Cam Payne (Fi) Nance: The 2015 Big Board

[Joe]

Cam Payne (Fi) Nance: The 2015 Big Board

This Big Board pun and the glorious frenzy RP windfall hitting our bank accounts this season got me thinking about the bounty times of 2015. Many of our sacred ranks graduated college in this fine year, and some might say our collectively brilliant GM minds joining the workforce drove an unprecedented surge in the US economy. The NBA secured the bag with a couple of preposterous TV deals; the dollar dunked all over the Euro, making it basically free to go visit those commies across the pond if you really wanted. Even America’s favorite football team, the New England Patriots, were enjoying the wealth of a second renaissance, despite one commissioner’s harebrained witchhunt for some footballs that may or may not have been impacted by the Ideal Gas Law.

In the NBA, we were blessed with riches of a different kind. Just like Professor Quirrell, the NBA got an infusion of unicorn blood, with 3 skilled new-age bigs joining Jokic and Embiid’s ranks of guys that are just too damn tall to be doing that kind of funky stuff out around the three point line. Ashes has had to go DEEP in his bag to create all these Slenderman-shaped freakshows.

1. Karl-Anthony Towns C 7'0'' 248 20 B- B- C C+ B- A

Bad Kitty! The Zest out West! The Greatest Shooting Big Man of All Time Except in the WCF! Lots of monikers for the big fella and none of them super complimentary, hopefully his legacy is less weird in SLN. The good news is real life KAT might not know a post move if it came up and asked to be a guest on his Youtube channel, but he should be able to score both inside and outside in sim ball. Pretty much no major weaknesses besides the leaky handle that seems to be afflicting many of the scoring bigs entering the league, and should be camped out of him right quick.

2. Myles Turner C 6'11'' 250 19 B C+ D B C A

I don’t know if I’m biased because this guy was the Paul Bunyan of the O6’s old sim league, but there was a little part of me that thought he could go #1, especially if teams picking at the top of the lotto hear KAT’s real voice as part of their scouting. DPOY tools on the defensive end combined with strength, quickness, Inside and jumpshot on the offensive end make it easy to forget his one glaring deficiency, much like Myles himself forgets to go get the ball after somebody misses a shot. Lamarcus Aldridge’s offense combined with Serge Ibaka’s butt. Seems pretty cool.

3. Devin Booker SG 6'6'' 206 19 B- B B C C- A

One of the signs we’ve been in the league for a long time is the draftees seem to be dating younger and younger Kardashians (RIP Lamar Odom and Hump Man). The Mocha Mamba is very much the Charizard to Brad Beal’s Charmeleon and CJ McCollum’s Charmander, though I’m not sure that’s giving him quite enough credit. As a teenager with what has to be near 100 potential, the sky is the limit – the only concern is that suspiciously high handle rating pairing with his suspect actual handles.

4. Kristaps Porzingis PF 7'2'' 240 20 B- B D+ B- C A

I’ll be honest, I’m writing this article right after the real life Celtics waxed Dallas in Game 1 and KP and his 300 elbows did most of the hurting in the first half, so I’m pretty ready to sell the house and buy up all the Tingus Pingus stock I can find (NYSE: ZING). Kristaps sports the second highest outside in the file, and the highest of the guys you’ve actually heard of. Imagine he actually is Dirk 2.0 but he also gets you 2.5 blocks a game from the SF spot. You could easily trade him for the next 7 Sonics picks!

5. D'Angelo Russell PG 6'3'' 193 19 B- C+ B C C- A

I don’t exactly love his player profile, I don’t like that he’s a big ol’ snitch, and I downright despise the third-rate sandwich chain for which he was named (shoutout to my New England boys), but DLo has some enticing attributes. Namely, he’s a teenager with A Potential and he plays point guard. Maybe the most stratified set of outcomes when it comes to floor and ceiling – he could end up being the most valuable player in the draft, or he could end up looking like John Wall on offense and Jeremy Woo on defense. Bit of a certainty dropoff after the top 4 guys, so picking on upside may just be the play at this point.

6. Larry Nance Jr PF 6'8'' 245 23 B- C D+ C C+ A



7. Justise Winslow SF 6'6'' 222 19 B- C C B B- B

I think Merv talked about Winslow on a pod a while ago as one of the guys he got most wrong at draft – I was definitely in the same boat, but was pretty pleased when the 2015 Heat didn’t draft the next Lebron two seasons after James left town. In SLN, I’m seeing basically Gerald Wallace with more hype and less talent. Starting with B/B- Def/Reb as a teenage SF is pretty close to unprecedented, but it will remain to be seen if his boards get to a point where you could feasibly have him backing up both the 4 and the 5. I might convert him to PF for camps just to make sure he gets there, and then run him as the backup 3/4/5 like GWall.

8. Bobby Portis PF 6'10'' 250 20 B- B- D+ B- B- B

In my mind, Bobby Portis and Zaza Pachulia are the two ends of the spectrum for head to body size ratio. To make matters worse, Bobby P was blessed with the bugeye gene, with his huge peepers making his dome look even smaller. I mean, look at this Tweet:



He’s also got nice ratings and should be pretty good. Probably a SF tho.

9. Rondae Hollis-Jefferson SF 6'6'' 217 21 B- C+ C- B+ B- B

Sporting the best defensive rating in the file, RHJ should be a nice combo of stockiness and positional defense with a little bit of juice on the offensive end of the floor. He’s not dissimilar to Winslow, although might be a bit more competent on offense and not get you quite as much in the way of blocks; his upside outcome is probably Josh Howard, who’s been extremely useful his entire career.

10. Tyus Jones PG 6'1'' 196 19 C C+ B+ C+ C- B

I’m definitely seeing shades of Jay Williams here – quality game manager who gets his 17 a game and hangs onto the ball, who represents probably the minimum viable product at point guard that you could still win a title with (see: 2015 Duke Blue Devils). Like DLo, a teenager at the 1 always gets a little extra love in the Big Board, even if he was a Dukie.

11. Terry Rozier SG 6'1'' 190 21 C B C+ C C B

You can run, but you can’t hide, BITCH! Rozier reaching #11 is mostly predicated on his ability to play point guard. His ratings may not look like much, but I suspect he’s got comparatively high strength if you play him at the 1, meaning that flat C on Defense might be a little more like a C+, and that C Rebounding is going to be well above average compared to the guys he goes up against. Scoring volume at the 1 is one of the most sought after positional abilities, so the fact that his volume is called at explicitly as a SG is quite exciting.

12. Norman Powell SG 6'3'' 215 22 B- B D C D+ B

We know I love a cryptic Ashes draft note, and I’m not even sure this one’s that cryptic:

I can't be the only one who felt chills reading that. Figures to be built in the Allan Houston mold – already solid handles should be beautifully buoyed by his monumentally horrendous passing rating. If he gets the ball, it’s going up.

13. Christian Wood PF 6'8'' 214 20 B- C+ C- B- C+ B

The guy has played in only 50% of games over 8 seasons due to injuries, trips back and forth to the G League and people generally thinking he sucked early on, but if you look at his career NBA stats, he’s a sim ball dream – stocks galore, elite efficiency inside and out. I like the idea of giving him the Portis treatment and converting him to SF early on to maximize his scoring – could be the steal of the first round if he falls into the teens.

14. Montrezl Harrell C 6'7'' 240 22 B C- C- B C+ B

Love that he’s got the highest inside in the draft file, hate that he’s got that stupid L at the end of his first name. Bummer he’s already got two B ratings, because Trez would definitely be putting up Mo Taylor type stats in the NDL. His rebounding is on the border of B- and there should be a few stocks in that B Defense rating. Definitely seems like the type of guy Jesse would pay big money for.

15. Mario Hezonja SF 6'8'' 220 20 B- C+ C- B C B

Mario was pretty far from super in the real NBA, but it seems his fortunes may differ in SLN. He’s starting with the 6th highest defense rating in the draft, but his positional defense is just listed as “manageable,” meaning he should steal it aggressively and without shame, much like the way Croatia stole all of the beach from Bosnia and Herzegovina (who let that happen??). Only knock is going to be that he doesn’t shoot the 3 ball, so might be a good fit for Balanced.

[jwoo]

In my prime I was at least a C level defender

[Clinton]

Tropic Thunder was the last of good comedy movies, perfect ref

Currently im slated for Justice Winslow and Rondae Bryant-Hollis-Jefferson. Two more tweener SF/PFs for the Warriors lmao

[jwoo]

surprised Joe didn't rank Other Marcus Thornton

[Joe]

surprised Joe didn't rank Other Marcus Thornton

Yeah honestly I was more confused than anything

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