldn't kill a baby in his bedroom. Guy is weak as hell indoors
Outside: B. Good jump shot, but excellent range from deep. In outdoor environments this guy reigns it in and likes to let it rip
Handles: C-. Below average vision, always felt like he had elevated sense of smell but he couldn't see that well. Never passes. Doesn't fumble his wand much, may not turn the ball over often.
Defense: C+. May get a steal or two with expelliarmus. Definitely an offense first kind of guy
Rebounding: C-. Weak for his position.
Potential: A
Scouting report: Scouts have been hearing about this guy for a while but are just starting to see his footage. Sky high potential but doesn't look useful right away.
Stipulation: Has to play off the bench for his first 5 seasons, then must start. In each season's playoffs, last season's champion will become his enemy, and against that team Voldemort's quickness and strength will get +20. Broken nose will be a season ending injury.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
$1.1bn Worldwide Box Office
Optimus Prime (Truck Form)
Age/Height/Weight/Position: Millions of years old / 20' / 10 tons / PF
Inside: A-. Guy will get in your face. Can do it all in the paint. Very strong.
Outside: Has never had a need to develop range. Don't expect him to shoot 3s. Abysmal from FT line.
Handles: B-. Can pass but doesn't need to. Can be very delicate to distressed young ladies
Defense: B+ Excellent positional defense. Unknown stock potential. Fights in the paint kinda go on and on and on, not that fun to watch
Rebounding: B. Very strong, great especially on defensive end
Potential: A
Scouting report: Lots of star potential as a two way big. League not sure he has the killer instinct, not sure he can carry the show on his own.
Stipulation: Can change form to be a plane and become unstoppable in the dunk contest
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
$1.0bn Worldwide Box Office
Note I have never seen this movie
Jack Sparrow
Age/Height/Weight/Position: 38 / 5'10" / 150 lbs / PG
Inside: B. Crafty scorer. Slippery. Very good ability to finish around the rim. Not very fast or strong for a PG.
Outside: B. Excellent mid-range game. Needs to develop from deep.
Handles: D. Double vision. Self-focused, doesn't like to pass.
Defense: C-. Does not view basketball as a team sport. No positional defense. May get a steal of two a game, setting up a strong transition game
Rebounding: D+. See above.
Potential: B
Scouting Report: Scouts unsure about his commitment to the sport. Rumors of alcoholism but appears to be functional.
Stipulation: Interest in rum makes playing back to back days very difficult.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
$710mm Worldwide Box Office
Note I have never seen a Twilight movie
Kristen Stewart's character (Bella?)
Age/Height/Weight/Position: 16 / 5'4" / 110 lbs / SF
Inside: F
Outside: F
Handles: F
Defense: F
Rebounding: F
Potential: D
Scouting Report: Scouts unsure why she's entering the draft. Not sure if she's played team sports before
Stipulation: 10% chance each season she turns into a vampire, which increases quickness and strength to 90 and potential to A
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
$700mm Worldwide Box Office
Benji (played by Simon Pegg)
Age/Height/Weight/Position: 40 / 5'10" / 165 lbs / SG
Inside: C+. Undersized. Will get his shots blocked around the rim. Currently uncomfortable with contact but there's potential there
Outside: B-. Able to create space, very good from super deep.
Handles: B+. Excellent vision. Eyes on the back of his head.
Defense: B. Hustler. May not be strong enough to guard inside oriented SGs, but expect steals and strong positional defense.
Rebounding: C. Good rebounding skills, but again, may not be strong enough
Potential: A
Scouting Report: Great team player. Has shown flashes of potential in limited exposure to field work.
Stipulation: If drafted by a winning team (in prior season), adds 10 potential to starting PG in upcoming season
BBL Enthusiast
It's 2011, let's go to the movies and watch some SEQUELS
Optimus Prime (Truck Form)
Age/Height/Weight/Position: Millions of years old / 20' / 10 tons / PF
Howling
Age/Height/Weight/Position: Millions of years old / 20' / 10 tons / PF
Howling
Promos:
Just the Tip-Off Opening Night- 10/31
Raw Dog with Gradey - Half Off Hot Dogs - 11/7
Go Balls Deep - Mini Basektball Giveaway- 12/24
No Pull Out Night - Gradey Plays 48 Minutes - 1/19
Wet Dick Night - Free Pepsi- 2/14
Load Management 3/4
Just the Tip-Off Opening Night- 10/31
Raw Dog with Gradey - Half Off Hot Dogs - 11/7
Go Balls Deep - Mini Basektball Giveaway- 12/24
No Pull Out Night - Gradey Plays 48 Minutes - 1/19
Wet Dick Night - Free Pepsi- 2/14
Load Management 3/4
It's 2011, let's go to the movies and watch some SEQUELS
Guy is weak as hell indoors for Voldemort had me actually laughing out loud. This is high quality content Josh!
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SWAMP STEVEN
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It's 2011, let's go to the movies and watch some SEQUELS
"Couldn't kill a baby in his bedroom. Guy is weak as hell indoors"
*DJ DRAMA VOICE* OH YOU HEARD THE RUMORS [GANGSTA GRIZZILLZ] IT’S A MOTHERFUCKIN SWAMPSTORY!
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
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