SLN GM's as Hated College Basketball Players
SLN GM's as Hated College Basketball Players
I need RP for this tank and there’s a frenzy going on. Why not make another entry in SLN GMs as (Insert Blank). Today’s entry, Hated College Basketball Players. Take nothing personal, this is all in good fun and everyone is the best!
Joe (Boston): JJ Redick
C’mon, this guy was basically always one of the best statistical guys in college from day 1. Joe, during my tenure, dominated with Chauncey, TMac, and Manu. He always had crazy seasons and put up numbers but couldn’t quite win the big one just like JJ. Unfortunately for JJ, he didn’t spend 10 years at Duke waiting for it to finally be JJ’s year. Joe got over the hump, blew it up, and landed PG, Michael Beasley, and co. So we can look forward to the return of prolific JJ Redick reborn as the Celtics. Fun times in the Atlantic.
Evan (Miami): Carmelo Anthony
Melo had that one year. And what a year it was. He basically transcended college basketball and took Syracuse all the way to the promised land for Boeheim’s one and only title. Sounds pretty similar to a guy named Shaquille O’Neal in Miami. It was unlikely. Inside hadn’t really worked before. Freshmen can’t get it done in March. Until Shaq and Melo finally did!
Steven (New Jersey): Jalen Rose
Cool, fresh, baggy shorts, swag. I mean, Steven HAD to be a member of the Fab 5 right? The Swamp is nothing but swag. The Swamp Chronicles are like an alternate dimension of absurdity. I want nothing more than to see this Jalen Rose finally get a title.
Nav (New York): Jimmer Fredette
The Knicks are clean cut. They’re always competitive. They love shooting at all costs. Nothing loved shooting in college more than Jimmer Fredette. He was hated because no one understood how this white Mormon boy was cooking them. Nav is the same. I feel like I look at his rosters and am like, psh they’re not that good. Then 24 3’s are hit in my face and I lose by 20.
Me (Orlando): Billy Donovan
I had no one fun to give myself because this is the weird part of any of these articles. So I went with my homie Billy D. He took a scrappy Providence team to the final four and out-performed expectations. Orlando has probably outperformed expectations over the last few years but never really had the juice to truly do some damage.
DMo (Philadelphia): Larry Bird
Tiny school. One guy basically doing everything. Takes them all the way to the title? This sounds super familiar. LeBron is DMo’s Larry Legend. The Hick from French Lick taking Indiana State all the way to the national title game. Maybe one day Larry can get some help for LeBron, and he finally gets over the hump like Boston Larry.
Wes (Washington): Zach Edey
Huge, consistent, and always a threat. The Bullets have always been some form of challenging since I joined the league. Slowly getting better just like Edey. Manu should’ve taken Wes to the promised land along with Chris Paul. They had some playoff runs but haven’t quite broken through yet. Edey lacked playmaking guards to finally win a title, and ironically, Wes might lack some beefy bigs. But they’re regular season behemoths that nobody wants to face.
Heimer (Atlanta): Bobby Hurley
Blue collar. Always trying to win. Scrappy. Gym rat. Heimer lives and breathes this league. Tony Scrony and Dick Hertz were legendary coaches and executives for the HawkleHeimers just as Coach K always guided Bobby. Pretty sure Bobby would cut his own arm off to win a game, and Heimer is on his way there. Dirk is coming to town and blood will be spilt in the East.
Jack (Charlotte): Steph Curry
I mean, it’s pretty perfect. Charlotte-based and a crazy two year run of dominance. Yao Ming’s back to back titles were essentially the Davidson runs that captivated America and introduced us to the precocious son of an NBA sharpshooter. We missed the 3rd year when Steph went to the NBA just as we missed the true end of Charlotte’s dominance when Gilbert Arenas was traded to Milwaukee.
Matt (Chicago): Christian Laettner
Blue blooded as it gets. Pure dominance. Scrappy, feisty, winner. Neither of these dudes would lose, and everyone hated them for it. There’s nothing like feeling like your team is pretty good, then playing the Bulls. It’s straight up demoralizing. Every time I felt like my team was okay, Matt would humble me back into insignificance. Will Matt ever tank? I doubt it, death, taxes, and Bulls 55 wins.
Mantypas (Cleveland): Eric Devendorf
Well-liked by those that know him. Generally speaking, a great dude. But man, when Eddie Griffin would come to town and get eleventy billion rebounds and pummel you, it was so frustrating. Devendorf drew a lot of scrutiny from his opponents, just as Manty would from maybe being good enough, maybe not. Then he’d just beat you and make it physical and challenging.
Rob (Detroit): JP Macura
Scrappy as hell. The kind of guy you love on your team and hate on others. Potentially a little crazy, although that might just be Kyrie in Detroit. A proper Midwest blue collar fighter. Rob isn’t content being bad and quickly flipped the switch in Detroit. He’s bold and not afraid to mix it up like JP.
Tonger (Indiana): Brad Davison
Tonger hasn’t really done a whole lot to really get a comp. I went with Brad Davison because the guy was just so fundamental and took charges. The building blocks for a good team. Tonger has been patient and slowly tried to make smart moves on the fringes adding players like Drummond, Oladipo, and Jimmy Butler.
Derek (Milwaukee): Emeka Okafor
This guy was so good at UConn. He anchored a defense that ran most of college basketball. Derek is similar. Just always good. The guy has multiple titles. He’s not exactly in your face, just cool and collected like Emeka was. It’s not personal, just business when he destroys your team.
JWoo (Toronto): Joakim Noah
JWoo swears he plays like Joakim Noah. We’ll file that under things I need to see in person. Brash, vocal, and demonstrative. Joakim Noah is really the perfect Raptor as he is basically JWoo. As a Florida fan, Joakim Noah personified love him if he’s your guy and hate him if he’s not. Felt like Joakim started a new problem every road game in the SEC, but damn, he was good.
Hoff (Dallas): Kemba Walker
Cardiac Kemba. Capable of making deep runs in the playoffs despite not quite having that true superstar look. Hoff has made two deep runs now, once to the finals, and once to the WCF after not being considered anywhere near the favorites. Sometimes, you just need to get hot like Kemba.
Kipke (Denver): Tyler Hansbrough
Blue collar with rebounds and stocks. That’s how Kipke’s built his teams. Well, until this iteration. Who is a better fit for Kipke than Psycho T out of Missouri. It felt like he was in college forever, and he was always so effective. A one man wrecking crew in the UNC frontcourt, Psycho T was on ESPN every night.
Nolan (Houston): Blake Griffin
The champ is here. It was only fitting for Nolan to be Blake Griffin after being led to a championship by him. Blake took college by storm and dunked on all of his opponents. One could say his offense was quite inside oriented.
Pankin (Minnesota): Greg Paulus
Good player, just didn’t have timing quite on his side. One of the few Duke PGs (maybe the only 1) to not take Coach K to the Final Four. Pankin’s timelines have unfortunately never quite lined up to this point. With Giannis and Harden, I think he’s going to have a chance to thread the needle here. Maybe he can upgrade from Paulus to Bobby Hurley or Wojo in a few seasons!
Jordo (San Antonio): Kyle Filipowski
Jordo loves court storming so I think Filipowski is the perfect Jordo comp. Was Flip a victim, was he a perpetrator? The world will never know. Highly effective as an individual but never able to turn it into tournament success. Maybe Jordo will be able to storm a few courts in the Western Conference Playoffs and lead Kawhi to a title.
Ralph (Utah): Josh Hart
A guy with multiple titles in a pre-Merv era. I know he loves Villanova so I threw him a bone here. He probably wants Brunson, but he’ll get Josh Hart and like it. The blue collar team of the west, the Jazz like to pummel their opponents into submission via physicality and two footed jump stops. Are they actually that talented? Can they quite get it done? We’ll see about the current iteration. But that’s what people said about Villanova until the Big Ragu and some undersized PG showed up.
Josh (Vancouver): Jay Williams
I mean, c’mon. Jay Williams with Jay Williams. Josh stays out of the spotlight but is just always good. Jay had a legendary career at Duke and Josh has put up some crazy numbers in Vancouver. Known for a spicy take or two, maybe Josh has a little broadcaster Jay Will in him too.
Clint (Golden State): Aaron Craft
Rosy cheeks. Charges. Toughness. Another guy who spent forever in college. Clint is a tough SOB like Aaron. He’s fought and clawed his way into the west playoffs a few times. Every time someone counts out his team, they make a late run. It was sad to see Monta go, but I’m sure the rebuild will be great.
Bobby (LA Clippers): Mo Wagner
Mo was a big goofy German that irked the hell out of the Big 10. Pretty sure JWoo still hates him. Bobby is tough and physical like his balanced offense through DeMar and DRose. I think Boogie will be a great addition to his core. Mo is a winner at the end of the day and had a few nice tournament runs. He knows how to push the envelope and get opponents flustered. I foresee some similar activity in the Pacific division.
GX (LA Lakers): Caleb Love
New on the block. Caleb Love is a relatively new guy and has been hated by his own fanbases more than by opponents. I had no real feel to comp GX to anyone as its way too early in his tenure. So like how Tyler disrespected me long ago, I’m sure this will age poorly as GX asserts himself.
Tyler (Phoenix): Grayson Allen
Janos Slynt sends his regards. A deep run with an elite team early on. After that, Grayson proceed to become the most hated man in America for his ability to trip and shove, er, be physical with his opponents. Never the most talented player on the court, Grayson used any means necessary to win. Tyler has never had the true-blue superstar but has consistently found ways to grind out 50 win seasons.
Quady (Portland): Adam Morrison
Based in the Northwest and prolific in the regular season with absolutely crushing loses in the tournament. I’m pretty sure that clip of Adam Morrison crying against UCLA could’ve been Quady in any of these recent playoff runs. His teams are great and he’s going to break through soon. Adam co-ran college basketball with JJ Redick, and I think was an unfortunate bounce or two away from being in the national championship.
Jesse (Sacramento): Patrick Ewing
The old head. He’s only had one title, but the entire league feels his presence. Patrick was a bigger than life persona on his Georgetown teams. Big, stocky, and dominant just like Jesse likes. Consistently good every year, there’s not much to say here otherwise.
Nick (Seattle): Marshall Henderson
Loud, boisterous, cocky, explosive. Oh, and freakin’ incendiary as a scorer. Being at UF and going up against Marshall in college, there wasn’t much like it. This man took being hated to a whole new level. I say this with all the love in the world bro. Nick can be brash, but he damn sure is going to beat your ass on most nights. When you count him out and think Dirk is too old, Nick/Marshall is flying off a double baseline moving screens from Murphy Holloway and Reggie Buckner then rising and firing a 3 against the best defense you can imagine. Marshall never saw a shot he didn’t like and made most of them, just like Nick and some of his riskier moves.
Atlantic
Joe (Boston): JJ Redick
C’mon, this guy was basically always one of the best statistical guys in college from day 1. Joe, during my tenure, dominated with Chauncey, TMac, and Manu. He always had crazy seasons and put up numbers but couldn’t quite win the big one just like JJ. Unfortunately for JJ, he didn’t spend 10 years at Duke waiting for it to finally be JJ’s year. Joe got over the hump, blew it up, and landed PG, Michael Beasley, and co. So we can look forward to the return of prolific JJ Redick reborn as the Celtics. Fun times in the Atlantic.
Evan (Miami): Carmelo Anthony
Melo had that one year. And what a year it was. He basically transcended college basketball and took Syracuse all the way to the promised land for Boeheim’s one and only title. Sounds pretty similar to a guy named Shaquille O’Neal in Miami. It was unlikely. Inside hadn’t really worked before. Freshmen can’t get it done in March. Until Shaq and Melo finally did!
Steven (New Jersey): Jalen Rose
Cool, fresh, baggy shorts, swag. I mean, Steven HAD to be a member of the Fab 5 right? The Swamp is nothing but swag. The Swamp Chronicles are like an alternate dimension of absurdity. I want nothing more than to see this Jalen Rose finally get a title.
Nav (New York): Jimmer Fredette
The Knicks are clean cut. They’re always competitive. They love shooting at all costs. Nothing loved shooting in college more than Jimmer Fredette. He was hated because no one understood how this white Mormon boy was cooking them. Nav is the same. I feel like I look at his rosters and am like, psh they’re not that good. Then 24 3’s are hit in my face and I lose by 20.
Me (Orlando): Billy Donovan
I had no one fun to give myself because this is the weird part of any of these articles. So I went with my homie Billy D. He took a scrappy Providence team to the final four and out-performed expectations. Orlando has probably outperformed expectations over the last few years but never really had the juice to truly do some damage.
DMo (Philadelphia): Larry Bird
Tiny school. One guy basically doing everything. Takes them all the way to the title? This sounds super familiar. LeBron is DMo’s Larry Legend. The Hick from French Lick taking Indiana State all the way to the national title game. Maybe one day Larry can get some help for LeBron, and he finally gets over the hump like Boston Larry.
Wes (Washington): Zach Edey
Huge, consistent, and always a threat. The Bullets have always been some form of challenging since I joined the league. Slowly getting better just like Edey. Manu should’ve taken Wes to the promised land along with Chris Paul. They had some playoff runs but haven’t quite broken through yet. Edey lacked playmaking guards to finally win a title, and ironically, Wes might lack some beefy bigs. But they’re regular season behemoths that nobody wants to face.
Central
Heimer (Atlanta): Bobby Hurley
Blue collar. Always trying to win. Scrappy. Gym rat. Heimer lives and breathes this league. Tony Scrony and Dick Hertz were legendary coaches and executives for the HawkleHeimers just as Coach K always guided Bobby. Pretty sure Bobby would cut his own arm off to win a game, and Heimer is on his way there. Dirk is coming to town and blood will be spilt in the East.
Jack (Charlotte): Steph Curry
I mean, it’s pretty perfect. Charlotte-based and a crazy two year run of dominance. Yao Ming’s back to back titles were essentially the Davidson runs that captivated America and introduced us to the precocious son of an NBA sharpshooter. We missed the 3rd year when Steph went to the NBA just as we missed the true end of Charlotte’s dominance when Gilbert Arenas was traded to Milwaukee.
Matt (Chicago): Christian Laettner
Blue blooded as it gets. Pure dominance. Scrappy, feisty, winner. Neither of these dudes would lose, and everyone hated them for it. There’s nothing like feeling like your team is pretty good, then playing the Bulls. It’s straight up demoralizing. Every time I felt like my team was okay, Matt would humble me back into insignificance. Will Matt ever tank? I doubt it, death, taxes, and Bulls 55 wins.
Mantypas (Cleveland): Eric Devendorf
Well-liked by those that know him. Generally speaking, a great dude. But man, when Eddie Griffin would come to town and get eleventy billion rebounds and pummel you, it was so frustrating. Devendorf drew a lot of scrutiny from his opponents, just as Manty would from maybe being good enough, maybe not. Then he’d just beat you and make it physical and challenging.
Rob (Detroit): JP Macura
Scrappy as hell. The kind of guy you love on your team and hate on others. Potentially a little crazy, although that might just be Kyrie in Detroit. A proper Midwest blue collar fighter. Rob isn’t content being bad and quickly flipped the switch in Detroit. He’s bold and not afraid to mix it up like JP.
Tonger (Indiana): Brad Davison
Tonger hasn’t really done a whole lot to really get a comp. I went with Brad Davison because the guy was just so fundamental and took charges. The building blocks for a good team. Tonger has been patient and slowly tried to make smart moves on the fringes adding players like Drummond, Oladipo, and Jimmy Butler.
Derek (Milwaukee): Emeka Okafor
This guy was so good at UConn. He anchored a defense that ran most of college basketball. Derek is similar. Just always good. The guy has multiple titles. He’s not exactly in your face, just cool and collected like Emeka was. It’s not personal, just business when he destroys your team.
JWoo (Toronto): Joakim Noah
JWoo swears he plays like Joakim Noah. We’ll file that under things I need to see in person. Brash, vocal, and demonstrative. Joakim Noah is really the perfect Raptor as he is basically JWoo. As a Florida fan, Joakim Noah personified love him if he’s your guy and hate him if he’s not. Felt like Joakim started a new problem every road game in the SEC, but damn, he was good.
Midwest
Hoff (Dallas): Kemba Walker
Cardiac Kemba. Capable of making deep runs in the playoffs despite not quite having that true superstar look. Hoff has made two deep runs now, once to the finals, and once to the WCF after not being considered anywhere near the favorites. Sometimes, you just need to get hot like Kemba.
Kipke (Denver): Tyler Hansbrough
Blue collar with rebounds and stocks. That’s how Kipke’s built his teams. Well, until this iteration. Who is a better fit for Kipke than Psycho T out of Missouri. It felt like he was in college forever, and he was always so effective. A one man wrecking crew in the UNC frontcourt, Psycho T was on ESPN every night.
Nolan (Houston): Blake Griffin
The champ is here. It was only fitting for Nolan to be Blake Griffin after being led to a championship by him. Blake took college by storm and dunked on all of his opponents. One could say his offense was quite inside oriented.
Pankin (Minnesota): Greg Paulus
Good player, just didn’t have timing quite on his side. One of the few Duke PGs (maybe the only 1) to not take Coach K to the Final Four. Pankin’s timelines have unfortunately never quite lined up to this point. With Giannis and Harden, I think he’s going to have a chance to thread the needle here. Maybe he can upgrade from Paulus to Bobby Hurley or Wojo in a few seasons!
Jordo (San Antonio): Kyle Filipowski
Jordo loves court storming so I think Filipowski is the perfect Jordo comp. Was Flip a victim, was he a perpetrator? The world will never know. Highly effective as an individual but never able to turn it into tournament success. Maybe Jordo will be able to storm a few courts in the Western Conference Playoffs and lead Kawhi to a title.
Ralph (Utah): Josh Hart
A guy with multiple titles in a pre-Merv era. I know he loves Villanova so I threw him a bone here. He probably wants Brunson, but he’ll get Josh Hart and like it. The blue collar team of the west, the Jazz like to pummel their opponents into submission via physicality and two footed jump stops. Are they actually that talented? Can they quite get it done? We’ll see about the current iteration. But that’s what people said about Villanova until the Big Ragu and some undersized PG showed up.
Josh (Vancouver): Jay Williams
I mean, c’mon. Jay Williams with Jay Williams. Josh stays out of the spotlight but is just always good. Jay had a legendary career at Duke and Josh has put up some crazy numbers in Vancouver. Known for a spicy take or two, maybe Josh has a little broadcaster Jay Will in him too.
Pacific
Clint (Golden State): Aaron Craft
Rosy cheeks. Charges. Toughness. Another guy who spent forever in college. Clint is a tough SOB like Aaron. He’s fought and clawed his way into the west playoffs a few times. Every time someone counts out his team, they make a late run. It was sad to see Monta go, but I’m sure the rebuild will be great.
Bobby (LA Clippers): Mo Wagner
Mo was a big goofy German that irked the hell out of the Big 10. Pretty sure JWoo still hates him. Bobby is tough and physical like his balanced offense through DeMar and DRose. I think Boogie will be a great addition to his core. Mo is a winner at the end of the day and had a few nice tournament runs. He knows how to push the envelope and get opponents flustered. I foresee some similar activity in the Pacific division.
GX (LA Lakers): Caleb Love
New on the block. Caleb Love is a relatively new guy and has been hated by his own fanbases more than by opponents. I had no real feel to comp GX to anyone as its way too early in his tenure. So like how Tyler disrespected me long ago, I’m sure this will age poorly as GX asserts himself.
Tyler (Phoenix): Grayson Allen
Janos Slynt sends his regards. A deep run with an elite team early on. After that, Grayson proceed to become the most hated man in America for his ability to trip and shove, er, be physical with his opponents. Never the most talented player on the court, Grayson used any means necessary to win. Tyler has never had the true-blue superstar but has consistently found ways to grind out 50 win seasons.
Quady (Portland): Adam Morrison
Based in the Northwest and prolific in the regular season with absolutely crushing loses in the tournament. I’m pretty sure that clip of Adam Morrison crying against UCLA could’ve been Quady in any of these recent playoff runs. His teams are great and he’s going to break through soon. Adam co-ran college basketball with JJ Redick, and I think was an unfortunate bounce or two away from being in the national championship.
Jesse (Sacramento): Patrick Ewing
The old head. He’s only had one title, but the entire league feels his presence. Patrick was a bigger than life persona on his Georgetown teams. Big, stocky, and dominant just like Jesse likes. Consistently good every year, there’s not much to say here otherwise.
Nick (Seattle): Marshall Henderson
Loud, boisterous, cocky, explosive. Oh, and freakin’ incendiary as a scorer. Being at UF and going up against Marshall in college, there wasn’t much like it. This man took being hated to a whole new level. I say this with all the love in the world bro. Nick can be brash, but he damn sure is going to beat your ass on most nights. When you count him out and think Dirk is too old, Nick/Marshall is flying off a double baseline moving screens from Murphy Holloway and Reggie Buckner then rising and firing a 3 against the best defense you can imagine. Marshall never saw a shot he didn’t like and made most of them, just like Nick and some of his riskier moves.
Last edited by Merv on April 13th, 2024, 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
SLN GM's as Hated College Basketball Players
Most of this article in a nutshell…one of the lamest things in college sports. Obviously I’m a hater
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jwoo
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SLN GM's as Hated College Basketball Players
Much like Joakim Noah I also never wear underwear
free healthcare has never been more important
SLN GM's as Hated College Basketball Players
Ashes (Sim God): Caitlin Clark
A true 1 of 1. Basically reinvented a game by adding significant perimeter shooting. Capable of pulling off shots from anywhere. Amazing vision. Can see things before they happen. Loved by nearly all. You can't watch basketball without hearing about Caitlin's greatness.
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jwoo
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SLN GM's as Hated College Basketball Players
My least favorite player is Alonzo Trier
free healthcare has never been more important
SLN GM's as Hated College Basketball Players
RIP Dick Hertz. Last night Dick choked on some yogurt covered raisins and is with us no more
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And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
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