2015 Mock Draft (now with even more good natured humor)
2015 Mock Draft (now with even more good natured humor)
Taking a break from IRL mock drafting to make you guys a fake mock draft (mock mock draft?) — a reminder that this board is chock full of humor so it should get extra RP bonuses teehee (?) I dunno it's late and I need to get on with my life.
I just used the pre-tiebreaker order so it'll be a tad less predictive (and by that I mean my pick is probably jumping into the top three now that I don't have it. Congrats ahead of time to GX.
1. Vancouver Grizzlies: Karl Anthony Towns
I once saw KAT get absolutely annihilated by Cliff Alexander in an AAU game and was convinced he was going to be a bust. I was wrong and Towns looks like the clear No. 1 pick, with no pronounced weaknesses and a stretch-five skillset. Whenever Steven closes his eyes and dreams suggestively of Mehmet Okur, this is what platonic sex ideal Okur looks like — an outside-oriented big who isn't that stocky but has pretty limitless upside. That's right, nobody in the history of the English language has ever written "platonic sex ideal Okur" before in that order.
2. New York Knicks: Devin Booker
DBook doesn't really play D, but he will score and definitely has excellent upside. Nav could be tempted to pair Embiid with another top big here, but I think Book is the answer and has Ray Allen type of upside if developed correctly with great TCs. He's got an outside case at 1, but I personally prefer the two-way unicorns so it's KAT at 1 for me.
3. Orlando Magic: Tingus Pingus
Porzingis has one of the best starting outside ratings I can remember seeing from a big. You might have to camp his rebounding, or you might want to try big-ball with him at the three, but he's super unique and fun and I can see him fitting quite nicely with Julius Randle down in Orlando. I guess the issue with KP is he might need handles and rebounding camps, which detracts from the ability to maximize his insane shooting, but that will be a fun question for his future GM to solve.
4. Los Angeles Lakers: Myles Turner
This 4-5-6 tiebreaker is potentially massive if the lottery holds, because whoever gets the fourth pick has the inside track on one of these bigs. Myles Turner might be giving people Serge Ibaka-level nightmares but I think we can probably rely on him actually getting developed (sigh), so I think he has a case maybe at No. 3 if you're feeling frisky. He's the Al Horford version of Brook Lopez. Or maybe he's just Brook Lopez. Idk. He's 19, pretty cool prospect if you can give him a few seasons to learn to catch the ball.
5. Golden State Warriors: D'Angelo Russell
Russell is a pretty OK prospect with what seems like good potential but also has some shitty weaknesses for a PG — can't shoot, doesn't guard, turns it over — is he actually a shooting guard? I dunno. I think the PG needy Warriors have to swing on him here for sure. I once saw DLo going for a walk in Soho and he basically just looked like another guy who had just left the Supreme store. He's really good at winning rock paper scissors - (his secret is he always picks scissors every time and just lets the other guy fuck up!)
6. Seattle Supersonics: Justise Winslow
Michael Kidd-Gilchrist shot with insanely janky form walked so that Justise could also miss a ton of shots but get a lot of blocks and steals at power forward run. Seems like a modern tweener type of butt we're seeing come into the league more and more as we enter this small-ball era. Kinda fun. And not good enough to win Nick games yet, which is probably a good criteria.
7. Cleveland Cavaliers: Rondae Hollis-Jefferson
Rondae seems like more of a wing-oriented forward than Winslow since his notes don't indicate he has blocks (I'd probably be scouting for that if I were picking here) just in case. He has better starting ratings than Justise, but Justise is 19 and seems to also have better base strength and quickness plus worse shooting (aka he's a PF and Rondae is a little bit more of an unclear development-based prospect in terms of who you camp him). An interesting debate as to who pans out better! Mantypas loves his wings who play defense, so yeah, I think he'll take one here probably. He can try RHJ as a big in theory.
FWIW, idk if you guys heard about this but Rondae recently nationalized for Jordan (the country, not the brand) and reinvented himself as, legitimately, a Kobe impersonator.
Seriously, google it, not joking! I told Ashes that he should have a stip that when he turns 35 his ratings just completely change to whatever Kobe's ratings currently are.
8. Golden State Warriors (via LAC): Christian Wood
Notorious IRL asshole Christian Wood has a very good base of skills in SLN. One of those guys who's good in a ton of areas and has a great offensive base, but needs great TC luck to become a top-flight big. If you can live with the turnovers, he's a pretty interesting project. Feels like a good fit in Golden State to me since Jabari is probably going to be a no-defense SF.
9. Minnesota Timberwolves: Larry Nance Jr.
I learned today that I am somehow older than Larry Nance Jr., it's been nice knowing everybody. His starting ratings are pretty ass honestly, but his notes strongly imply that he should develop nicely, with very good steals and very good upside. He's a total dice-roll who could probably go anywhere in the lottery, but I kinda lean yes on Larry with the thought that he can become an efficient, steal-y rebounding four. The Wolves have so many of these guys and probably need to consolidate their other power forwards (lol) but I think you just swing on the upside at a certain point.
10. Los Angeles Lakers (via TOR): Jahlil Okafor
I kinda think Jahlil is going to be a pretty useful offensive big. Ashes also made a point of giving him better defensive ratings than he probably deserved. He definitely won't be a fit on every team, but if you're a blank-slate roster like the Lakers and don't have a center to build around (and honestly I kinda think he would fit with the rebound-allergic but very block-y Myles Turner, too), I'd just be swinging on bigs and seeing what sticks. Maybe there's a balanced team built around Okafor and Turner and Wiggins and Rubio long-term?
11. Vancouver Grizzlies (via ATL): Kelly Oubre
Josh hypothetically has three centers now after adding KAT to Capela and Nurkic (lol Nurk won sixth man as a rookie!) so I went wing for him here. In addition to frequently getting hit by cars IRL, he seems to be pretty well-rounded and tank-friendly. Think he could be a solid offensive player and a borderline starter in a few seasons and fits a need for the Grizz. Can't go to the NDL either.
12. Orlando Magic (via DET): Montrezl Harrell
Harrell has good upside and basically profiles like what Kenneth Faried is, which might not actually be worthy of the 12th pick, but he at least looks like a reasonably safe pick who leans more toward steals/blocks than true rim protection. Was a decent backup IRL and will probably be a decent backup in SLN. Orlando could use another butt to hold it down next to Porzingis and Randle and can grab one here.
13. New Jersey Nets: Bobby Portis
I'm sending Bobby Portis to New Jersey specifically to punch Steven in the face. Just kidding. I heard you guys voted that Steven and I were banging. I have no comment. Fun fact: I once won approximately $1200 hitting dead on a number during my first time playing roulette in Vegas at the Aria while gambling one table over from Bobby Portis. I deeply regret not running over to celebrate with him and will take it to my grave. Anyway, Portis has nice ratings and Steven probably could use a big because I don't think Royce White is up to snuff. What did Royce White think of the song Airplanes by B.O.B.? Did that come out in fake 2015?
14. Washington Bullets: Mario Hezonja
Hezonja has been gifted a bizarre amount of defense by the Sim God and looks like a fun stash if he falls out of the lottery. I don't really know if Weston is rebuilding or not, but this pick might be a stash opportunity for the long view as Manu ages and CP hits his contract year. There are a number of pretty interesting guys who can go to the NDL this year — think it's a deep first round in that respect. Merv will probably take this guy at 12 tbh.
15. Cleveland Cavaliers (via PHX): Tyus Jones
Not gonna lie I kinda forgot about Tyus as I was writing through this, but he has good notes and looks like a pretty reasonably good version of Jason Hart — aka the backup who is good enough to start on a lot of teams and hold his own. His starting ratings aren't amazing, but he's 19 and can't go to the NDL, so he's a pretty good development bet I think if you are point guard needy. Fits Cleveland pretty well honestly — might have to think about him higher than this.
16. Seattle Supersonics (via CHI): Terry Rozier
It's a thin point guard class, but Rozier is probably gonna be a really solid scoring point guard if you can live with the other stuff. Good chance of being a quality sixth man combo type? Feels like he won't win you games out of the gate and he's had a really nice career (I feel like he's better defensively than his SLN profile suggests but maybe that's just me?), anyway, he can go to Seattle and back guys up and not hurt the tank. His stip makes it so you can't stash him, but that could also make him a nice value pick in the teens
17. Toronto Raptors (via CHA): Norman Powell
Nothing gives me the ick in SLN more than bad defensive wings except for bad defensive wings who also don't rebound! Why did I even mock myself with him? Good IRL Raptor who was probably not this bad defensively. He has good upside and can't be stashed, but also has some flaws that likely aren't getting fixed, so he has to score enough to make it matter. Seems like he can!
18. Vancouver Grizzlies (via POR): Stanley Johnson
Stanley was a really good prospect whose career kinda fell apart due to off-court issues, but he seems like a perfectly playable SLN player with good notes and a chance to be a really nice role player. The issue is that his inside scoring looks pretty low, which runs the risk of him falling into the James Posey Zone of guys with great ratings who Ashes promises are going to be good, but they kinda just soak up minutes and don't shoot enough and end up funneling shots to other guys who are worse at scoring. Good fit for the Grizz, who have a ton of picks again and are really stockpiling talent in a fun way actually. He's a teenager so the upside is not awful, and can go to the NDL, so maybe he gets picked before this, maybe by me, maybe not, idk.
19. Sacramento Kings (via MIA): Andrew Harrison
Jesse is totally taking Andrew Harrison. What's better than one Tyler Johnson? Two Tyler Johnsons. His notes are cool and his ratings are bad, but I can see him being a worthwhile project in the 15-30 range depending how much a man loves stonks at the PG position.
20. Golden State Warriors (via HOU): Kevon Looney
This is kind of a fall for Looney, who isn't super exciting but profiles as a somewhat traditional set of cheeks. Peaked as a great rebounder for the Warriors before his body kinda fell apart on him early. This is the next player Clint will take and whom I will spend several seasons pursuing only to not acquire him. Idk, not exciting but at least he kinda has a floor.
21. Boston Celtics: Willie Cauley-Stein
Another pretty decent looking butt, WCS looks stonky (he should get a steal and a block) and can go to the NDL. Could be appealing higher than this, could fall a bit, depends what you need. Someone who could have been way better IRL but might be a useful backup.
22. Vancouver Grizzlies (via PHI): Emmanuel Mudiay
Is Mudiay this year's Dante Exum? Dunno but I gave him to Josh just in case. His notes echoed Tyus Jones, so he's probably got decent upside but worse ratings and will need the NDL to have a shot at a great development track. But not a bad flier.
23. Toronto Raptors (via SAC): Delon Wright
Another IRL Raptor with decent looking notes. He's super boring and always kinda has been but feels like he has a decent pathway to being useful, so I gave him to myself here.
24. New York Knicks (via DAL): T.J. McConnell
Who am I kidding, our league is way too white for TJ McConnell to fall to the 24th pick.
25. Toronto Raptors (via SAS): Trey Lyles
A Canadian! Feel like I need to start actually getting Canadians into our system. I missed on Sim Bhullar. Lyles is a stretchy big who might be OK with NDL time. I once interviewed him in Fort Wayne Indiana after a random AAU game and he seemed cool.
26. Sacramento Kings (via UTA): Josh Richardson
This draft is pretty deep, with guys who have good careers like Josh Richardson falling here. He's basically Kentavious Caldwell Pope, so Jesse will definitely take him.
27. Houston Rockets (via IND, from ORL): Cam Payne
The Rockets need a PG who isn't Rondo and Cam Payne is unfortunately the man for the job. Curious if we see Nolan try to move up and snag a McConnell or an Andrew Harrison who could fit his system (eventually).
28. Golden State Warriors (via MIL): Frank Kaminsky
Frank is probably going to demolish the NDL, then do nothing else of note, so he's a great fit for the Warriors as they defend their NDL crown.
29. Vancouver Grizzlies (via DEN): Rakeem Christmas
I really just wanted to write "Rakeem Christmas." He was kinda OK in the NDL? How does Josh have like seven picks?
I just used the pre-tiebreaker order so it'll be a tad less predictive (and by that I mean my pick is probably jumping into the top three now that I don't have it. Congrats ahead of time to GX.
1. Vancouver Grizzlies: Karl Anthony Towns
I once saw KAT get absolutely annihilated by Cliff Alexander in an AAU game and was convinced he was going to be a bust. I was wrong and Towns looks like the clear No. 1 pick, with no pronounced weaknesses and a stretch-five skillset. Whenever Steven closes his eyes and dreams suggestively of Mehmet Okur, this is what platonic sex ideal Okur looks like — an outside-oriented big who isn't that stocky but has pretty limitless upside. That's right, nobody in the history of the English language has ever written "platonic sex ideal Okur" before in that order.
2. New York Knicks: Devin Booker
DBook doesn't really play D, but he will score and definitely has excellent upside. Nav could be tempted to pair Embiid with another top big here, but I think Book is the answer and has Ray Allen type of upside if developed correctly with great TCs. He's got an outside case at 1, but I personally prefer the two-way unicorns so it's KAT at 1 for me.
3. Orlando Magic: Tingus Pingus
Porzingis has one of the best starting outside ratings I can remember seeing from a big. You might have to camp his rebounding, or you might want to try big-ball with him at the three, but he's super unique and fun and I can see him fitting quite nicely with Julius Randle down in Orlando. I guess the issue with KP is he might need handles and rebounding camps, which detracts from the ability to maximize his insane shooting, but that will be a fun question for his future GM to solve.
4. Los Angeles Lakers: Myles Turner
This 4-5-6 tiebreaker is potentially massive if the lottery holds, because whoever gets the fourth pick has the inside track on one of these bigs. Myles Turner might be giving people Serge Ibaka-level nightmares but I think we can probably rely on him actually getting developed (sigh), so I think he has a case maybe at No. 3 if you're feeling frisky. He's the Al Horford version of Brook Lopez. Or maybe he's just Brook Lopez. Idk. He's 19, pretty cool prospect if you can give him a few seasons to learn to catch the ball.
5. Golden State Warriors: D'Angelo Russell
Russell is a pretty OK prospect with what seems like good potential but also has some shitty weaknesses for a PG — can't shoot, doesn't guard, turns it over — is he actually a shooting guard? I dunno. I think the PG needy Warriors have to swing on him here for sure. I once saw DLo going for a walk in Soho and he basically just looked like another guy who had just left the Supreme store. He's really good at winning rock paper scissors - (his secret is he always picks scissors every time and just lets the other guy fuck up!)
6. Seattle Supersonics: Justise Winslow
Michael Kidd-Gilchrist shot with insanely janky form walked so that Justise could also miss a ton of shots but get a lot of blocks and steals at power forward run. Seems like a modern tweener type of butt we're seeing come into the league more and more as we enter this small-ball era. Kinda fun. And not good enough to win Nick games yet, which is probably a good criteria.
7. Cleveland Cavaliers: Rondae Hollis-Jefferson
Rondae seems like more of a wing-oriented forward than Winslow since his notes don't indicate he has blocks (I'd probably be scouting for that if I were picking here) just in case. He has better starting ratings than Justise, but Justise is 19 and seems to also have better base strength and quickness plus worse shooting (aka he's a PF and Rondae is a little bit more of an unclear development-based prospect in terms of who you camp him). An interesting debate as to who pans out better! Mantypas loves his wings who play defense, so yeah, I think he'll take one here probably. He can try RHJ as a big in theory.
FWIW, idk if you guys heard about this but Rondae recently nationalized for Jordan (the country, not the brand) and reinvented himself as, legitimately, a Kobe impersonator.
Seriously, google it, not joking! I told Ashes that he should have a stip that when he turns 35 his ratings just completely change to whatever Kobe's ratings currently are.
8. Golden State Warriors (via LAC): Christian Wood
Notorious IRL asshole Christian Wood has a very good base of skills in SLN. One of those guys who's good in a ton of areas and has a great offensive base, but needs great TC luck to become a top-flight big. If you can live with the turnovers, he's a pretty interesting project. Feels like a good fit in Golden State to me since Jabari is probably going to be a no-defense SF.
9. Minnesota Timberwolves: Larry Nance Jr.
I learned today that I am somehow older than Larry Nance Jr., it's been nice knowing everybody. His starting ratings are pretty ass honestly, but his notes strongly imply that he should develop nicely, with very good steals and very good upside. He's a total dice-roll who could probably go anywhere in the lottery, but I kinda lean yes on Larry with the thought that he can become an efficient, steal-y rebounding four. The Wolves have so many of these guys and probably need to consolidate their other power forwards (lol) but I think you just swing on the upside at a certain point.
10. Los Angeles Lakers (via TOR): Jahlil Okafor
I kinda think Jahlil is going to be a pretty useful offensive big. Ashes also made a point of giving him better defensive ratings than he probably deserved. He definitely won't be a fit on every team, but if you're a blank-slate roster like the Lakers and don't have a center to build around (and honestly I kinda think he would fit with the rebound-allergic but very block-y Myles Turner, too), I'd just be swinging on bigs and seeing what sticks. Maybe there's a balanced team built around Okafor and Turner and Wiggins and Rubio long-term?
11. Vancouver Grizzlies (via ATL): Kelly Oubre
Josh hypothetically has three centers now after adding KAT to Capela and Nurkic (lol Nurk won sixth man as a rookie!) so I went wing for him here. In addition to frequently getting hit by cars IRL, he seems to be pretty well-rounded and tank-friendly. Think he could be a solid offensive player and a borderline starter in a few seasons and fits a need for the Grizz. Can't go to the NDL either.
12. Orlando Magic (via DET): Montrezl Harrell
Harrell has good upside and basically profiles like what Kenneth Faried is, which might not actually be worthy of the 12th pick, but he at least looks like a reasonably safe pick who leans more toward steals/blocks than true rim protection. Was a decent backup IRL and will probably be a decent backup in SLN. Orlando could use another butt to hold it down next to Porzingis and Randle and can grab one here.
13. New Jersey Nets: Bobby Portis
I'm sending Bobby Portis to New Jersey specifically to punch Steven in the face. Just kidding. I heard you guys voted that Steven and I were banging. I have no comment. Fun fact: I once won approximately $1200 hitting dead on a number during my first time playing roulette in Vegas at the Aria while gambling one table over from Bobby Portis. I deeply regret not running over to celebrate with him and will take it to my grave. Anyway, Portis has nice ratings and Steven probably could use a big because I don't think Royce White is up to snuff. What did Royce White think of the song Airplanes by B.O.B.? Did that come out in fake 2015?
14. Washington Bullets: Mario Hezonja
Hezonja has been gifted a bizarre amount of defense by the Sim God and looks like a fun stash if he falls out of the lottery. I don't really know if Weston is rebuilding or not, but this pick might be a stash opportunity for the long view as Manu ages and CP hits his contract year. There are a number of pretty interesting guys who can go to the NDL this year — think it's a deep first round in that respect. Merv will probably take this guy at 12 tbh.
15. Cleveland Cavaliers (via PHX): Tyus Jones
Not gonna lie I kinda forgot about Tyus as I was writing through this, but he has good notes and looks like a pretty reasonably good version of Jason Hart — aka the backup who is good enough to start on a lot of teams and hold his own. His starting ratings aren't amazing, but he's 19 and can't go to the NDL, so he's a pretty good development bet I think if you are point guard needy. Fits Cleveland pretty well honestly — might have to think about him higher than this.
16. Seattle Supersonics (via CHI): Terry Rozier
It's a thin point guard class, but Rozier is probably gonna be a really solid scoring point guard if you can live with the other stuff. Good chance of being a quality sixth man combo type? Feels like he won't win you games out of the gate and he's had a really nice career (I feel like he's better defensively than his SLN profile suggests but maybe that's just me?), anyway, he can go to Seattle and back guys up and not hurt the tank. His stip makes it so you can't stash him, but that could also make him a nice value pick in the teens
17. Toronto Raptors (via CHA): Norman Powell
Nothing gives me the ick in SLN more than bad defensive wings except for bad defensive wings who also don't rebound! Why did I even mock myself with him? Good IRL Raptor who was probably not this bad defensively. He has good upside and can't be stashed, but also has some flaws that likely aren't getting fixed, so he has to score enough to make it matter. Seems like he can!
18. Vancouver Grizzlies (via POR): Stanley Johnson
Stanley was a really good prospect whose career kinda fell apart due to off-court issues, but he seems like a perfectly playable SLN player with good notes and a chance to be a really nice role player. The issue is that his inside scoring looks pretty low, which runs the risk of him falling into the James Posey Zone of guys with great ratings who Ashes promises are going to be good, but they kinda just soak up minutes and don't shoot enough and end up funneling shots to other guys who are worse at scoring. Good fit for the Grizz, who have a ton of picks again and are really stockpiling talent in a fun way actually. He's a teenager so the upside is not awful, and can go to the NDL, so maybe he gets picked before this, maybe by me, maybe not, idk.
19. Sacramento Kings (via MIA): Andrew Harrison
Jesse is totally taking Andrew Harrison. What's better than one Tyler Johnson? Two Tyler Johnsons. His notes are cool and his ratings are bad, but I can see him being a worthwhile project in the 15-30 range depending how much a man loves stonks at the PG position.
20. Golden State Warriors (via HOU): Kevon Looney
This is kind of a fall for Looney, who isn't super exciting but profiles as a somewhat traditional set of cheeks. Peaked as a great rebounder for the Warriors before his body kinda fell apart on him early. This is the next player Clint will take and whom I will spend several seasons pursuing only to not acquire him. Idk, not exciting but at least he kinda has a floor.
21. Boston Celtics: Willie Cauley-Stein
Another pretty decent looking butt, WCS looks stonky (he should get a steal and a block) and can go to the NDL. Could be appealing higher than this, could fall a bit, depends what you need. Someone who could have been way better IRL but might be a useful backup.
22. Vancouver Grizzlies (via PHI): Emmanuel Mudiay
Is Mudiay this year's Dante Exum? Dunno but I gave him to Josh just in case. His notes echoed Tyus Jones, so he's probably got decent upside but worse ratings and will need the NDL to have a shot at a great development track. But not a bad flier.
23. Toronto Raptors (via SAC): Delon Wright
Another IRL Raptor with decent looking notes. He's super boring and always kinda has been but feels like he has a decent pathway to being useful, so I gave him to myself here.
24. New York Knicks (via DAL): T.J. McConnell
Who am I kidding, our league is way too white for TJ McConnell to fall to the 24th pick.
25. Toronto Raptors (via SAS): Trey Lyles
A Canadian! Feel like I need to start actually getting Canadians into our system. I missed on Sim Bhullar. Lyles is a stretchy big who might be OK with NDL time. I once interviewed him in Fort Wayne Indiana after a random AAU game and he seemed cool.
26. Sacramento Kings (via UTA): Josh Richardson
This draft is pretty deep, with guys who have good careers like Josh Richardson falling here. He's basically Kentavious Caldwell Pope, so Jesse will definitely take him.
27. Houston Rockets (via IND, from ORL): Cam Payne
The Rockets need a PG who isn't Rondo and Cam Payne is unfortunately the man for the job. Curious if we see Nolan try to move up and snag a McConnell or an Andrew Harrison who could fit his system (eventually).
28. Golden State Warriors (via MIL): Frank Kaminsky
Frank is probably going to demolish the NDL, then do nothing else of note, so he's a great fit for the Warriors as they defend their NDL crown.
29. Vancouver Grizzlies (via DEN): Rakeem Christmas
I really just wanted to write "Rakeem Christmas." He was kinda OK in the NDL? How does Josh have like seven picks?
This is a better mock with more analysis than that clown Jeremy Woo at ESPN on the 2024 NBA draft!
-
GrundleSauce
- General Manager
- Posts: 289
- Joined: December 20th, 2023, 12:13 pm
- Status: BUMPIN. BOUNCE. BOUNCE.
The Rondae Kobe arc is so crazy. I remember first seeing the vids last year and was like ??????
Pokemon Master Rahsaan Roland Kirk. Yes.
-
mantypas/CavsCzar
- General Manager
- Posts: 725
- Joined: December 20th, 2023, 12:06 pm
Fun fact, my mom was born in Jordan and I have a lot of family over there still. Might have to just take RHJ for heritage sake
flagging for a grade before season flips if possible thx fellas @Joe @Nav
-
- Newest Posts
- Top Active Users
- Newest Users
